I lived and felt a million souls
within the time it took
for you to walk through the door

every moment is eternal.

every breath was
infinite life.

all
the
stars
and stars
within souls
existing not existing

in ever-burning light

i've spent my life avoiding life
through analysis, through sleep.

i've hidden myself from myself
no wonder i feel like someone else.

there is something very alluring
about losing your mind and yet
there is nothing poetic about being sad.

despair is ugly but
you
can utilize it.

so i'll paint my nails to fit my mood
somewhere between blood and blue

the color is the difference
between me and you.

spiral inward.
reality screams
patterns
at me and
exists only as
compulsions
in me

stare at the ceiling.
disappoint them.
do nothing.
be proud.

i want to
shed the discomfort
of optimism
and **** **** up.

I saw you through the window wearing my shoes. Face looking cynical and wanting to scream, keeping closed. You let nothing out but sorry smoke, how do you expect to be heard? You sit atop your box forever on guard, never leaving what holds which you think does not exist. So go, take your time. I will be watching behind the glass. Wrestle yourself and everyone you know while you pretend you cannot hear the sound.

01.* It gets easier
      to look back and think "he was
      a **** anyway"

02. Sun spots dance in drops,
      Mom sings over the vacuum.
      Don't nap for too long

03. I think this is my
      favorite time of the day.
      Lake twilight serene

over you: easy
getting over myself is
another story.

"I don't want to go."
so sing one last song with me
stay here, and come close.

With the wink of an eye and a flick of your flame, another Marlboro finds its way from your pocket to my lips. Breathing and burning, smokesighs of relief--

I am too far gone to remember your name.

     But the warmth fills and soothes with every intake of breath. Have another shot--or two...from who? Well now I am ready to take a shot at you, Cute Boy--also known as Law Student From Argentina--and although a small something-someone begins to question me, voices just drown in the buzz towards the back of my mind...where everything sinks. sinks. is siiinnnnking. I feel the full force and am loving the fall. So instead of worrying myself over the (now incoherent) blare of your accented voice spilling questions to my ear...
                                                 (Flash another stupid smile, giggle just
                                                   a little louder.
                                                   It's too late now for the answers to matter.)
I let my head turn over 'til our noses touch.
I brush too close,
you're warm and dark...
And I've already
   given
           up.

"I admire you."
--your words that stick out. The last I remember of--oh, hey now...
(a darkly pleased smile currrrls upon my face):

     Let your hands hold me steady at the small of my back while I lean, a little sloppy, into fresh new lips and learn your strange kiss. Somewhere along the way my fingers comb through your hair...it's almost automatic, the way I move; and I feel the same overwhelming loss of control. The only difference is that I don't know you. Nevertheless, in the next few breaths your lips look to my neck in a soft caress...but for only a moment.

     Because perhaps that's when my sister at last pulls me away; oh, she takes such good care of me. I almost forgot just how much I have missed her...ah.
only
in
passing. because--

     For tonight, my dear, I am far more concerned with guiding my tongue back to yours. (So I do.) And darling, that lovely bottom lip--you just might find it caught in my ravenous bite. (Gentle, now.) These teeth will make you mine. Oh, now if only we were somewhere else, I'd let you--

twenty-nine?
oh.
"eighteen? wow," (and that was a lie...)

I guess, I guess this
should feel wrong?
but still
my smile remains for a while...

     and so do you.