I'm throwing a tantrum inside my head. Flipping desks, breaking ****. Screaming 'til I choke.
These days now that is all I can do.

last lines,
but new thoughts
about old things.

i need to write about something else.
So here it goes--

today i slid down sand
steep dunes
rocks thrown,
old sofas.

and tried
to catch
a fish

all on a tuesday,
pollen-filled may
afternoon
and a steady friend
with a young heart

and a soft wind
by the lost pond
and suddenly
I can breathe.

Man that makes me sigh,
the man
a-dult? young adult
mature-something, growing up?
and me, little girl, but
(god forbid he does not
let me know i am "good")
how loved? what love?
i am feeling overpowering
but simple pure
disgust
as a sorrysomething in my throat.

it is all of you that's left
and now i could never love
it is the man i hate
with a sickness,
swelling passion
and I am not your friend.

gone for always is the
boy-
wonderful:

oh however so i
once
admired him.

imma puddle stomper.
the sky is gray
my smile radiates today

my empire thrives
while above, the heavens cry

clouds mull along
cleansing themselves free
tear after clean clear tear.

cascading around me
the tiniest liquid gems
suspended in moments
of perfect redemption

sparkling happiness
in a loved lost youth

dancing along
i'm off to swirl with the gusts
my audience, it sways
whispering their amusement:
what a silly little girl, they say

a wave swells around
my limitless stadium
swelling, falling

crashing

pulling back again,
all that holds me down.
now I can feel so clean.

in the distance, a slow rumble.
for today i am invincible

a last turn, face the crowd
applause, applause.

"the longer that I'm out here, the better you sound."
I’m playing back your laugh just to keep myself
above ground
in my ringing ears
and the scent of your skin.

peeking out from under lonely bed sheets
spring paints my twilight,
semi-evening bed
room with warmth and
I breathe you, just barely.

get back, forget the scars.
under the hoods of my eyes
and dazed dream fog
here, missing you doesn’t seem so hard