Please be my inner most self.
The heart beating away in a
hollow book exposed by a shelf.

Please let it sing to me if I am down.
Make me feel sunshine in Gods
most righteous frown.
Sensitive thoughts of joy and sadness
will never make me drown.

God made you to never leave
me in the end.
In empty pages I have
found a true friend.

The words I never say have
found a perfect place.
Its like the comfort of
a veil hiding my face.

My father prays for this
unspoken request.
The answers to life have
become my greatest test.
Some thoughts are to be
buried in the deepest chest.

God listens to my mixed
love and hate.
Yet he refuse's to give up
on making them separate.
My tears flowing over years
of blooming to late.
God had a reason for
planning it all before it
became fate.

I need the rain and sunshine
to make my life grow.
Yet the rain must not
wash me into the dark funnel.
The sunshine of Gods
sacrificing love will remain infinite.
Years passing so fast like
leaves off a tree to tear me up
or to make me fly like a kite.

You will get to know the stranger inside.
The one so hurt it decided to hide.
Later I will find out if the pencil
is an enemy or a best friend.

You’re the reason every song turns into a requiem.
Even the happy ones bend under the weight of your name.

The reason love walks with a blade behind its back,
because you turned it into something I had to survive.

You’re the reason
breathing feels borrowed.
Like I’m stuck in a waiting room
with no doors,
no answers,
just clocks that won’t tick
and memories that don’t know how to leave.

You’re the reason I bleed into pages,
why I stretch sorrow into sentences,
why I carve light
from the ruins.

You taught me grief in its native language,
how to cradle absence like a relic,
how to shape silence into meaning.

You’re the reason I learned to carry longing
instead of trying to cure it.
To live inside the hollow
and still find warmth.

You’re the reason I know
that love and loss
can belong to the same moment.

You are my reason.
The one that never left.

Would you be my shoebox
a sturdy contraption, pleasingly
geometrical and versatile
able to cradle our heavy hearts
and hide all kinds of secrets

I could be your carpet
you can walk all over me
as I protect you from the cold
the unvarnished truth and its splinters

Or I could be your socks and shoes
you can walk around in me all
day all snug and warm at least
until they need replacing
around this time next year

I took my first wrong turn
when I took you so for granted,
I was so relieved to wake up next to you.
I’m so used to making my world burn,
or making sure that it stays slanted,
perhaps I should stop writing in red and start with blue.

You want to know what was my worst mistake,
it was watching your heart break
to prevent a fracture of my own.
I need to stop doing things only for my sake;
can’t eat and have my own cake,
each day is just a loan.

I see colours from and around you
but I always paint shades of grey,
we can argue that the pictures beautiful all the same.
Analyze shadows, shades and each hue,
we can always find a sun ray;
we’ve perfected it into our own type of game.

You want to know what was my worst regret,
was making your eyes turn wet
to keep my own dry.
I’d place all I own left on a bet
that it’s something we both won’t forget,
I wish that was a lie.

I committed my worst crime
based upon my biggest sin,
you’re so faithful; truth is I don’t deserve you.
“This won’t happen a second time,
I’d rather trade off my soul and my skin
spend the rest of my life held together with tape and glue.”

You want to know what was my worst mistake,
it was watching your heart break
to prevent a fracture of my own.
Share consequences from the choices I make,
it causes me to burn and ache
right down to the bone.

You know
In the hush between words
In the way a name
Feels lighter or heavier
On the tongue.

You know when it's love
Not by the flowers they bring
Bt by how they stay
When the pedals fall.

You know who's yours
And who's only passing
Through the hollow
Of your hope .

You know who holds you
With clean hands
And who touches you
With doubt.

You know who to trust
By the silence
That doesn't sting.

You know  who to choose
By how your soul softens
When they speak.

You always know
Before the goodbye
Before the first lie
Before the ache .

Even when you pretend
You don't
You do.

Because when it's real,
You never have to ask
Bt when it's not,
No answer ever fits


You know
You've always known.

the lockers rife with clowns and the frittering of time as the ***** boys got ready to work their ***** minds down at the ***** factory and boast about ***** things too often degrading and unkind.

I tried to stay out of it
until one officious co-worker
had the gall to ask,
“what’s your preference in women?”

whereby, my response was,

“I see my women like flavors;
white women are too bland,
black women are too flavorful and
Indian women are a bit over-seasoned.
you need the right amount of spice.
Latina women got it but they cheat
so, I’d have to go with Asian women.
they’re perfection is unmatched.”

laughter emerged and rumbled
down the grey factory walls
where the metal tin roof had rattled,
the ***** air pervaded with rust and tears
and a mouthful of peanuts were spat onto a grimy floor

they laughed and kept on laughing
until their bellies burst

never have they heard such
a response like that before

and I just went back to work,
treading in the depths of my own conviction,
not really seeing why I wasn’t
being taken so
seriously.