I am a good person
Even without my name on the acknowlegdement of donaters in the book

I am beautiful
Even without hundreds of likes and complimenting comments on instagram

I am loved
Even without those birthday shoutout posts on facebook dedicated to me

I am capable
Even without those hiking, travelling and eating-healthy posts on snapchat

Most importantly
I am grateful
Even without those prayer posts thanking Him everytime I feel blessed
Because I'm always grateful for who I am
And I dont need them to tell me that

My name is Ashly (yes spelled without
the E)
I was born without a windpipe and was 3 months premature.
I underwent surgery for a tracheostomy and died on the operating table.
I was revived.
I was hooked up to many machines and my parents were told I wouldn’t live for more then 3 days...
If I would survive more then 3 days I would be hooked up to machines my whole life and be in a “vegetative state”
Doctors told my parents and family “I would never live to see my 18th birthday.”
I lived in the hospital for almost 2 years.
At age 2, I myself, ripped out my tracheostomy (which could have killed me)
My family rushed me to children’s hospital and the doctors decided to let the hole in my neck close and see what happens.
My doctors don’t know how I made it through the night or days after.
I went home after a couple weeks and that’s when I started living my life as a “normal” child.
All of my sisters were involved in dance classes, my parents( doctors didn’t agree) enrolled me in to classes.
        THATS WHERE MY LIFE CHANGED
Dance became my passion, along with gymnastics and musical theatre.
Something my family, doctors or even myself never thought I would EVER do.
On my 18th birthday it was a mixture of emotions.
I made a milestone that no one said I would ever see.
I competed in dance and gymnastics until I was 19 years of age as well as did over 60 musicals at my local theatre company.
I never thought I would ever have a boy love me because I had “too many problems” or even get married for that matter.
Fast forward, I am now almost 33 ( June .11th is my birthday)
Married for almost 8 years to my best friend.
Happy doesn’t even cover what I feel everyday waking up next to my love.
We may not have a “family” of our own but we are happy and in love over the moon with one another.

So why did I just ramble on with this?
Because I’m a MIRACLE and a SURVIVOR.
Even though I don’t remember much from my childhood and what I and my family had to endure, I have been fighter since my first breath.

I’M A SURVIVOR and I’VE MADE IT....

She is gripping her favorite lipstick
  It was a gift from one of his trips
  And she is asking herself on repeat
  ‘Should I still be holding onto it?’

She puts down the fork and the knife
    on her plate
  It was their favorite diner to date
  And she whispers to no one
  ‘Am I really done?’

She is sitting on top of a hill
  On the bench where they used to
   chill
  And she stares at the sunset looking
   drawn
  ‘Shouldn’t I, too, move on?’

She puts her headphones on
  It is his favorite classical song
  She presses the square-shaped
   symbol and let out a sob
  ‘This needs to stop.’

She is staring at her screen
  They are their vacation pictures on
   the scene
  And on one click, the screen proposes
  ‘Erase all?’ or ‘Close?’

She is petting a bird
  It was their lovely baby parrot
  And she opens the cage door
  ‘I am ready to let go.’

he's getting married
and she's pregnant

i'm lying in my own
***** and blood

i guess when it happens, it happens
i guess when it doesn't, it doesn't