My emotions are so strong they show up on my body.
sad?
i have scars for that.
happy?
the wrinkles in the corner of my eyes.
scared?
my body starts to tremble.
in love?
my eyelashes flutter.
my body expresses my emotions better than my words.
so when i can't say whats going on in my mind, please, i beg you, look at my body.
look at the way i'm nervously twirling my hair, or my hands anxiously shake, or my eyes drift around in the distance in sadness.
my emotions show, you just need to pay attention.

when i get this bad i feel like i'm trapped in a room and i'm running out of  oxygen.
my breathing gets faster and shorter.
the walls close in.
my chest fells like it has 100  pounds on it  forcing my ribs to cave in.
sometimes i feel like this for a second, other times days.
but then there's certain people and they 're like my oxygen .
they help me breathe.
it's hard when they aren't around.
i need them.
they're my oxygen.
i'll die without them

things people taught me:
that the love you have must come at the expense of people around you.
that once you give something, it's yours to take from them.
that being alone is the only safe place.
that being alone is a dangerous thing.
that to feel comfortable with someone you need to assert your dominance.
that you can never feel comfortable.
that marks and bruises mean you care.
that the marks and bruises not only show on my body but in my mind.
that no matter what the situation is my feelings are invalid.
that my bedroom is a safe and private place.
that nothing is really private.
that safety is just an illusion.
that happiness or sadness has more to do with sleep then choice.
that every conflict must be met with loud noises and anger.
that love consists of constant criticism and pain.