Here it goes,
sudden change
It ought to be expected
since life never stays the same
I've tried and I've failed,
and I've tried and I've succeeded
I've had words to speak my mind with,
and some words have been kept as secrets
I've been both inspired and discouraged
by dreams and the reality of expectations
I've seen beauty and beautiful flaws
and I have a habit of setting foot
in places I've been before
In a constant rut,
I guess all I want is a life worth something more
Time to move on,
embrace the changes as they appear
It's time to dig, scratch, step and climb my way out
Before time passes me 100 years

Here's to another decade
Of my life that is about to begin
A new slate, a fresh start
Let the years wash away my sins
Like water, I can age
But I'll never lose my form
Like a larvae grows into a beautiful moth
My soul shall be reborn
Do not mind those around you
Who are already on their way....,
To getting married and expecting their first born child
Do not rush it, because even that will be you, too, someday
So be 20 and enjoy it, you'll be in your 20s for only a decade
And blow out your 20 candles
Because 20 will become 100 one of these days.

I have a new fear in my mind
I never thought it would exist
That my lover could leave me
For death's cold, thorny kiss
Although he still lives,
With a beat in his veins
The possibility is there
And must be suppressed everyday
His demons are not demons
But only one monster
She sits on his lap, sometimes his shoulder
He works hard everyday to turn her away, a sight he doesn't want to see
Addiction is a *****,
And she wants him to cheat on me

She longed for the African soil
Oh how she wanted to go
To where the beasts of the land
Matched the wilderness of her soul

She longed for the Sahara sunsets
To see the peak of Mount Ngai
Where the endless yellow savannah grass meets the infinite blue sky
She longed to hear zebras chirp
And elephants trumpet on the water
To hear a lioness's chuff at her cubs
To hear a hyena's laughter

but time continues on and life happens every inch of the way
And so she whispers to her heart
"Maybe someday"

But she's learning that Africa isn't just a place on television or on a globe
Africa is wherever her heart finds adventure
It's already in her bones

Africa is where she wants it to be
Africa is already inside,
boiling the blood in her veins
Africa is where adventure thrives

I'd be a big liar if I were to write a happy poem today,
as if my problems were all washed away
But I guess we all have problems, ado,
so let's sew the fine lines together;
of me and you
Tell me your issues,
mine could be worse
Tomorrow they could take me away in a hearse
but let's not get excited,
life is a blessing in a curse
so write a happy poem and bury your past
Smile when you can and make the good times last

In a dim room lit by candlelight
My ears are only filled with my thoughts
In a cherry blossom bubble bath,
Hot coco besides me,
My relaxed mind can weave itself into a creative knot
Words find their places like puzzle pieces fitting into the ultimate picture
Yet I am still looking for the epiphany,
The sudden light that will beacon me to the greater scheme;
And my life will have purpose

I am an artistic soul
My eyes feed on color and line
My heart often does carry the heavy weight,
But demands so little time
For each second that I spend with you, time stands still and I lock the moving minutes in place
Only then can I paint on a canvas,
Only then can I remember the flame
My eyes feed on the colors of spring
My eyes feed on the shaded contrasts and rich hues
However, the magnificent sights that life has given me
Will never feed my hunger with the presence of you
I would trade the romantic aroma of roses,
For a mere breezed hint of your skin
I would trade the bright reds and oranges of a sunset,
For a glance at the dimples on your chin
I'd turn away ever so quickly,
From the beauty of the sun's trickling light; as its morning rays peek through tree branches
If it instead would show me the shine in your eyes
I am an artist
My eyes play the music of a muse;
when color and line are the strings to my golden harp
But I would trade my eyesight for blindness
If it would win your heart

A feather dances
From ancient winds from the past
And mountains will stand

Persephathena-
Two Greek goddesses as one
Persephone and Athena..
One is power and the will to fight, one is regrowth and beauty of the sun
One conquers, one lives in the flowery meadows
One embraces wisdom..the other compliments Hade's shadows
Persephathena
Two traits come into one being
Opposites, alike, into one heart that's beating.

Its just an hour until I see you every drive that we make
I don't count the change in minutes
Like quarters in my hands
Or collected rocks on my mother's windowpane
The distance becomes shorter with song and romance on the heart
Knowing it's all temporary
Maybe one day we won't be an hour apart
I've had this distance before between a former suitor and I
But he didn't have the same look in your eyes
As when the hour is up and the reunion rejoices

An hour is just an hour, my love, to the heart's tenacious choices

I often stop and wonder
About the beauty of life
Was this world created,
Just to be adored by our eyes?
Surely there must be a God,
Or some higher entity
Who created the sunrises and sunsets;
Such colorful masterpieces
I believe that God is an artist
A painter; a sculptor, who pays good care
We are only the bouquets in His still life
He paints our picture from a distance
Away from our spotlight,
He's always there

Take me to an arboretum
Where we can stroll down cobblestone paths
Take me to an arboretum
Where the beauty will erase the rains of our pasts
Take me to an arboretum
Where the oak and weeping willows will dance in the wind
Take me to an arboretum
Where we can kiss under flowering magnolia blossom limbs
Take me to an arboretum
Where we can dance under the twilight
in a gazebo overlookibg a pond
Take me to an arboretum
Where red roses and butterfly bushes make my heart so fond
Take me to an arboretum
Where we can have a picnic under the birch trees and maples
Take me to an arboretum
And my love will always remain
loyal and faithful

Finances, bills, and blood to pay,
Only for the hope of resting one day
But when the day comes, and my heart no longer beats a sound,
Can I say my life was worth the journey, from birth to being underground?
Work extra shifts, sweat one more drop from your forehead,
Enjoy the thrill of the hustle before you're dead.

I do not understand the reason,
you came into my life with its changing seasons
Twisting and conforming,
you are my love in a past life
Yet this is the life I'm living,
and I am in love with him
Yet your presence is that of a light bulb in a world growing dim
I like to imagine we once lived
in a small flat in Ireland
Your golf hat remained on the top of your head
and we were married, hand in hand
Two souls reunited,
but now strictly apart
I'd like to say we're still the same
in the Ireland of our hearts
Ben Howard is playing in the distance,
do you remember when you showed me his songs?
Two souls distanced,
an instinct that tells me I'm wrong.

Are we birds in cages,
Waiting to be set free?
Or are we the door and lock?
Maybe we're the key?
We're either the person that sits and waits;
Full of beauty- so full of grace
Or we are the type that only sees the door, sees the cage and is eager for something more
Some people are the key, they know their worth-what's being locked away;
but don't understand the word "free"
Bird cages and birds,
Locks and keys
Be a bird
When the world is no longer free

Spring blossoms hold beauty
but green leaves hold a tree's life
So don't seek for only beauty
when seeking a wife

A bread crumb trail of words
You have spoken to me,
Has lead me to believe in your shy honesty
Your coy actions and moments hide behind coarse and buffed muscle
Yet being your soft and gentle counterpart completes this whole puzzle
So say the sweet things to me that add more crumbs to this trail
We may be lost at the moment,
But love never fails

She missed the intimacy
Of her past lovers
She missed the simplicity
Under the covers
Taking company with soldiers, poets, artists, musicians and free thinkers
She missed being a free thinker
And Lust was never a chore
Before
Switch the feelings on and off,
Convincing herself it's all she wants
Because the poets, soldiers, and musicians never stayed
And now, she was settling
And her dreams of true love are wasted
Away

I am a broken bow,
Only my arrows truly know,
Like memories, they've aimed to where I've been
Like darts to the sky,
My memories are my only kin
To love is to lose and sacrifice so much..
We put aside the ones we love
So we can give our all to that one, picked lover
And give up on our feelings for another
I am a broken bow, my arches once knew innocence...
Now I am a dusty slingshot that can no longer hold promises.

Her eyes were brown,
Even black, sometimes
But she envied blue eyes the most
She imagined her face with eyes like the sky, eyes like shiny blue bowls
But the more she wished her brown eyes away,
The more she longed for her soul

For so long, she believed that no one could love the magic of her glassy, dark eyes
But as time went on, she began to sing her own brown-eye lullaby

Her eyes were warmer than the bluest summer sky,
They'd twinkle brighter than any star,
Melting you into a chocolatey fountain
And while her eyes would never share the color of the sea
Her eyes mirrored a thousand mountains

Build, build
build up the anxiety
build, build,
build up the atrocity
build it up and break it down
build your bridge with a smile,
wreck it with a screaming frown
Build, build
and never know
That the hardest bridge to cross
is better let go

It's been a while
And I've grown quite numb
To the opinions of my peers
And the attributes would succumb
Only to settle on happiness or joy
Why must a girl sacrifice, explain herself, justify who she is..
For the right to love a boy?

And to the parents who make me feel like a burden,
Each time they complain about my existence in this gloomy house; its a knife to my stomach
You see, I've grown tired of crying off the stress
Since when was my life a giant web of a mess?
I've learned many things from people I wanted to surround myself with
now all I know is that love is setting fire to a built bridge

And yet...
Here I am, a page away from a new chapter
Here comes the autumn, and what comes after
Here comes college, two years; too long of a wait
Here comes new memories to make the bad ones fade away

For far too long I studied my attic
Studying the architecture;
The beams making a perfect gallows-like feature

I took a long flight out to Colorado to escape the demons and find inner peace
But sometimes these demons still follow me...

Am I a catalyst?
A perfect equationalized lesson before
Before the rest happens?
Just when I find the love of my life
They find theirs after me
Painfully
And while its bubbling and brewing like a sour cup of black coffee
You thank me for my time because without me
You wouldn't have met her
You wouldn't have learned
The reason you treated me one way
But not her.
So next comes the ring and everyone's eyes are magnetically glued
But I was just the catalyst, the formula you needed to use
And now I'm just evidence of what led her to you

Changes are bound to happen
changes are all we see
changes turn a caged tiger
into a refugee running free
Changes are what happen
to your hair roots as they turn grey
Changes are what happen to our same sky everyday
Changes turn strangers into beloved friends
Sometimes changes make loved ones disappear
I've learned, however,

that changes happen when something good is near

Spring is not the same
unless you're in Washington, D.C.
Not one Washington garden is overlooked or overseen

Pink cherry blossoms wave a sweet fragrance in the air
as their branches lift
We hold it in memorium that peace was a sacred gift
offered to us in the form of pink flowers from a country done with war
In Washington, D.C, the color pink means so much more

"Clemit? Like a clementine? That's your middle name?"
....A small moment I'll never forget,
I fell in love that day

I've fallen in love many times,
And then a surplus amount
But each time I'd break or break the heart of another,
It'd leave my soul with doubt

Just when I started to believe that
No man would pour himself into me
And open his heart to a triumphant romance

You entered my life with gentle eyes and a yearning soul
That I swear, by God, was not just by chance

We clip a bird's wings so it won't fly away,
A sin we commit because we care
But if people were like parrots and we clipped the wings of our lovers,
Then can we agree that love was never there?

Like a ******* addict needs a quick fix,
I need constant fixes of happiness
The search never ends; for things to pass the time
The search never ends; for distractions that keep me from pulling out this hair of mine
Though I look for things to do;
Painting, reading, music, what ever I choose..
I have become numb and less motivated
Numb, with lack of motivation
A poisonous pair of walking shoes
A painful pair of walking shoes
In due time,
Give me the strength to pick a compass over a noose

Oh how these times are contradictory to the fire in my soul!
That once was a fearlessness is now a sinking hole
I once dodged lovers who made me feel like I walked on glass
That everything I did was wrecking what we had
The people who make you feel unfit or that you need to be three steps ahead
I recorded such brokenness and my heart whispered "Never again."

Yet,
I've let down my guard so quick and fell comfortable too fast
And still I was hurt despite a different approach from my past

Contradictions,
How to live?
How to love?
Can I walk on eggshells with a partner,
Or is being too cautious too much?

Contradictions of the heart
When I'm experiencing two points of view
What is so easily kept inside my head
Is stirred by thoughts of you

Sometimes I wonder if
I'm good enough for your love
Like a missing ingredient to the best batch of cookies,
I'm looking for something between us that I fear isn't whisking in your veins
Stir, stir
Passion is a rare ingredient
Often improvised with lust
But passion is the concrete between our building blocks of what's US
It's the egg whites holding everything else together
And yet this egg isn't cracking
This flower isn't blooming
Or is it in my mind?
Am I thinking too much?
The looking glass of social media only steals happiness while we compare strangers to a timeline that isn't now
It isn't now
And while I'm asking myself "why did he publicly debut her presence in his life but not me?"
Stir, stir. Remind yourself of the kiss you shared on your couch in your dim candlelit apartment when he kissed you. REALLY kissed you.
Yeah. Remember that?
Passion is a rare ingredient and I'm just cracking the egg

Cradling words, only three
Like a cradled butterfly in your palm readying to fly free
It almost slipped from my mouth as we kissed
but I held on tight
I wasn't sure if those three words are ready to take flight
So fragile and delicate
From your finger to its wing
Oh how I want to free it and let my heart sing!
But time reveals the truth in all of these good things

Where have you gone?
Have you slipped from my veins?
Have you run away, hiding,
to streets with unknown names?
Have you marked a pin on your map,
and set your compass true?
Have you mastered the game plan,
of how I intend to get to you?
You were once my ink, my charcoal, my paint
now the turpentine, the bleach that washes it all away
I've stayed up looking for you,
tossing and turning in my thoughts
my creativity is a long lost friend,
a battle I've always fought.

Here I am, dancing in the wind
I've got this mental journal in my head
it's filled with lines of sonnets and verse
The only thing I love to write about
is time being turned in reverse
Creativity is like a jungle cat
She comes and goes as she may please
and well, that is that
Creativity is a near ghoul in my mind
she disappears, comes and goes,
lately she hasn't been so kind
Because Creativity is a relentless ghost, she is
She creates and destroys,
envies, and produces
She tosses and turns,
her results are invisibly inconclusive
because she is so fluid-like
She seldomly hides
or at least to others
I call her name,
it's just her game
"Red Rover, Red Rover!" I call to her,
"C'mon, come out, Creativity!"
But during the day she always sleeps
And at night,
well at night,
she plays.

Some days are just a cup of coffee
Other days are something else
thats not my cup of tea
Some days I'm a bucket of rocks
Other days I'm a bucket of ice cream
But all I want
Is a week of peace
But it seems impossible
Since you've stolen pieces of me

And if I stay
I'll wither away
With a smile
And in love
But if I go
I go with dignity
I'd be lonely but whole
I don't know why I said yes
To being yours
But I guess that pressure makes us Wear our hearts on our sleeves
So babe that's why I gotta leave

Some days are still a cup of coffee
On lonely rainy days
other days are still sips of iced tea
Inside warm sunny rays

I can only imagine the pain you'd harbor inside
The day when I leave
It's killing me to plan my escape
While you're sleeping naked next to me

And if I stay
I'll wither away
With a smile
And in love
But if I go
I go with dignity
I'd be lonely but whole
I don't know why I said yes
To being yours
But I guess that pressure makes us Wear our hearts on our sleeves
So babe that's why I gotta leave

Dear Sara,
Was it heartbreak that killed you?
That drove your desire to be free?
Of this life and the next?
Of a somber soliloquy?
Dear Sara, you wrote beautifully as a caged bird who was chained
When they found your body do you think their minds had really changed?
Did they drive you to the point of madness? Delirium on your brain?
I hope you're infinitely walking the fields of spring
A heaven, despite the mistake you made
Dear Sara I've read your books, thousands of poems, songs, and tales
The world loved what you had to say
Dear Sara I know you're free
but could it have been another way?

Is a cactus real?
Or an armored aloe plant?
Don't drink cactus juice.

Tranquility
Isn't free
Freedom of the mind
Can come at a heavy price
The swirls of distraction
are sending me down underwater rabbit holes
Like Van Gogh's
Starry Night

Slow down.

And I'm swimming with a tiger
The spirit of desire
and he wants to feast
But I've got my eyes on the shore
Someone come save me from this place
Before I learn to love his teeth's embrace
And crave more

I'm craving more.

I don't want to be treated better
Than the girl who haunts your dreams
All I want my love, is to be treated
Differently

I don't admire your indifference
To how our title should be
That the whole world should see us, and that is
Differently

Friends can offer comfort, an encouraging word or three
But I am not a friend, but a lover
And so I want to be treated
Differently

Your eyes once lit the room for her
A way they'll never light up for me
And so you'll never treat me on the same terms you did for her
Differently

Lovers come and go,
And I know how our paths are meant to be
Your actions spoke over what words wouldn't show
Differently

So I must go.

I wish you'd say it already,
Like I've been too scared to admit
Yeah we must both be kind of crazy,
There's no denying it
But is it possible that Cupid hit me a little too hard?
Because lately a drum is beating in my chest,
This sad and weary heart
I know I take everything too personally and I try not to, so hard
But after all this time of being a door mat
It's extra work to turn this door mat into a deck of playing cards
And I will put down a queen of hearts
If you put down a king of hearts
Admit that you love me, my love
Admit that you love me, my love

Walking on egg shells
Does more damage than
Walking on glass
Glass quickly cuts the skin, and all heals
As time will pass
Egg shells build a climactic crunch
An eerie silence leading to-
I'd rather cut my feet on glass
Than break my heart again over you

He asked, I said yes!
Oh, what joy!
Mama, I knew he was the right boy!
It's going to be work,
all marriages are
I know patience and love can go far

I'll take him with his flaws, his baggage, and quirks
Maybe even do the dishes when he's at work
I won't complain about the socks on the floor,
or shavings in the sink
I won't nag him when he comes home and he's too tired to think

As long as I have my cup of tea and a kiss
As long as I have my paper and computer to write
As long as I have my paintbrushes
Forever with him is not long enough of time

Our bittersweet glances
Grew into a murderous silence
My heart has never known sour,
Never known such violence
As you dropped the bomb,
The nuclear tear
Oh, my love- I was simply unaware

Maybe it was pressure,
But I never glanced at its gage
I simply knew that I loved you and
That it was enough to make your heart stay
To know loving arms,
When your world was a storming sea
Despite my own adversities

Like an earthquake it rattled,
Like how diamonds need pressure in the rough

No, it wasn't my love that wasn't enough

Coffee, coffee
Wake me up
Coffee, coffee
Until my day is done
Coffee, coffee,
Keep me from killing others
Coffee, coffee,
I'm turning out just like my mother
Coffee and its addicting creamers
Coffee makes my digestive tract cleaner
Coffee coffee
The love of my life
Coffee, coffee, coffee

Babe,
There's something tragic about you
Something so magic about you
I can't disagree
Babe,
There's something frightening about you
Something so inviting about you
You're all I see

These tired sighs, these rolling eyes
And the irony
I know you care
Just by your stare
That you want me

Honey, it's peculiar
Not meant for nature;
Although,
Innocence is screaming
I know you suffered the most
Chivalry's dying
Bleeding itself to death on its sword
I see you in this Eden
My heart is yours

Babe,
There's something terrible about this
Something so mesmerizing about this
Yeah it's a sin
Babe,
There's something not natural about this
Something demanding about this
But I wanna let you in

You once could stand,
There was no evil plan
Just your ideology
That Man would ruin everything good
You knew Adam would ruin everything

Honey, it's peculiar
Not meant for nature;
Although,
Innocence is screaming
I know you suffered the most
Chivalry's dying
Bleeding itself to death on its sword

Honey, it's peculiar
Not meant for nature;
Although,
Innocence is screaming
I know you suffered the most
Chivalry's dying
Bleeding itself to death on its sword
I see you in this Eden
My heart is yours

The freckles in his eyes remind me of constellations at dusk
Who knew such constellations could exist?
So subtle, yet so outstanding
That when the sun hits them
His eyes of honey reveal the spots I want to exist inside of

Like stardust to a nebula
Like a caterpillar to a chrysalis
A diamond inside amethyst
Cold air inside a hollow metal pole  
I want to be engulfed
And our two souls,
Whole

Inside his eyes of honey
Where constellations glisten in twilight

At first it seems like you're almost there..
the place or goal you've worked ******* all year
Then you trip or stumble on something so minuscule
Like one less dollar on your paycheck or something more critical
"If I had only done this.." You mumble in your breath
You blame yourself for your own dream's death
You dig and you dig until you're across the seas
Seems like the hole you're in is just plain too deep
No matter how many times you get told to "take baby steps"
Some days... You don't give a **** about yourself or the rest.
Dig and dig more until you almost see Hell's fire,
you're digging without trying, this was never your desire
At this moment, pretty much, you're just sinking in...
and this is when you question,
"Which wolf in me will win?"

Staring at photos from what was once a simple time,
We were two toddlers dancing at a wedding,
then we grew up, you became mine
Fast forward to when things became messy
Hearts shattered;broken,
and the feelings got heavy
But we swore to stay friends, do you remember it then?
I understand you found new love,
and this gives me joy
But you'll always be a family friend, not just some boy
I miss you and wish you didn't cut off so many ties
This included me, and brought pain to my eyes
I can understand if the burden of the new and old gave you pain,
but please, old friend, why can't you just explain?
Long-lost-Tyler,
I still write to you...wondering if you ever get my letters
Maybe someday, it'll all get better

I'm going to binge on writing poems right before bed
I've got work at 7am tomorrow, and it's already 1am
Depressing thoughts characterized into demons and monsters in the shadows
Sometimes these thoughts
Can hang over you just like a gallows
Sleep, rest your eyes, blast Sleeping At Last
Let the music take you away from your evil past
Forget the person you were, and respect that the others will always remember
Forgive yourself,
Don't ignite the soon, dying embers
Sleep, forget..
Sleep and forgive
Because the worst part about it is,
You're forgetting how to live

We are but in a fun house,
Paralleled and mirrored in time
With our fingers pressed against the glass,
We cautiously pace through the clicking rhymes
Our own reflections confuse us,
Disguising our true way
But if our only way out was through our words,
I'd still struggle to find what to say

Come to my garden
And see what you'll find
You'll see me sitting next to foxgloves and writing prose
Where poets dance inside my mind

And if you shall see me pruning my roses
and collecting their soft and fragrant blooms
I've left a vase inside my apartment
where they will light up my room

And maybe, just maybe,
If you sing with me songs of prose and verse,
Sweet melodies of bliss
I'll show you my love
with a rose from my garden
And reinforce it with a kiss