Dear
cup of chai tea,
Oh, how you comfort me
On a rainy day when all is grey
Your warmth and aromas,
Can liberate and free
Cinnamon swirls and vanilla
On my taste buds
You make my senses come alive
Depression and sadness is easily cured
With a warm cup of chai

Coffee, coffee
Wake me up
Coffee, coffee
Until my day is done
Coffee, coffee,
Keep me from killing others
Coffee, coffee,
I'm turning out just like my mother
Coffee and its addicting creamers
Coffee makes my digestive tract cleaner
Coffee coffee
The love of my life
Coffee, coffee, coffee

So this is the life I'm coming to know,
Witnessing new beauty,
Only to be haunted by my ghosts
Old memories of friends
Remind me of the strangers from today
And here I am, alone, sitting near a lake
My friends and former lovers have moved on, and I will too
But I'm still haunted by these ghosts
From this glorious view

What is reminiscing?
Is it thoughtful, memory-filled wishing?
Is it toxic to one's mind?
Is it safe-zoned distancing?
Two paths to look upon..
one of the past, one of the future
Both with pointed signs
Can't the two just blend,
and make everyone happy, in this world of mine?

What is reminiscing?
Is it a fatal, mind-boggling blow?
To me, it's daydreaming of the past..
and imagining yourself with the things you still don't quite know

Prometheus
Do you regret sharing your love?
Do you regret anything at all?
Do you feel you have done enough?
I see you in chains
As a victim, you are what the eagles have claimed
Prometheus,
Has anyone ever thanked you?
We're too busy blaming ourselves for our sins
We've forgotten all about you
How ungrateful, we've become
We belittle the great things we have done
Our accomplishments have suddenly turned into sins
And the light you gave us is slowly turning dim
But I will grow this fire into a beacon
And call the Eagles home
I thank you, Prometheus
For making our voices known

Pear wine
I received from a woman yesterday
She put it in a bottle,
For two years it was saved away
I stopped at her door,
To ask about the bed frame she had advertised
I saw it in her cellar,
Accompanied by homemade wine
I put a fifty dollar deposit down on the oak wood bed frame, foot, and head
I offered her more money, she gave me the bottle instead
That night I drank pear wine
And raised a glass for that loving neighbor
Who gave me pear wine when I offered more money for a bed frame
Greed cannot live in loving favors

Here I am, dancing in the wind
I've got this mental journal in my head
it's filled with lines of sonnets and verse
The only thing I love to write about
is time being turned in reverse
Creativity is like a jungle cat
She comes and goes as she may please
and well, that is that
Creativity is a near ghoul in my mind
she disappears, comes and goes,
lately she hasn't been so kind
Because Creativity is a relentless ghost, she is
She creates and destroys,
envies, and produces
She tosses and turns,
her results are invisibly inconclusive
because she is so fluid-like
She seldomly hides
or at least to others
I call her name,
it's just her game
"Red Rover, Red Rover!" I call to her,
"C'mon, come out, Creativity!"
But during the day she always sleeps
And at night,
well at night,
she plays.

Open your eyes, little one,
And enjoy the smell of the air
Your floppy ears wiggle,
Your clumsy body is covered in hair
I never thought I'd fall in love with a boxer's wrinkles
But I love them more and more each day, and how your eyes twinkle!
You growl and play and sleep in my arms
You'll grow and run and only to shoes, show merciless harm
I look at you and see a future within,
Best of all, little Maverick,
You remind me that life is truly something.

Theirs fangs tower over their tongues
Their eyes could pierce your skin
A devilish smile disguised as a grin
They roam the island, after eight generations of living peacefully
They were dropped off by ships
To run and howl freely
Their numbers had dropped so low,
Man decided they needed a new place to go
But they didn't realize that the day they released the wolves from their crates
The sea captain, a widower's, three year old daughter escaped
The ship left without her,
The captain lived in dis pair
But the young princess knew she was in good care
But one day a prince would come,
He lived a sheltered life, and Crane Island was his new home
He fell in love with the girl raised by wolves
He learned their language
And forever, became one.

The sun kissed her skin
And yet, it did not burn her
...Kinder than lovers

Her eyes were brown,
Even black, sometimes
But she envied blue eyes the most
She imagined her face with eyes like the sky, eyes like shiny blue bowls
But the more she wished her brown eyes away,
The more she longed for her soul

For so long, she believed that no one could love the magic of her glassy, dark eyes
But as time went on, she began to sing her own brown-eye lullaby

Her eyes were warmer than the bluest summer sky,
They'd twinkle brighter than any star,
Melting you into a chocolatey fountain
And while her eyes would never share the color of the sea
Her eyes mirrored a thousand mountains

Why is tenacity so rare to find?
like a blood diamond in volcanic ash,
Fire needs to fuel that raging need to
Just. Hold. On.

What happened to tenacity
And the love that embodied it?
Love for one's friendship, relationship, or purpose?
The tenacity of loving endlessly and effortlessly with no strings attached?
The tenacity of holding on to weakness because weakness in and out of love
Is. Strength?

Perhaps my most favorite people are the most tenacious
I proudly show off my friends and family with tenacious hearts like the most luminescent jewels
The acquaintances that throw decades of friendships away in the name of love, power.... Image.
Their love is only embers, floating on winds that go elsewhere.
I do not intend on keeping them

Find your tenacity like a roaring lion
Find the jewels of tenacity in the ash of your hearts and
Wear them.

they never dull

It's been a while
And I've grown quite numb
To the opinions of my peers
And the attributes would succumb
Only to settle on happiness or joy
Why must a girl sacrifice, explain herself, justify who she is..
For the right to love a boy?

And to the parents who make me feel like a burden,
Each time they complain about my existence in this gloomy house; its a knife to my stomach
You see, I've grown tired of crying off the stress
Since when was my life a giant web of a mess?
I've learned many things from people I wanted to surround myself with
now all I know is that love is setting fire to a built bridge

And yet...
Here I am, a page away from a new chapter
Here comes the autumn, and what comes after
Here comes college, two years; too long of a wait
Here comes new memories to make the bad ones fade away

For far too long I studied my attic
Studying the architecture;
The beams making a perfect gallows-like feature

I took a long flight out to Colorado to escape the demons and find inner peace
But sometimes these demons still follow me...

Changes are bound to happen
changes are all we see
changes turn a caged tiger
into a refugee running free
Changes are what happen
to your hair roots as they turn grey
Changes are what happen to our same sky everyday
Changes turn strangers into beloved friends
Sometimes changes make loved ones disappear
I've learned, however,

that changes happen when something good is near

If I could swallow my words
And take anything I've said
Back into my veins;
Like they never existed,
Out of all the memories
I've rewound in my head
I'd never take back a single word
But maybe would have just kissed you
Instead

So sick of seeing pictures of all the places
I want to see with my own eyes
I want to see redwood sequoias, gentle giants
Utah mountains and pink African skies
But of all the memories I swear to myself that I will make
To feed the insatiable wanderlust of my soul
I want to share all the sights with you
Adventurous lover,
And I know my heart will be whole

Sometimes I wonder if
I'm good enough for your love
Like a missing ingredient to the best batch of cookies,
I'm looking for something between us that I fear isn't whisking in your veins
Stir, stir
Passion is a rare ingredient
Often improvised with lust
But passion is the concrete between our building blocks of what's US
It's the egg whites holding everything else together
And yet this egg isn't cracking
This flower isn't blooming
Or is it in my mind?
Am I thinking too much?
The looking glass of social media only steals happiness while we compare strangers to a timeline that isn't now
It isn't now
And while I'm asking myself "why did he publicly debut her presence in his life but not me?"
Stir, stir. Remind yourself of the kiss you shared on your couch in your dim candlelit apartment when he kissed you. REALLY kissed you.
Yeah. Remember that?
Passion is a rare ingredient and I'm just cracking the egg

If I were lost,
I'd write a farewell note
A letter to each person before boarding onto my journey
If I were lost, I'd gather my belongings and assign them to loved ones
If I were lost, I'd purchase rope
I'd learn to tie a noose
If I were lost, I'd purchase the finest blades
And buy a painting of a sunset of some destination I'll never go to in this life
And place that painting near my bathtub where my last breaths will be
So that I can leave this world and be lost in another....
But I'm not lost.
I'm just a navigator in something new.
And this, too, shall pass.

I can't help but imagine
What it feels like to be monogamous
Unfortunately for me,
My loyalty is infamous
I swim in circles between lovers,
If I could, I would mend them all
And create a morphed partner
But I can't have one world,
I like them all,
From the artisans, to the country folk
Short, big, thin and toned or tall
I'm a wreck at my best, with that there's no doubt
I guess I'll just keep going,
Time will figure it all out

I see us on a stage, singing songs from the heart
But this vision is not from memory,
Only a wish from where those songs could be sung from
Like birds, we rest on such skinny legs
It's amazing how breakable we could be if we put pressure on them
But if we fly, if we soar, and lift from the ground..
Those so-fragile legs will never break or be bound
Some people want to live like birds,
They want to soar, fly, and glide...
But if you're too busy flying and looking down...
You can't enjoy the sun's setting or rise.

A bread crumb trail of words
You have spoken to me,
Has lead me to believe in your shy honesty
Your coy actions and moments hide behind coarse and buffed muscle
Yet being your soft and gentle counterpart completes this whole puzzle
So say the sweet things to me that add more crumbs to this trail
We may be lost at the moment,
But love never fails

Like a ******* addict needs a quick fix,
I need constant fixes of happiness
The search never ends; for things to pass the time
The search never ends; for distractions that keep me from pulling out this hair of mine
Though I look for things to do;
Painting, reading, music, what ever I choose..
I have become numb and less motivated
Numb, with lack of motivation
A poisonous pair of walking shoes
A painful pair of walking shoes
In due time,
Give me the strength to pick a compass over a noose

You see me the way I am,
soft skin and unclothed
I may be imperfect but the lacy silks give me a better glow
I see you the way you are,
bare skin and muscles toned
Under these sheets of sorrow
we often forget who fell.. in love. with. who..... first.

After what we just did I can't feel anything but my heartbeat
You lay your head on my chest and I'm brushing your cheek
Your hair is entangled on my lips, are those scratches on your back?
You looked like you hugged a lion, sorry dear, I never meant to do that..

But when it comes down to being naked,
it's not only about taking off clothes
It's looking into each other's eyes
and seeing our own breathing, ticking souls..
well..
Looking into your soul is like looking at a cameo
dancing on a chain in my hand,
The silhouette then dances on a pendant,
beautiful and illusive,
shadowy transcendence..

Just hold me like a fragile cameo
I hope you learn more about me
by looking into my eyes than what these sheets say,
they often can tell lies
Just imagine us in a fragile cameo
Silhouettes of people, in love but never seen or known
Just a cameo.

Here's to another decade
Of my life that is about to begin
A new slate, a fresh start
Let the years wash away my sins
Like water, I can age
But I'll never lose my form
Like a larvae grows into a beautiful moth
My soul shall be reborn
Do not mind those around you
Who are already on their way....,
To getting married and expecting their first born child
Do not rush it, because even that will be you, too, someday
So be 20 and enjoy it, you'll be in your 20s for only a decade
And blow out your 20 candles
Because 20 will become 100 one of these days.

I hate this confusion
I just need time
My love, we are soul mates but it doesn't mean you're mine
It's complicated and messy
And people feel used
But at least we share an intimacy
That others can't relate to
We stay friends, we get along,
We have a title.. We fight
Why can't we be like the others?
Make love, and call it a night?
A night that turns into a new sunrise,
Where you'll still be mine?
But not in this time, not in this life
When you were drunk, passed out on the floor,
someone told me you'd never be ready for this... For something more
But maybe I'm paranoid?
Maybe I'm the one that has no clue?
Because I think you're talking to me, but you could really be longing for someone new.

Afraid of others,
she went back to her safety
in the net he made

Build, build
build up the anxiety
build, build,
build up the atrocity
build it up and break it down
build your bridge with a smile,
wreck it with a screaming frown
Build, build
and never know
That the hardest bridge to cross
is better let go

I met you as a stranger,
In a way you still don't know me
But our love is still strong,
Or at least it's convincing
I'm in love with you
I adore you
I want to have your babies
I'm just having to settle on the doubts and the maybe's
What is life worth living if the future is planned out?
I've burned my bridges, even betrayed friends ..so we could work out
But you'll never know the sacrifices I make
Just to keep you happy,
Just for your sake
A woman's heart is full of secrets,
Too secret to relieve
After holding them in for so long,
Can you blame a woman for wanting to suddenly drop everything and leave?

Persephathena-
Two Greek goddesses as one
Persephone and Athena..
One is power and the will to fight, one is regrowth and beauty of the sun
One conquers, one lives in the flowery meadows
One embraces wisdom..the other compliments Hade's shadows
Persephathena
Two traits come into one being
Opposites, alike, into one heart that's beating.

The moon can be a friend
In a world so dull,
So dim
When you're feeling lonely
Seek the man on the moon and just talk to him
When your path is too dark to see, he will light your way
And he's always a good listener no matter what you need to say
Greet him like an old friend
He's known you since you were a babe
Now if only people talked to God like that
The world might be a better place

I love you
Your eyes
Your heart and how it smiles
I love your sense of humor
Your empathy
And how you make it all worth while
But I'm toxic, a problem
I'm like a disease
And some how you still share your romantic ecstasy
I love you but I'm disgusted by you
In all the petty ways
I'm learning how to control the lust that burns in my veins
Temptation is strong but I work so hard to walk away with it in stride
From the things I could give in to
like pleasure and pride

This is a poem about new love,
but it isn't mine
Yes, moving on is how we survive
Doesn't it hurt,
to leave a lover behind?
Because your gut told you "Their heart was never mine!"
They grieved over their ex while they were with you
Wondering if her lips were what he felt when he was kissing you
****** up things were said to you,
by this person so toxic
You HAD to get out, but still loved them to be honest
In your best efforts to save him, you let him go
Hoping he'd learn, hoping he'd grow
Not even two months later, he has a new girl by his side
You put your face in your palm,
he never loved you, or else it would have taken more time.

Here it goes,
sudden change
It ought to be expected
since life never stays the same
I've tried and I've failed,
and I've tried and I've succeeded
I've had words to speak my mind with,
and some words have been kept as secrets
I've been both inspired and discouraged
by dreams and the reality of expectations
I've seen beauty and beautiful flaws
and I have a habit of setting foot
in places I've been before
In a constant rut,
I guess all I want is a life worth something more
Time to move on,
embrace the changes as they appear
It's time to dig, scratch, step and climb my way out
Before time passes me 100 years

In a dim room lit by candlelight
My ears are only filled with my thoughts
In a cherry blossom bubble bath,
Hot coco besides me,
My relaxed mind can weave itself into a creative knot
Words find their places like puzzle pieces fitting into the ultimate picture
Yet I am still looking for the epiphany,
The sudden light that will beacon me to the greater scheme;
And my life will have purpose

Some days are just a cup of coffee
Other days are something else
thats not my cup of tea
Some days I'm a bucket of rocks
Other days I'm a bucket of ice cream
But all I want
Is a week of peace
But it seems impossible
Since you've stolen pieces of me

And if I stay
I'll wither away
With a smile
And in love
But if I go
I go with dignity
I'd be lonely but whole
I don't know why I said yes
To being yours
But I guess that pressure makes us Wear our hearts on our sleeves
So babe that's why I gotta leave

Some days are still a cup of coffee
On lonely rainy days
other days are still sips of iced tea
Inside warm sunny rays

I can only imagine the pain you'd harbor inside
The day when I leave
It's killing me to plan my escape
While you're sleeping naked next to me

And if I stay
I'll wither away
With a smile
And in love
But if I go
I go with dignity
I'd be lonely but whole
I don't know why I said yes
To being yours
But I guess that pressure makes us Wear our hearts on our sleeves
So babe that's why I gotta leave

Pluck from the front,
Pluck from the back
Give in to your addiction
That glues your head to a hat
You want to wear your hair down in curly waves?
Or fishtail braid it,
Or twist it to the side someday?
You can't even part it down the middle,
Without revealing a bald spot
That is the size of your face
You feel the stress, so you pluck it all away
Black out; keep plucking and
Forget about the time
See the hairs on the floor and mourn over what once was mine

Take me to an arboretum
Where we can stroll down cobblestone paths
Take me to an arboretum
Where the beauty will erase the rains of our pasts
Take me to an arboretum
Where the oak and weeping willows will dance in the wind
Take me to an arboretum
Where we can kiss under flowering magnolia blossom limbs
Take me to an arboretum
Where we can dance under the twilight
in a gazebo overlookibg a pond
Take me to an arboretum
Where red roses and butterfly bushes make my heart so fond
Take me to an arboretum
Where we can have a picnic under the birch trees and maples
Take me to an arboretum
And my love will always remain
loyal and faithful

I called you into the sea
so you can swim under the stars with me
In the water we swim,
skin on skin
My love, I'm afraid I've devoured you whole
You're in my clenched jaw now
You're unaware of my teeth
Can you tell me how?
How do you not know?
I'm a parasitic, heart throb..
The darkest part of me,
is where my life went wrong.

With the coming rain
It seems to wash away
All our doings,
All our crimes,
Giving back a sunny day
The water washes away the dirt on our skin
It washes away everything
In a grey and lonesome process
So we can begin again

I wish you'd say it already,
Like I've been too scared to admit
Yeah we must both be kind of crazy,
There's no denying it
But is it possible that Cupid hit me a little too hard?
Because lately a drum is beating in my chest,
This sad and weary heart
I know I take everything too personally and I try not to, so hard
But after all this time of being a door mat
It's extra work to turn this door mat into a deck of playing cards
And I will put down a queen of hearts
If you put down a king of hearts
Admit that you love me, my love
Admit that you love me, my love

I am a broken bow,
Only my arrows truly know,
Like memories, they've aimed to where I've been
Like darts to the sky,
My memories are my only kin
To love is to lose and sacrifice so much..
We put aside the ones we love
So we can give our all to that one, picked lover
And give up on our feelings for another
I am a broken bow, my arches once knew innocence...
Now I am a dusty slingshot that can no longer hold promises.

I want to be a lily pad,
Floating so gracefully
I want to be a lily pad,
Where the water can comfort me
I'd see the reflections
Of everything that surrounds me,
Mountains on the water,
The willows and groves,
But the only reflection I'd dare to miss is my own
While my roots linger down, underneath the water's edge
My heart will bloom flowers from every single breath
The colorful koi will appreciate my beauty and grace
And still, I have never seen my own face

Staring at photos from what was once a simple time,
We were two toddlers dancing at a wedding,
then we grew up, you became mine
Fast forward to when things became messy
Hearts shattered;broken,
and the feelings got heavy
But we swore to stay friends, do you remember it then?
I understand you found new love,
and this gives me joy
But you'll always be a family friend, not just some boy
I miss you and wish you didn't cut off so many ties
This included me, and brought pain to my eyes
I can understand if the burden of the new and old gave you pain,
but please, old friend, why can't you just explain?
Long-lost-Tyler,
I still write to you...wondering if you ever get my letters
Maybe someday, it'll all get better

On a gloomy, rainy, day
I was supposed to enjoy the hunt
"Bring us venison for the winter time",
They told me,
Then followed by "You cannot"
"You won't shoot anything out here. And you cannot dress the deer in the woods,"
he hissed,
"for the woods will reek with guts"
"Isn't that what nature is for?" I argued,
"To grow over what is dead and lost?"
I yelled at my stepfather,
"You may treat our house like it is a museum, and not being lived in.
But outside there is a different world where death and life begin again"
So I cried and locked myself in my room,
Another day will go to waste
I hung up my bow and arrows,
And whispered to myself,
"Someday."

Looking at pictures,
stuck in time..
A virtual world,
when the world was mine
Responsibilities change,
people do too
Roles bend and break,
and priorities bloom
Why do I put myself in a timeline,
of structure and concrete?
Since when was my happiness the last errand to complete?
Still, I go..
to juggle what fragile time I have
between the people that matter most to me
Balance work, love, friends, my own time and family
I just want to know that what ever decisions I choose..
that the sacrifices I give to be happy...
aren't the people I'd feel great agony to lose.

I found you,
I loved you,
now I am numb
I made love to you,
I shared my world with you,
but now, what we have is so cumbersome
I found you,
I loved you,
but with each kiss I lost a part of me
I kissed you,
I embraced you,
but now I'm a deteriorated personality
The easy way out is to stay with you,
to lose you would be exile from half of my family
Stay with you, live a life not of my own...too simple?
I refuse to stay with you, in this cumbersome middle

Peoples' hearts get stolen all the time
kidnapped lovers, a legal crime..
the answer of a triangle,
a geometrical shape..now turned into just a line
I wonder if the erase marks from the missing points will heal
A favorite musician of mine once said
"Time doesn't heal, no.. not at all",
Time, its truth won't conceal.

Walking through a sunflower patch
Reminds me of Van Gogh
A starry eyed man who saw his world
Painted in rich yellow
And as often as I greet their petals,
Mustard and gold,
I can't help but wonder of this life
So beautiful and bold

And as I grasp these flowers in the palm of my hand
I will also grasp this life

I don't want to be treated better
Than the girl who haunts your dreams
All I want my love, is to be treated
Differently

I don't admire your indifference
To how our title should be
That the whole world should see us, and that is
Differently

Friends can offer comfort, an encouraging word or three
But I am not a friend, but a lover
And so I want to be treated
Differently

Your eyes once lit the room for her
A way they'll never light up for me
And so you'll never treat me on the same terms you did for her
Differently

Lovers come and go,
And I know how our paths are meant to be
Your actions spoke over what words wouldn't show
Differently

So I must go.

They met but through a screen
In a futuristic world
Where relationships were built long before
Actually. Meeting. Someone.
Two artists. One soul.

But she longed for capturing all five senses of him and his masterpiece mind
Her heart races every time she wonders how his concentrated eyes look,
Carefully painting the brush strokes on his canvas.

She thought of the senses and counted them out with her fingers;
"Sight, sound- I've seen and heard you on the phone.
What was left? Ah, yes- touch, and smell, and taste."

She wondered what he would feel like in her embrace.
She wondered what he would smell like- of natural sandalwood? Cologne?

Then she remembered the last sense, taste.
"To taste you on my lips," she thought, "would be art."