He has his demons from his past
And quite frankly, so do I
I'm once again the lonelyest person
When he came into my life
Do I take in his flaws and accept the gamble,
That would give away my heart?
Why do I feel like he holds the only light,
When the world is dimming dark?
Show me the world through your eyes
And in this life, how you've made it by
your voice and accent hypnotized me
Into an easier state of mind
Behind the glass, I can see your soul
Comical, light, and warm
Make the chaos run away
Like rays of gold outshine a dark and rainy storm

I love to photograph
the wild things in the land
If it weren't for the finned and clawed creatures
We wouldn't understand the
technology in our hands

Sonar is what we use to get a glimpse of pre-born babies
We have sonar from dolphins and bats
and yet we scream, "Rabies!"

We wouldn't understand infrasound if it weren't for
the elephants
But we only see their ivory, not their intelligence

Tigers and leopards are born to be trained assassins with
their patterned camouflaged coats
But we make them our trophies because humans need to gloat

We owe omega three's to the schools of fish who gave us healthy brains and hearts
But instead we fill their bellies with plastic and tear their reefs apart

Savannas and forests are turning into deserts because of climate change
But we insist it's just a theory
Who cares about polar bears anyway?

Yes, I love to photograph the wild beasts with
fins, claws, and tails
Because I'm afraid that someday
future generations will ask,
"What was once a whale?"

My heart is a withered rose
Tainted, yet beautiful at its most
In these deep poisoned veins of its colorful petals
it seems to lack its most thickest metals
Once in a while, another petal falls to the ground
and inside me, another part of me dies without a sound
no tears, no thorns, no leaves, just dark red veins
petal after petal,
petal after petal
until I've shed everything down to a cold, numb hateful fist.

Spring is not the same
unless you're in Washington, D.C.
Not one Washington garden is overlooked or overseen

Pink cherry blossoms wave a sweet fragrance in the air
as their branches lift
We hold it in memorium that peace was a sacred gift
offered to us in the form of pink flowers from a country done with war
In Washington, D.C, the color pink means so much more

it's 6:30 in the morning,
I know you are asleep
I'm headed off to work,
another day's pay, to keep
I dreamed of you last night, and the night before
as I lay next to him...now, he's a stranger at my door
Memories of vanilla steam come in and out of my head
When the day is done, I come back home,
to a stranger in my bed.
Vanilla steam, strawberries and cream,
that once lingered in a kiss
orange popsicle-memory on my tongue,
what simple joys, I miss.

I hate this.
This constant wandering, like jumping over sides
but the only steps I'm moving are the feet in my mind
Asking, "Am I happy?", "Is this what, WHO, I want to BE?"
Then I remember, at least I'm always going to be me..
Who you're with, does that defy you?
Does your individualism go away?
Sacrifices are necessary,
but will they remember me or my name?
I'm artistic, poetic, I crave ink on paper and metaphoric songs in the sun
I am not some princess, or that "country girl" who can always use a gun
I may laugh and follow you through this life, us..as a team,
but darling, my rifle is my paintbrush..my canvas, my trophy.

A poet is a poet,
no matter how much time has gone by
without writing the words from the souls of our eyes
A poet is a poet,
don't mind if the cat got my tongue
because my mind still holds beauty
even when the tiresome day is done

I often stop and wonder
About the beauty of life
Was this world created,
Just to be adored by our eyes?
Surely there must be a God,
Or some higher entity
Who created the sunrises and sunsets;
Such colorful masterpieces
I believe that God is an artist
A painter; a sculptor, who pays good care
We are only the bouquets in His still life
He paints our picture from a distance
Away from our spotlight,
He's always there

I'm going to binge on writing poems right before bed
I've got work at 7am tomorrow, and it's already 1am
Depressing thoughts characterized into demons and monsters in the shadows
Sometimes these thoughts
Can hang over you just like a gallows
Sleep, rest your eyes, blast Sleeping At Last
Let the music take you away from your evil past
Forget the person you were, and respect that the others will always remember
Forgive yourself,
Don't ignite the soon, dying embers
Sleep, forget..
Sleep and forgive
Because the worst part about it is,
You're forgetting how to live

Babe,
There's something tragic about you
Something so magic about you
I can't disagree
Babe,
There's something frightening about you
Something so inviting about you
You're all I see

These tired sighs, these rolling eyes
And the irony
I know you care
Just by your stare
That you want me

Honey, it's peculiar
Not meant for nature;
Although,
Innocence is screaming
I know you suffered the most
Chivalry's dying
Bleeding itself to death on its sword
I see you in this Eden
My heart is yours

Babe,
There's something terrible about this
Something so mesmerizing about this
Yeah it's a sin
Babe,
There's something not natural about this
Something demanding about this
But I wanna let you in

You once could stand,
There was no evil plan
Just your ideology
That Man would ruin everything good
You knew Adam would ruin everything

Honey, it's peculiar
Not meant for nature;
Although,
Innocence is screaming
I know you suffered the most
Chivalry's dying
Bleeding itself to death on its sword

Honey, it's peculiar
Not meant for nature;
Although,
Innocence is screaming
I know you suffered the most
Chivalry's dying
Bleeding itself to death on its sword
I see you in this Eden
My heart is yours

My demons, they are loud
but start out soft in my mind
More and more they grow,
their voices become my crimes
"You want it", they whisper,
"You need it", they scream
But I am just their user, their host in my dream
I sit back and laugh at them,
"You think you have a hold on me?
Old habits die hard, but the effort is worth being free!"

"Silly girl,", they snap, like wolves that show their teeth,
"you treat us like we're an enemy, but only you hold the key."
And so I embrace them, like old friends that sit around a fire,
"I'm listening," I tell them, "what is it you desire?"
"We only wish to be heard, not feared, although it seems,
as if we are evil..but evil exists in everything.
You have temptations, aye, that is our fault.
You lack concentration, you'll be taught
"You see, silly girl," They tell me, "ugly we may be-..but the only way to face us, is to embrace our chaotic company."

You may see a hat,
but you don't see the bruises underneath
You may see a smile,
yet you don't see the scars on my inside cheek
I've had a habit of biting my tongue
I blame it on being too young,
and I don't know what anything really is

Everyday is a wake up call
Everything I say is another way to fall
Everything, everywhere, everyone..
I'm so envious of that word "every".

"Just smile!" He told me.... "You're pretty", He tells me..
So I smile, and accept the fact that he'll never know the real me..
Hold your tongue, hold your breath,
make yourself believe that you love him to death
Bite my tongue, clench my teeth...
After all, it's just a little blood on my inside cheek.

Where have you gone?
Have you slipped from my veins?
Have you run away, hiding,
to streets with unknown names?
Have you marked a pin on your map,
and set your compass true?
Have you mastered the game plan,
of how I intend to get to you?
You were once my ink, my charcoal, my paint
now the turpentine, the bleach that washes it all away
I've stayed up looking for you,
tossing and turning in my thoughts
my creativity is a long lost friend,
a battle I've always fought.

If I become a widow long before my death,
I'll be in Colorado where the mountains will catch my breath

If I become a widow long before my time to go,
I do not want my grandchildren to miss me,
I'll be in a cabin next to glistening snow

If I become a widow and begin to cry,
I do not want my children to worry
because I still have a strong heart beating inside

I'll escape to the mountains in a cabin on the hills
where I'll sip warm tea to brush away the chills
I'll watch sunrises over the mountains as I think of my love
until I'm no longer a widow
and with him above

I do not understand the reason,
you came into my life with its changing seasons
Twisting and conforming,
you are my love in a past life
Yet this is the life I'm living,
and I am in love with him
Yet your presence is that of a light bulb in a world growing dim
I like to imagine we once lived
in a small flat in Ireland
Your golf hat remained on the top of your head
and we were married, hand in hand
Two souls reunited,
but now strictly apart
I'd like to say we're still the same
in the Ireland of our hearts
Ben Howard is playing in the distance,
do you remember when you showed me his songs?
Two souls distanced,
an instinct that tells me I'm wrong.

Can you tame a lion
After he's tasted blood?
Can you offer love to a man,
Who's tired of feeling feelings and has had enough?
Some days I wonder when you'll raise your voice to admit
That you love me, my dear,
And reinforce it with a kiss

Deleting old pictures,
Scraping the bones
From memories that sting
When we were happy and didn't know
That your feelings would change
Like a switch to a light
Like the seasons, or seconds
Like day to night
And I wanted to hold on,
but I knew it when you chose flight

Now I'm looking at my walls
Deciding what to do next
How can I move on, when you were the best?
Your mind always wooed me, despite your chaotic and dark eyes
You were Hades to my Persephone
But you won't be back this winter's time

Now 'Motion sickness' by Phoebe Bridgers
Is playing on repeat
The lyrics are heaven
When my heart is taking Hell's heat
I'm healing from this whiplash,
What the hell happened?
It was a waiting car wreck
And I carelessly kept my seatbelt unfastened

But Phoebe is keeping me company
And her music is like a drug
Distracting me from my enemies
And keeping my heart numb

I just thought you were the one.

Two crossed paths,
one is covered in snow
The snow runs two feet deep
The other path is grassy, almost like Spring,
green and covered in leaves
If I take the path, covered in snow...
it'll only melt to the dirt
The dirt will nurture its new growth
and flowers will rise from the earth
If I take the path that is already flowered,
one day winter will come; and death, the lilies will meet
Two crossed paths under the branches,
tell me if my heart is complete

I hold the mouth of a lion,
Unafraid of his teeth..
When he whimpers back into submission,
I will be his queen
Spring has sprung and flowers bloom,
The year's little infinity has begun,
When summer memories permanently mark our hearts..
Under the warmth of the sun
And the lion's mouth I will still pry open,
As I learn about who I am,
Aye, maybe the sun is a lion,
His Rays, his golden mane,
And I am just his lamb.

Here I stand,
A jester of different kingdoms
I'll be best to cut off my own ears,
and seek my own wisdom
He tells me the past is the past,
there's no looking back
But what I feel is much different,
Maybe I'd be best to pack
Yet, leaving for the unknown,
would promise me certain exile
Exile from my family,
but would it be worth the while?
To seek the new king of my life,
but of the kingdom I once called home
Here I stand, should I walk on?
Can I juggle the unknown?
I see my king cry as I leave these castle steps..
oh, how he changed the laws for me!
Can I cut of my own ears? My hands? My tongue?
My heart is juggled by a guillotine

Table-side puddles;
that fell from my eyes,
are smearing the the ink on my papers
Coffee mug, too big to hide
has become my best friend these
last few nights
And so I drift between what's real,
and this dreamy state of time
Coffee mug, ink, papers, and tears
Keep my dreams alive

Daniel,
Our love is over
But Daniel,
Our love has never died
Is it possible to **** something
That has never lived inside?
You adore the steel of an engine's body
And I adore the steel of one's veins
We have our differences,
Too many to fix
And so I never bothered to complain
But that silence grew and grew inside me
Until honesty opened wide
You've helped me learn more about myself
And who I am inside
So I've grown to be expressive
And crave-full of a certain type
For two years I've owed my heart to you
Two years, of wasted time.

I'm applying foundation on my face
though my skin isn't a house it puts everything in its place
Now I'm applying eyeliner to my eyes
'cause hiding the fear isn't easy without these bold black lines
And they break and they drain down my cheek with each tear
so much for those hidden fears

Blush can't hide my un-liveliness,
Gloss alone won't give me that fatal kiss
The one that's toxic, it's toxic to a blow
but at least my lips will have a gentle glow

And I pull, and I pluck the hairs
And I apply, and I powder the tears
And I tweeze, so I can please
And I apply. And I apply.

It's just a little makeup, she said.
A little touch up never hurt anyone, did it?

You hide my face, you hide my face.
But I'm a prisoner behind this mask,
and that's all it really takes.

Now I'm applying eyeliner to my eyes..
cause I can't go on throughout my day without these bold black lines.

Are we birds in cages,
Waiting to be set free?
Or are we the door and lock?
Maybe we're the key?
We're either the person that sits and waits;
Full of beauty- so full of grace
Or we are the type that only sees the door, sees the cage and is eager for something more
Some people are the key, they know their worth-what's being locked away;
but don't understand the word "free"
Bird cages and birds,
Locks and keys
Be a bird
When the world is no longer free

We clip a bird's wings so it won't fly away,
A sin we commit because we care
But if people were like parrots and we clipped the wings of our lovers,
Then can we agree that love was never there?

I'd be a big liar if I were to write a happy poem today,
as if my problems were all washed away
But I guess we all have problems, ado,
so let's sew the fine lines together;
of me and you
Tell me your issues,
mine could be worse
Tomorrow they could take me away in a hearse
but let's not get excited,
life is a blessing in a curse
so write a happy poem and bury your past
Smile when you can and make the good times last

Finances, bills, and blood to pay,
Only for the hope of resting one day
But when the day comes, and my heart no longer beats a sound,
Can I say my life was worth the journey, from birth to being underground?
Work extra shifts, sweat one more drop from your forehead,
Enjoy the thrill of the hustle before you're dead.

He was the Michelangelo
to her plain cathedral walls
He was the stain glass lighting
Her dark and somber halls
Painted hands reach for the heavens
Like he reaches for her veins
His delicate nature to her cherry windowpanes
The smell of sage and myrrh  
Became the perfume on her skin
He was her Michelangelo
And he had yet to begin

I'm a terrible person
For letting you follow me
I'm a terrible person
And you still have yet to see
My mind swims in cycles
Seasons always change
And when the summer comes
My heart won't be the same

I'm going to be an animal of the night
Who releases her mind; with drink
I'm going to release my most uptight battles
By relieving my needs inbetween stranger's sheets
And by fall, come more change,
I will be changed, too.

My skin is white, like porcelain,
soft and fragile to the touch
A blank canvas, so clean and innocent
one would think such beauty is enough
But when I listen to the most inspiring music
I hear piano and the lyrics, the words become my skin
And so I look to my body,
thinking of where I can begin
May my body become the book of a Poet
as I listen to the words as they become inked on my skin
Such beauty is sacrificed for another beauty;
Beautiful words instead of smooth porcelain
And although you may never know it,
I embrace my new skin-bound talisman
Every cursive line
will follow me to my death
Every lyric
will never fail to steal my breath
May the music become my skin; may music become my skin

I am an artistic soul
My eyes feed on color and line
My heart often does carry the heavy weight,
But demands so little time
For each second that I spend with you, time stands still and I lock the moving minutes in place
Only then can I paint on a canvas,
Only then can I remember the flame
My eyes feed on the colors of spring
My eyes feed on the shaded contrasts and rich hues
However, the magnificent sights that life has given me
Will never feed my hunger with the presence of you
I would trade the romantic aroma of roses,
For a mere breezed hint of your skin
I would trade the bright reds and oranges of a sunset,
For a glance at the dimples on your chin
I'd turn away ever so quickly,
From the beauty of the sun's trickling light; as its morning rays peek through tree branches
If it instead would show me the shine in your eyes
I am an artist
My eyes play the music of a muse;
when color and line are the strings to my golden harp
But I would trade my eyesight for blindness
If it would win your heart

At first it seems like you're almost there..
the place or goal you've worked ******* all year
Then you trip or stumble on something so minuscule
Like one less dollar on your paycheck or something more critical
"If I had only done this.." You mumble in your breath
You blame yourself for your own dream's death
You dig and you dig until you're across the seas
Seems like the hole you're in is just plain too deep
No matter how many times you get told to "take baby steps"
Some days... You don't give a **** about yourself or the rest.
Dig and dig more until you almost see Hell's fire,
you're digging without trying, this was never your desire
At this moment, pretty much, you're just sinking in...
and this is when you question,
"Which wolf in me will win?"

I ask you to send me a song,
Like you did two years ago
The lyrics that once flattered me
Now pumps my heartbeat slow
You tell me you do not understand,
"How can I send you a song?" You ask,
I guess you do not seem to remember
How you impressed me in the past
Sure, spend and buy me a new bow,
I'm grateful but money cannot buy my love
My love, I feel it deepening in my chest,
This black and empty hole.

My mind is stuck in this middle ground
it's stuck in a fragment of wasted time
Digestible, but still too big for this tiny heart of mine
They tell me I've got a big heart, bright and warm it is..
but my secret life is my private life and it's not for the public
because I...
never know when I'll do something stupid
I never know when I'll change my mind
if happiness is worth all this confusion,
then I don't want him to be mine
if family is stronger than gold
if blood is always thicker than water
then I don't want to be my next victim,
I don't want to be Love's daughter

Yet I know I'm always going to want him
his style, his smile, it's worth every penny of throwing everything away
His soul and his mind make me crave everything
everything he has..
Yet here I am, just a caged bird,
I sing the only song that only my captor holds
He spoils me, with everything he has
except the rolling green hills and the blue skies that Juden has

And if all this confusion is worth all this pain,
I don't want to be blamed for being the cause of this game
I only want to hear Juden's laughter
even if it means I'm not Love's daughter

The begonias in my garden are blooming and my roses are doing alright
I know I should be tending to them but you keep coming across my mind
I know you have to leave town soon
But do you think you have some time?

I know you're drinking your coffee and combing back your hair
But all I want to ask you
is do you have a second to spare?
Because the flowers all whisper to me
"he loves you, he loves you not"
And I'll tell you that I love you, my dear,
Words I believe you forgot

If lions ever eat me,
Please do not weep
We are animals too,
And every beast must eat
If lions ever eat me,
Please do not fill with rage
Those that play with fire get burnt,
No different than locking yourself in a lion's cage
If a lion ever eats me,
Its okay to ponder
Just as long as you remember it's only a lion's nature
If lions ever eat me
It's okay to laugh
Their teeth ripping my flesh apart
Could never be as savage as a cold human heart

Little by little,
The trees begin to bud
They wake from their temporary sleep
The flowers are blooming their pretty pink petals
And my love,
is a love to keep

The lakes and ponds will fill with lily pads,
Croaking toads
And families of geese
The magnolia trees are perfumed by their sweet aroma,
And my love is a love to keep

Pluck, one by one- the petals off a daisy
Childish games;
does he love me or not?  
Blowing dandelions and making a wish in the breeze
My love is a love to keep

We are but in a fun house,
Paralleled and mirrored in time
With our fingers pressed against the glass,
We cautiously pace through the clicking rhymes
Our own reflections confuse us,
Disguising our true way
But if our only way out was through our words,
I'd still struggle to find what to say

Tranquility
Isn't free
Freedom of the mind
Can come at a heavy price
The swirls of distraction
are sending me down underwater rabbit holes
Like Van Gogh's
Starry Night

Slow down.

And I'm swimming with a tiger
The spirit of desire
and he wants to feast
But I've got my eyes on the shore
Someone come save me from this place
Before I learn to love his teeth's embrace
And crave more

I'm craving more.

Unconditional.
A word that liberates all
Let love BE that word

God has a sense of humor
He has a style of teaching us through little ways

It's my first spring in my apartment
A season I've looked forward for weeks
And I've been wishing for a bush of roses
To make rose water and teas
To pick fresh roses and put them in vases in my sun-filled room
It would lighten the dark, with a touch of pink,
And send away the gloom

But paychecks have been sufficient only for living
Not gardening beautiful flowers on a whim
And as I longed for a bush of bright pink roses
I received a gift from Him

Yesterday I went walking
And to my surprise found thorns and buds on the edge of my lawn
I found a bush of pink knockout roses
They have been there all along

Sometimes prayers are answered long before we pray for them

I miss the simplicity of reading notes
that would melt me into someone new
I miss our afternoon walks
I miss being next to you
In my mind we are cuddling,
I steal a kiss from your cheek
I run my fingers through your hair,
We nudge at each others' feet
In my mind we are kissing under purple candlelight,
In my mind,we are sighing from content and delight
In my mind there are scenarios,
much different than what there is now
I'm already next to you, you see,
but it's too late to show you how.

My curiosity is often mistaken for stupidity
My stupidity is often misplaced with biased thoughts
The biased thoughts shoved into our heads are often placed there by our religious fathers
Our religious fathers lack curiousity
And so the cycle continues.

"Clemit? Like a clementine? That's your middle name?"
....A small moment I'll never forget,
I fell in love that day

I've fallen in love many times,
And then a surplus amount
But each time I'd break or break the heart of another,
It'd leave my soul with doubt

Just when I started to believe that
No man would pour himself into me
And open his heart to a triumphant romance

You entered my life with gentle eyes and a yearning soul
That I swear, by God, was not just by chance

time to time it haunts me,
The memory of us in North Carolina
I remember it perfectly
His blue eyes staring into mine
His red hair contrasts against the white hotel walls
His naked back points to the ceiling
And I'm gasping for air from what we've done

I always remember this when "Fade Away" by Rebelution plays
I don't miss the heartache of wondering if you ever truly loved me
But this moment was perfect
And now is only a memory

What's wrong with a little prowess?
What's wrong with a little sass?
Most men seem to be afraid of a witty woman with the sharpness to talk back
You call us crazy when we shout
When our faces fill with heat
We only asked you a million times to clean your ***** off of the toilet seat
Or to wash your hands after sneezing into them- no, I don't want to be touched!
Stop scratching your ***** in front of me!
Man! I've had enough
What's wrong with having prowess?
What's wrong with having sass?
Ladies, we've had enough and
I think it's time to fight back.

No, you won't take our rights
While we're scrubbing sinks
Covered in your beard hairs
Pick up a book and do some research
If there's even a brain in there

What's wrong with a little prowess?
What's wrong with a little sass?
Mama always taught me not to settle
And I think it's time to fight back

Don't tell me to just listen
when I've already listened enough
Don't tell me to just smile
when I'm already acting tough
Don't tell me to stop crying
and to rub the tears away
Don't tell me that it'll be alright
just to deal with my emotions for one less day
I didn't tell you just to listen,
when you were sad and spoke your mind
When words were pouring out of your mouth
I opened my ears and my eyes
Listening and speaking; it is a bittersweet gold
Our mind only lets us speak what others' hearts can only hold.

Words are brushstrokes,
And our thoughts become paintings,
Yet people walk this earth,
Arrogantly complaining

They say we have but only three loves who come into our story
I have had more loves than three
And this is what they taught me

My first love taught me how to leave
Even when it didn't feel right
When feelings made you strangers by day
But knew each others hearts and bodies at night
My second love taught me compassion while his heart hosted none, a genius in all he did but all humanity gone
My third love taught me about deception
And that sometimes upgrades aren't true
When you thought you hit the lottery but they can't seem to respect you
My forth love taught me what I want
In a world so blinded by molded things
I canceled my own wedding and I gave him back the ring
My fifth love taught me sobriety even when I didn't drink
That sometimes we get drunk on lust
And we need to evaluate the things we think
My sixth love taught me how to parent a little girl that wasn't mine
It broke my heart when he walked away, though our friendship is still alive

And now it is my seventh love,
A lucky number to some
He's shared with me his beautiful mind and
Only sweet words roll off his tongue
My seventh love taught me that strength exists in meekness
His soul is gentle, nurturing, and kind
Not to be mistaken for weakness
His love is strong and tenacious as a lion's heart
My seventh love just might be the One
May God forbid us from breaking apart

He knows it when I'm tired,
he never bothers to ask
I always lay my head in the crease of his chest,
and I fall asleep fast
His fingers swipe my hair away from my face,
while my eyes remain closed..I drift away to a dreaming state
I hear his voice, playful whispering in my ear...
I speak up, sleepy, "What did you say, dear?",
No.
Wake up!
The TV is still on, the clock ticks midnight....
but his arms...where did they go?
Look at the picture frame on the wall,
see his face with the words "In Loving Memory...",

...."I have to let you go."