i long for a love that i cannot reach and cannot hold
it is a love so far away from tangibility and from the dreams that keep me awake (yet asleep) at night
it binds me to nothing because nothing is all i can obtain
yet nothing is everything that means something to me:
nothing is everything that i cannot grasp within the tiny hands that have carved these thoughts for a lifetime
because the possibility of our love is as slim as a starving human
and as unfathomable as the thousands of stars that overwhelm me as i gaze up at them
what we have is truly inorganic, lifeless, tired to the bone
it is sterile and unfertilised, impossible to merely thrive or bloom,
burdensome like the words that have made me who i am today
and stagnant like the brain of a dead man rotting

in other words,
our love is and will never be a reality
because you are a masterpiece
and i'm a disaster


**(( still i long ))

No, I am not fighting back any remorse
It's my soul he needs to hunt
before I collapse on the floor

She is not damaged
just a little hurt
I could live with her on any planet
or under a curse.

I can send him on a quest
to unravel my soul.
For years, I can watch his green eyes
turn to gold.
I don't sense anything sinister
Maybe for once, I can unsheathe myself
to this patient listener

Stars are strung through my soul
as I try to keep myself in the corner of my eye.
This bus maybe going downtown
but I couldn't feel any closer to heaven

Look me in the eye, won't you?
Or just give me a faint smile
Let me discover all of you
even if it takes me a lifetime
In this bus, I see only the two of us
Inch your hand closer to mine
I promise I am not a Succubus
Let me take off this veil
from my heart.
Hold it. It was beating for you anyway
If you're my true love;
we shall never part
You're no angel yet I can see your halo.
We are not trapped in the dark.
Together,we can chase rainbows.

Now that we have our hands intertwined
could the same be done for our hearts?
Believe me, it won't disturb the Ma'at.
Just two hearts beating together
connected by the truth's feather
just stay there, let green meld into brown
let me turn that frown upside down

I wait for when a second outweighs the day,
so that we'll have the wishes we hoped we may
Like dancing in the rain with fiery hearts
that connect be put out,or torn apart
An unbridled joy that forever interlocks
the fibres of our souls, as we forget of clocks.

silence*






Need I say more?

I feel empty inside today
but this is just another day.
yesterday was horrible but
I did lived to see this day.

Tomorrow should be filled
with joy, hope and dreams
but it's still just another day
for me to live one more day.

I accepted yesterday because
I made it through that day.
even though I'm in pain today
I look forward to a better day.

There is no reason for me to
keep thinking about yesterday.
When God is blessing me to live
this day to see a brand new day.

Midwinter approaches.
You'd barely know it.
Galloway's soft murky skies,
Low clouds born of mudflat and peat,
don't waken the sparkling frost in me

A sudden unexpected pang
for the cut-glass winters of Aberdeen,
skies as clear as no sky at all
and the Dee all poised and crystal
descends upon me in the thick southwest smir

And I long to crunch along the riverbank
with my brother in the frost,
laughter-born clouds
dissipating in the hawthorn branches,
blackbirds startling
in the ice-bound undergrowth -
deep pink sun bursting and bleeding
across the wide blue horizon.

I could return -
follow the waxwings
reclaim my winter home
but I won't -
instead,
I'll cast a glance
of sparkling northern granite
across the fields and mulch,
see if I can clear these skies
and freeze this other Dee

And build myself a fresh white landscape
as crisp
and clear
as memory.

Baby, no cancer’s
getting the best of you. We’ll
beat it together.