i have not spoken to anybody this weekend
this laptop is breaking
today i have taken 4 diet pills and 3 melatonin pills
im focusing on falling asleep at 6pm

theres a scratch on my arm that i dont remember
i hate telling my mom that im not eating dinner
then she knows i ****** up too

today i have cried in 4 different locations
today i changed my desktop background to the color pink
somehow my cold is coming back

i’m waiting for something, i think
this is just in between time
there is a lot of in between time

we speak in contrasting colors
(colors like red and blue and sometimes pink)
i am focusing on becoming a light shade of blue

my stomach heavy with the color red,
i don’t think you hear me when i say i’m lonely
we're only suffocating in this closet
but i guess we're doing it together

i can always leave

why can't i become smaller than this
why can't i become so small that i can hide somewhere forever

i don't know where you are
but i'm hugging you in blanket form

i wish i could play with your hair

in dim lighting we’ll smell coffee and with blurry vision everything resembles the way things look through a kaleidoscope-
light shades of purple and blue
the dream is this
we don’t feel lonely like this
i’m hugging this blanket too tightly

oh wow, i luv u
normally i’d be eating pizza but i luv u
i luv u too much to eat food
but i dont luv u enough to not think about the food
(which makes me sad)
i luv u so much that i wish i looked like u
because i luv ur looks more than my looks
yesterday my mom bought a lazer pointer for my cat to play with
this morning i used tht lazer pointer
and the cat went wild n chased it up the stairs
the cat is me and the lazer is u
<3
nice

in 5 out of six classes i almost cried
i dont know why
i fell asleep next to this computer and banged my head on it 7 times during the night
sometimes i become self aware and become as small as possible
today i made a smoothie
and felt unhappy with my body
i want to leave the internet for a long time
and wear a hat at every moment of every day
i really hate food most of the time
im going to bake a cake
no actually thats a terrible ******* idea
okay
whatever
today on the 40 minute bus ride to school i was daydreaming about throwing up blood endlessly
i get a lot of comfort from standing near someone
i do not know how to explain it
there are so many people i appreciate and i dont know how to tell them

you make me feel weird, like,
really positive but also super anxious and kind of depressed.
its nice.
today that emotion made me wake up while hugging a blanket
and i thought,
"i’m hugging this blanket really tight.
it’s nice”
today that emotion made me upset i was not still hugging that blanket throughout the day.
except i never got that emotion out no matter how much water i drank or how much food i didn’t eat.
you tried pulling this away from me but really i asked for it