Took one step into his lonesome world.

The clouds there were peculiarly pixelated in a forgettable shade of #999999
Digitally coded water vapor condensing into dense bubbles of thought
They resembled puzzle pieces childishly misplaced
Naivety was finger-painted along the lining and edges
While other bits played a quiet game that seemed to find them wanting

I did wonder where he hid them
Or if it was someone else who ran away
Who stole the stars in his sky?
Who stole the light in his pocket?

Took another step into his lonesome world.

The wind there had a dance of it's own that seemed to trace a pattern
Oscillating at a rate of 15Hz was a low frequency partner-less sway
Similar to eyelids confused and batting their lashes
Or wiper blades clearing tears off cars during a storm
Occurring without much thought was the drizzle with each wave

I did wonder why he danced alone
Or was it someone else who simply walked off
Who turned his sky on?
Who turned his lights off?

Took a breath standing in the center of his lonesome world.

I looked up and to my surprise found the eye of his mind
Staring back at me from those ***** clouds
It was the reason to all being and the wind was it's doing
Rising high up from an endless undisturbed nap

It was;

Brighter than the Sun itself
  Bursting citrus with each blink
Bleeding pulp over my skin
  Burning like acid on my own wounds
Delightful heat dripping off my tongue
   Psychedelic spirals twisting my limbs

    And
       i danced and spun
    And
       i lost and won

Please find me somewhere in those broken memories of yours

i have to search my heart time and time again
for the love i once had for you

amidst the constant drowning of fear, hatred, and deafening words
the silence of life swallows every ounce of love i could conjure

i dig deeper until my hands are numb
thinking that if i found a piece of the memories that were
joyous, patient, and true
that maybe it will bring me back to you

the you i once loved
but searching for that now
i can see no more
the empty canvas where love should be painted
leaves me nothing anymore

4am. Late night 7eleven run. Hat, coat, scarf, out the door. As soon as I exit the building the cold invigorates me, I sip on the night air and breath out the steam of life. I walk slow and steady despite the drink in me, mastered my balance long ago. No one and nothing is awake but me and the stars. And I relish in the world's absence. As I walk, the street lights reveal it's snowing, little gingerly particles flutter toward me like a dusty lamp shade when disturbed. Memories flood back to me, times when I was in  love and every snowflake that dropped before me seemed to bring life anew. I stare longingly at the sky with an appreciation that could never be described with mortal words. Only that fleeting gaze that stays with you forever if it is set upon you, etching itself in your heart.

Then I walked home…Back to earth.

i fell in love once
and my love was the ocean
deep and dark and unexplored
a mystery wrapped in seaweed
and colored with the shades
that nebula and dying stars
reserve for their coldest parts
it was an easy fall
like laying down after a long day
of holding up the universe
with only your pinky finger and
a stack of phone books
or like sinking into the water
not drowning
but hovering
just beneath the surface
air is just an inch away
and you are surrounded by warmth
by cold
by water
my love was so beautiful
their voice was a dying star
an explosion as life is melted into light
the noise of it absorbed by void
and absence
and nothing
their body was the oldest tree in the oldest forest
tall and wide and strong
and dying
but still beautiful
still green and lush where the branches were resisting
still brushing leaves across the sky like caressing the clouds
still humming the noises of a settling life
and since this act of falling in love
i have found that the easiest love to fall into
isn't romantic at all

I.
when i look at you,
i feel a mixed reaction
as emotions collide
inside this feeble cavity we call
a chest. in general,
there are three things -
the three, most important things -
that cross my mind.

II.
butterflies. my stomach drops,
on its own personal roller coaster,
engineered by your smile.
another part of it drops because we
dance around each other, on tiptoes,
sometimes painfully. other times, we are
one, and in sync. and occasionally
we are both lost in separate worlds,
lost in thoughts and dreams.
i don't believe in prayer, but maybe
you could pray for me.

III.
desolation. loss and grief course
through tired, worn veins. already, you're
intangible. sitting right beside me,
i'm hindered by the space between us, the span of
space and infinity and this parallel universe we're
trapped inside. with time passing at snail's speed and
slipping away at jet speed, i can't
hold on. you're still here, still a concrete noun,
but you feel like an abstract dream, a haunting
memory. if you look out the window someday,
and you catch sight of the moon,
i hope it reminds you of me.

IV.
greed and begging and hope. all of it, every feeling,
encased in my thinly veiled heart. the strongest of
fortifications can't suppress my petty,
jealous words and my leveling glare. these feelings,
though unwarranted, are mine. you should be mine.
i wish my fate line crossed yours, but i'm starting to see,
trying to convince myself,
that we aren't meant and these worlds don't match. i can almost
believe it, and deep down i know it's true. i know that we can't
exist, not based on likes and dislikes when what we want,
where we want to go,
are so diverse and specific that it
(we) would never work.

V.
still, the overwhelming feeling
that sparks my reactors
is that gnawing, pleading one.
the one that i have to choke down
in an effort to make things semi-okay.
the one where i tell you everything,
and apologize, and explain my reasons
for it all. the one where i tell you i miss you,
where i tell you i will miss you,
where i say i can't imagine life without you.
the one where i confess this pathetic,
undying devotion,
even when i know this is the last
time i'll ever see you
again.

VI.
you won't ever pray for me,
or think of me when your vision
latches on to the moon. we won't ever speak
again, because that isn't how it is,
not with us.
i miss you.
don't leave.
don't go.
stay.

VII.
please, i'm begging you,
get out.
be everything you want.
do everything you need to.
and above all,
be the superstar,
the exploding supernova,
the entire galaxy
that you are.

You and I were a metaphor,
Bare feet in a morning meadow.
It sounded beautiful,
But we both left punctured and hurting,
Wondering why we thought
It would work so well.