Miss Ana

Miss Ana Jun 2017

1: "I'm sad."
2: "Well,why?"
1: "I'm not sure."
2: "Can I help?"
1: "You can listen."
2: "How do I fix it?"
1: "You can't."

2: "I'm sad."
1: " Well, why?"
2: "I can't fix it."
1: Can I help?"
2: "You can listen."
1: " I think I can fix it."
2: "You can?"

1: "I'm fine.

"I gave all my oxygen to people that could breathe"
Sometimes it is better to listen, than to act.

#anxiety

Miss Ana May 2017

To My Daughter

I hope you never see the things I've seen
And I hope you never do what I've done
I hope you never felt what I felt
And I hope you never fall like I have
I hope you never see someone get hurt
And I hope no one ever hurts you
I hope you don't get scared
And if you do, you come to me
I hope that if you comply with any of these requests
And you aren't truly happy
I hope you break each one
And find what all they can bring.

" My mamma said there will be days like this, there will be days like this my mamma said"

Miss Ana May 2017

the five senses lauren lost.

oh god
didn't you see?
she traded smiles for stares.
didn't you hear?
she traded laughing for heavy sighs and a wounded expression
didn't you smell?
she traded sweaty sports for 3 showers a day.
didn't you feel?
she traded hugs for nervous jumps and apologetic giggles.
didn't you taste?
her lips, they said no.
she traded everything to get back what was stolen.

when I was in high school a girl I knew (not well) was ***** at a party. no one said anything, she never admitted to it, and when asked she said it was consensual, but she changed. i hardly talked to her, but i think about lauren almost everyday. its been 5 years.

#consent

Miss Ana Apr 2017

I'm sorry

everyday
I reflect on what I
could have said
could have done
could have used
and everyday
I realize that I will never stop learning
and I will never get it right
but the beautiful thing about that is
its ok.

Yelling at people in public and other things I regret.

#imsorry

Miss Ana Mar 2017

Drunk

sleepy
sad
and sticky hands
oh yeah
smelling of burning
hot
warm
heady air in the
moonlight
dark night
heavy body
falling
catching
dizzy
happy
smart
stupid
aware of the fact that I must ***
stumbling down
giggle at the less serious
and sneers at the men
following
tripping
more and
sometimes water if someone is helping out
hugging
*******
goodnight
good night.

Good nights in a feeling

#drunk

Miss Ana Feb 2017

But why are you still here?

and in the dark
he felt me
and i felt him
it was breathtaking
he held me
i floated away
he kissed me and i was gone

i was drunk but sober in his eyes
i had fallen into his arms-steady
oh, there was a smell
of bad choices left behind
he touched me and i crumbled
he loved me and I cried

I said too much and he gave it little notice
i came so quickly and left even faster
i tried to scare him but further he crawled
i told him the truth and he turned them into fiction
i gave him my hand and he asked me to marry him

Miss Ana Jan 2017

Oceans of my day

I take it in waves
the heart-pounding
the ear-ringing
calorie-counting
run-tracking
grade-tracking

I take it in waves
Am I social enough?
watch too much tv?
not enough?
care too much?
care too little?
pray enough?
drink enough?
have enough ***?
too much ***?
with the right people enough?
are these the wrong people?

I take it in waves
no one cares
no one notices
dont make this my issue
dont make this anyone else's issue
do I have a thing?
do I need a thing?
will I be a good teacher?
will I be a good mother?

I take it in waves
Die
it will be easy
just cut your wrists
you know where to get the pills
the drugs
the needles
drive off a bridge
jump off a bridge
they are well adjusted people
they wont miss you
they dont need you
you dont need you

I take it in waves
I deserve this
I need this
happy is a good feeling
you are strong
you are smart
you are right
people do like you
God loves you
he loves you
they love you
they need you
you need you
dont give up
dont cop out
dont die
live

The constant noise sounds something like this.

#depression #anxiety #liveanohterday