Pause
again, i need to remind myself
to pause
Control- i have none.

Pause
to sit with the idea of no control
living off my rented apartment and
breaking bread in a village
outside Paris
writing to you by day and
******* you by night
learning another language and bastardizing it to perfection
giving you my ****** as readily,
as easily as i am taking yours
knowing my life not to be here.

Pause
for when i return
no one will seem to remember or caring to recall
that i am no longer there at all
i dont exist
if i don't exist

Pause
nothing to control me
more magical, nothing to control
propelled by fear of nothing at all

Pause

You know how your follicles open and your heart tightens.
The way your ***** creep upward when you gift her something thoughtful.
Things.

That's how I feel when I make you *** 5 times in one day.
That's my thoughtful gift.
Feelings.
Physical and intrinsic.

You know how important you feel when she buys you 4 bean bags which look good only next to her insular lava lamps.
Kingly.

And I. I am only most important when you leave me your words to immerse myself in.
I am chosen then abandoned for her throne.

Think about that and ask me why I can't work with you if I can't have your words inside of me if only to crown you King.
******* it sir.