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It’s never easy for me
To live in the moment
When I foolishly push forward
To say I endured and lived certain moments.
That’s not what history is about,
That’s not what life’s about.
Yes, the more focus poured into the present
Can make the present feel longer,
Like waiting-in-line longer,
But waiting surrounds every breath
Of life. There’s no escaping that,
Whether it’s waiting at the DMV or waiting, literally in this case,
One second.
After all, does not the body wait
To finally be at rest,
Each day drawing the body closer to its rest?
I have waited for exciting mail to be delivered before,
Whether arriving to others as gifts or to me miscellaneously.
Trust is the key, trusting that the many processes
Will accomplish the goal.
So, what about now?
Please hold while your life is being planned for the next day.
"The blessedness of waiting is lost on those who cannot wait..."    ~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Not everyone can be an “every-one”
But I am one who wants to dip my hands
In many fields of life
So as to be an omni-aid “when duty calls.”
Of course, I don’t always know what I get myself into,
And may not consider that I could regret doing too much
Or find myself doing what I don’t want to do.
Generally, if I could, I would monetarily give
To every figure standing vertically still along main areas of traffic
Who always appear to be seeking some kind of recognition.
Not that I stare, but when my pockets lack coins or bills,
I can only offer a silent word behind the steering wheel
For the ones standing in search of hope car-by-car.
I love to write, so why not write to a soldier or someone who could use a note?
Because, alas, rules and regulations for companies intimidate my passion
To do good yet follow procedures.
With my loves for drawing, writing, cleaning, fixing, puzzles,
I know there’s a lot I can contribute,
Not speaking haughtily but in respectful confidence,
But it also can come down to who would be receptively interested,
How often I could commit,
And am I giving more than I’m being given?
If I can give until I cannot give anymore,
As wearing as this may sound in words,
What else would I need?
On Valentines Day
I don't belong
The love I've had has come and gone

No roses now delighting me

No heart shaped box of sweets
To bring me joy, it seems

But memories beside me sleep
To waken only in my dreams
Still Happy on Valentines Day because of CHOCOLATE!
I keep a private Scrapbook
You won't see on my shelf;
Stuffed with trivia from my life,
Known to no one but myself.

It's filled with words and actions,
Lies, cheats and thefts;
Nothing really serious,
But enough that I won't share.

Deeds I'm not proud of,
Words uttered to hurt;
Clippings from a checkered past
Sealed safely in my book.

There's some who'd like to read it,
Expose me for what it's worth;
They should proceed with caution,
They have their own Scrapbook.
?????????

Time is not flying
the evening hours are so slow, inching by
and spent tossing and turning
my restless mind roams dark avenues
my restless feet roam the bed,
left...right...then back, over and over.
the bed, that was my hammock....no longer sways
a promise of peaceful slumber, flies away,
???????
new and strange images
start to trail me...they're heavy tassels,
tagging on the  hemlines of my mind,
seeking to connect...to be known
???????
this late hour, i recall
a forked road, not far from a winding road,
from afar, a child admires a white castle
high as the clouds, its windows, foggy,
its high fence, mossy...on its front lawn
is a treehouse, perched...resting like a bird
inside a very old tree, leaning to its left side,
with a long set of steps...all painted white.
just below the white steps are gathered,
doyens of poetry...seated in their own chosen
corners...tacit, yet, empowered by their brilliant minds
the tips of their feathered pens, smoothly sliding on
paper......strange, that they're waving at me,
why, they could be dead!
???????
i must be dreaming...my muse is showing
me paths, i would think twice of treading
???????
a quartered moon selfishly glows
unsettles even more, my murky thoughts...
yet....my pressing thumb is on my journals
i must heed.........the need.
???????
"o' my elusive unknown poem,
kindly show me...lead me to your home
let my pen give light to your dim path
give second wind to my weary mind and heart,
deny, even a bit of a space......for wrath,

help me, push me...my efforts musn't cease
show me your face...we'll both have peace."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~
~
Sally  

© Rosalia Rosario A. Bayan
April 21, 2018
...started with a dream.....then scribbled...and scribbled...
I don't know if there is any sense in all these...pardon me, guys...
Cryptograms:
Secret messages waiting to be revealed
A symbol shields the letter in hiding.
Gee, a hint would sure sound nice,
But cryptographers aren’t always that merciful.
There are times where I am left
To guess, err, and scribble down
The correct corresponding equivalency,
Z=A, for instance,
Until I arrive at the satisfactory accomplishment
Of a puzzle solved and a stronger knowledge of code.

Jumbles:
Another newspaper favorite,
Words appear as sloppy anagrams,
Which requires much staring and mental shifting
Of letters until a rearranged combination of letters
Produces an existent word approved by Oxford or Webster.
Within each blank printed box is a certain number of circles,
The puzzler, guessing the words from each row of nonsensical anagrams,
Gathers the letters in the circumscribed spaces
Only to do more mental or written unscrambling
As no answer exists without persistence and resilience.

Crosswords:
My “worst nightmare” in the world of puzzles,
The only enigmas where I have to leave enigmas be
Because I always fall behind in experience and knowledge
To have any clue of what the hints mean,
For some hints are implicit cryptograms,
The solver needs to consider each word of the hint closely
To understand the pun, the sarcasm, wrapped up in the obvious literalism.
Some days I come close
To filling in all up-words and down-words,
But realize that I am never quite right, even in my most confident state.

Is a puzzle ever truly solved?
I don’t know! Figure it out yourself!
When I stated in my bio that I love puzzles I wasn't joking lol.
I ***** down my drive way
My two shoes clomping along the gravel;
Shouldering myself to the right I walk
As though time were not a factor.

I stroll straight ahead momentarily
Sandwiched along the street with houses, cars,
And the sky above my head, like a hat
That doesn’t itch.

When I am not bothered by the muscle it takes to walk
And as I gaze at the natural scenery above me
And the homes beside me
As if I were peering out the window inside a moving car
I am faster than time.

Remaining on the road’s left
My feet angle left, and I enter a circular path of gravel.

I take my time, I think throughout
Bowing down, and looking up
Wrinkling my face towards the clouds
Sighing breaths not of boredom, but of struggle
For confidence on my path.

I could circle around the scrunched circular path forever,
But dogs bark,
And since I have no one to tell me to stop,
I felt that’s my cue to leave.
As evergreens line my procession out,
I pass from life before
To life ahead.
I received inspiration for this poem from going to a meditation session,
and I had the opportunity to walk meditatively along a labyrinth mat laid out across the room's floor!
 Apr 2018 Mike Hauser
Max
You think that it
Is not okay
To be even
Semi gay
But I want you to look
In that thick *** book
Because your behavior
Haveth me shook
God says he loves all
His love will not fall
So get your nose out your ***
And give him a call
I promise he will say
I still love you though your gay
Just do me a solid
And try to change your ways

I’m still gay. That won’t change
But that doesn’t mean
It’s not okay
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