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I am not going to tell you the name of the movie but 1983 I thought my mom was asleep and she thought I and our closeness got near enough to be seen watching the wrong ****** put a lookalike in the right life anyway the past like your body is always new and before the eclipse I pressed a bottlecap into your thigh

you will never
know
what this
is about
but sing
**** all
to your double

What if I am close to knowing
why
I have brothers

Life is the line drawn between death and death

Once I’ve seen your body I look at your body
 Apr 6 Renee C
Strawblee
Do you remember yesterday ?
Your silver chain caught the city lights-----
Glowing like it belonged to stars.

WE didn't talk
But our EYES did!
loud.soft.
Everything we were too scared to say
hung between us
like the moon.
...
 Apr 6 Renee C
Strawblee
I wear glitter like armor,
Numb in neon, lost in lipstick dreams.
My smile is a mirrorball,
The night loves me louder than people do,
so i drown in strobe light and soft lies.
Chasing highs that feel like
Home.
sorry i disappeared and kept myself watchin euphoria, dreamy vibes!
I have been breaking bad right now,
Bend it over on me, for me.
Lean over, closer—
Your lips tasted like champagne.

Got a fever for this feeling I need to savor,
Salty whitish fluids keep wanting me more.
Dreams of getting intoxicated in the haze,
Feeling too anxious to pop pills, Getting lazy over ecstasy.

Mind flying in the daylight,
***** up my emotions.
***** and whisky over this ******-up life
Smoke ****, inhales pulverized ******* after s*x
Overdosed love, you say, but

If this poem is a free verse,
Can I have my life back without being under the influence?
I just wanna start over, start a new life.

Midnight hits different, when hitting you from behind.
Scream for me, will you?
No matter what pain it is,
It pleasures me within.

I just wanna overdose in pleasure and lust,
Not in some kind of drugs
Not in some kind of intoxicated smokes
I just wanna be drunk in love, not in alcoholic drinks.

When pain is traded for pleasure,
Just know that I will always be here for you.
I believe what we had is real, I know it
When pain already weighs pleasure now,
I beg you—don't stop, continue until you pass out
 Apr 6 Renee C
Kai
My eyes
Used to run exactly like a faucet would
Crying because of every bruise
Head damage
People hitting my head
And calling it a day
Daily
I would trip
Fall
And land on my head
Push
Shove
And land on my head

Every Amber alert I would hear
Would make me cry
Turning on the dials
And tears would be pouring out of my eyes
Because I thought
I would be the next victim
To be kidnapped
Scared to leave the house
Scared to leave my mother

I thought the same about thunderstorms
How the lightning
It would possibly catch the house on fire
When I was sleeping
Or electrocute me when I'm touching a window

Seems to say
Times have changed
Years have gone on
I'm still the same faucet
But now just a ruined one

Drops of water
Leaving the faucet
On unprompted moments
And some
Wouldn't even come out
On the most tear-threatening
Situation
As if the faucet has the mind of its own

The faucet
Would turn on
By mere phantoms
Trying to take out the faucet
And warning to make it shatter

Faucet
Made of china-glass
The fragile glass
Was made to be broken one day
And be replaced by another
It's like- 11 pm on a school night and I'm tired. Goodnight.
 Apr 6 Renee C
Carla Marie
I don’t smell him
But he looks malodorous
As he…
Oblivious…
To the rest of us…
Sits here on the city bus
While I unsuccessfully
Try not to see
Him oh so enthusiastically
Pick at and between
His gnarly toes… and
As if this is apropos
He never says a mumbling word…
In London’s fog, so dimly lit,
Where gaslight shadows softly flit,
Albert Crowe, unseen, did tread
The backstage world where dreams are fed.
By day, a hand upon the stage,
By night, alone with silent rage,
Within his room, his heart’s lament
Beneath the guise of merriment.

A lonely soul in twilight’s gloom,
His life a cycle, toil his doom,
Yet spring brought change with sweet Eliza’s face,
A star whose light his dark would chase.
Her voice like bells, her smile bright,
That cut through shadows of the night,
But admiration soon would turn
To darker flames that fiercely burn.

His heart, once filled with gentle views,
Now tracked her steps, her smiles perused;
From fascination grew a need
That festered into darkened greed.
In corridors, he’d plan to meet,
With props misplaced, and whispers sweet,
Yet every smile she’d cast aside
Drove deeper still the thorns of pride.

When autumn’s chill brought spectral play,
He chose this scene to make her stay.
A dagger hidden, curtain’s call—
This hallowed eve would see it all.
In her chamber, quiet, dim,
He spoke of love, his voice so grim.
A blade, a ******, a scream did rise,
A final look in frightened eyes.

With horror, what his hands had wrought,
The chaos of a twisted thought.
He fled the scene, his soul unbound,
Her spectral screams the only sound.
By guilt and visions sorely pressed,
In nightly haunts, he found no rest.
Each day a play, each smile a mask,
In sorrow’s light, he’d daily bask.

One night, upon the stage, he stood,
Clad in the hero’s garb and hood.
The crowd, unaware of coming doom,
Watched silent in the gathering gloom.
He spoke, his voice a hollow shell,
Of love and loss, of heaven and hell:
“Behold a man, by darkness driven,
To seek his peace, to be forgiven.

“My heart was lost, my soul misled,
By dreams of love that now are dead.
For in my grasp, a deed so dire,
Has quenched the light of passion’s fire.
O Eliza, sweet and fair,
Your ghost now haunts my every prayer.
No longer can this heart be still,
Tonight, I end this tragic thrill.

“So listen now, as curtains close,
On final acts, on bitter woes.
With this blade that once did part,
The life and breath of my own heart,
I take my leave, my soul to free,
From chains of mortal agony.
May angels guide me where I roam,
And lead my spirit safely home.”

With that, he turned the blade to chest,
In death’s embrace, he sought his rest.
The curtain fell, the crowd in tears,
Reflecting on his haunted years.
Silence reigned, the theatre still,
A tale of woe, of mortal ill.
On vaudeville’s stage, a shadow cast,
A love, a life, a breath—his last.
You texted, “Let me know you got home safe,”
and I did.
Every time.
Even when the only thing I made it home from
was myself.
Even when “home” was just
the bathroom floor,
or a voice I borrowed to sound okay.

Even when I didn’t want to,
but thought maybe you’d notice
if I stopped.

You said, “You don’t have to tell me everything.”
So I didn’t.
But I left clues like codes in poems we both know you read
and buried my bruises under jokes you laughed at—
because it’s easier to be funny than fine.

When I listed you as my emergency contact,
I wasn’t being poetic—
I meant if I vanish,
you’d know where I haunt.
I meant if my throat closes,
you’d answer on the first ring
and not be drunk,
or walking through spring like it’s not violent,
or sleeping through the night like people who are safe do.
And if you were in bed with someone,
I still believe you’d get out for me.

And when you called me “dangerous,”
I almost said thank you.
Because isn’t that what a flare is?
Burning too loud to ignore?

I wanted to be yours.
Not your girl,
not your burden,
just yours—
like the worst idea you ever loved,
or your last cigarette,
or the dream that wakes you
with your mouth around my name
and your fists full of sheets.

You never called.
But my body still answers.
The phantom limbs of your apologies
twitching through me
like they still belong here.

You never called.
So I made you a myth.
That’s how it works, right?
If someone won’t come save you,
you turn them into a god
and burn in their name.

So here’s your update:
I got home safe.
Then I lit it on fire.
And now I haunt it.
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