every touch you gave
like icy water kissing my toes
aching in my legs into my heart.
every word strangling my throat
like a suicide rope.

your voice an earthquake in my veins.
an inability to comprehend
the truths you strung;
ripped through my calm composure
and i shattered the silence with my pain.

my desire to lash out and destroy you,
choked us like gas fumes.
you had chained my body
and watched as my heart died:
with each atomic lie.

i stared; i listened; i yelled:
my truths slapping your face,
like an angry mother's hand.
i snarled at your spilling tears,
fruitless in softening me.

Because, I stared into your eyes,
no shift driven towards your core
despite your cries and your betrayal;
treating me like i couldn't possibly,
ever in your eyes, be worth so much more.

So far away now,
mountains and oceans apart.
but I can feel your heart:
its pounding in ecstasy,
its sleeping beats.
Every move you make
flutters here like a leaf-
enough to rustle my heat.
Smallest images betray
the places of your feet
as you journey further from me.
No distance has yet torn us
of the binding chords
of the invisible love and lust.
Despite the torment
of the hurtful beds
you now carry me into.
I twist myself around
hoping to escape this
and run out of sensations:
of your every touch, every pulse, every kiss
which you give another
some place I've never asked to be.
I wish you would really leave me.

you won't seek
you won't try
you never wanted me
to happen in your life.


you won't come
you won't go
just to keep me
as someone you know.


you won't shout out
you won't reach out
to grab my slipping
presence you never wanted about.


you won't carefully hold
the massive heart so full
of the friendship and ease
that was forever our push and pull.


you won't open up to see
that standing here is only me
with no other quests
than hoping you're eternally free.


you won't choose this
you won't choose me
you may turn one day sadly
wondering why you miss,
why you wouldn't choose this.

Toe pirouettes kissing the water's face,
I follow the river's ebb.
My eye stretching to its horizon:
beyond it, I let my heart go...

Rushing immeasurably across unknowns,
wondering if it will find what it dreams:
this sunshine, this breeze,
washing quietly over me.

I'm glowing in God's spotlight.
Souls' diamonds in my eyes!
Breath deepened and arms splayed beneath
tall grass and willow trees;
hopes floating to the skies:
spirit set free!

/
                         I

I woke up this morning: pale, blue dawn - winter comes.
The sound of your breath all around me, lingering.
Your warmth, tucked beside me.
My eyes fluttering while rolling over -
                                                               You are not there, of course.

Slowly the blinking - the glare of daylight;
Slowly the silence - warning: it's too early.
Quickly the snuggle against a pillow barricade:
Like a jolting disturbance - dreaming resumes.
                                                               Faint shivers, warm touches fading.


Sleep numbs the world into safety once more.


                                   II

A gloomy afternoon, pouring rain,
the smell of wet streets, coolly pressing my skin.
I tug the fleece over nodding muscles: gone.
Then -
                                                                ­an echoing ripping me into the falling rain.

A voice that is yours in subconsciousness-
I hear you within these walls: my heart pounds.
Sleep ruptured and dreams dissolve;
You are not here amongst the rain:
                                                           ­     And, I am not soaked because of the downpour outside.


                                   III

There's no one here.
Just a bird beyond the window.

Where are you, then?
You used to be here, I recall.
Or were you...
                                                          ­      were you ever really here at all?


                                   IV
Some days are like this:
awakening, reaching for your hand;
slumbering wears off with each blinking second:
And I forget you inside fading dreams.
I get up to face my days,
                                                           ­     feeling like there is no one I miss.                                                     \

Too soon did things blow away:
with the wind went the truth.
And certainty remained lost,
to the dark morning hours:
A place my heart bloomed for you
and later burned 'til black and blue.

Careful


Too easily did the river run dry
with endless weeks of searing tears,
ripping open the agonies of love
unrequited, weaved in shadows:
The torment of which all hopes are soiled.
Beaten by lies of secrets well toiled.

Realistic


Too fatefully did the soul shrivel
under the brutal lashings of Unwant:
carving hollows into the passions,
dredging the unworthy pangs deeper.
To the bottom of the world without light,
one may find a BROKEN HEART without fight.

**Human