I'm not angry anymore I've cried too many tears,
I've been the one to overcome my fears.
I'm not sorry that I don't know you it's the path you chose to take,
angry with my mother you see me as a mistake.
I'm not missing out on my children's lives to me it is my duty,
this opportunity is a gift filled with lots of beauty.
I'm not sad anymore I've tried too hard to reach you,
only one chance I wanted, I'm not here to try and preach you.
I'm not ashamed anymore,  I've accepted that you don't want this,
we have no memories together, there's nothing for me to miss.
I'm not pulling myself apart because of a choice you made,
it's on your conscious forever, but for me this hurt will fade.
I'm  not perfect but I'm not afraid to face the things in  life,
I hope you are happy raising someone else's children, sitting cosy with your wife.
I'm your only daughter In my heart I know you once cared,
the situation was crazy too young you ran off scared.

I decided today to sit back
And take a look at my life
Not only from the out
But also from the inside

Like an innocent bystander
I'll take myself a gander
And what it is I find
I'll set it down in rhyme

I notice when I do look on the out
I'm always quick to throw out a smile
Pretty much all of the while
I guess a smile is just my style

The in is the one quick with the wit
That's one thing I must admit
Sometimes gets me into the thick
When it really comes down to it

For the inside to come clean
I must mean what I say and say what I mean
There's no doubt about them there beans
I hope you know what it is that I mean

I'm never much serious about
Anything life has to through out
I do love to clown and joke around
Hang with me and that you'll find out

But it's not always all fun and games
As the outside of me deteriorates
But that my friend is all of our fate
As the older we get and our hour is late

I look at the outside of me
And see an old man in the later degree
But in on the in playfully
Is the child still inside of me

That's pretty much who I am
Living this life the best that I can
On the inners and outers I'll play my hand
Wherever I tumble, wherever I land

So this is what I've come up with
When I took a look at my life
Not only from the out
But also from the inside

MY people are gray,
  pigeon gray, dawn gray, storm gray.
I call them beautiful,
  and I wonder where they are going.

Dear Talia,


My mattress is tattooed with your scent.

You held me as I slept.

You kissed my forehead and told me you love me.

You whispered three syllables into my mouth. You create waves in me that wash away cigarette burns. I would hold you tight in the unforgiving night.

I want to drink cheap coffee with you as you smile between each sip and as I master the art of looking at your smile. I want to make love with you like it's going out of style and until our lungs are burning like California wildfire.

I want to evaporate into your breath.

We were side by side in a bed made for us, and I fell asleep in your arms, listening to the calm of your breathing and the frantic beat of your heart.

Your fingers weaved through my hair, and I counted heartbeats, hoping never to stop.

My brain is soup and my hands are worn down from hours of typing your name. Talia. Talia. Talia Betourney.

I want to rock in and out of your body, as you kiss my lips with precise lightning strikes. After you shock me, time and time again, I want to wonder if the lightning misses the sky.

I am flustered and as I type this, I lose control of my thoughts as I become swept into your green-eyed, dark haired heaven. I cannot dream a better dream than your reality. I want to kiss you for every gasp I've never been around for and for every moment of pain. I am not here to save you, though: I am here just to love you.

Your hands swallowed mine, as I was closest to your body. My eyes drank the darkness, and my mind escaped.

In my sleep, you told me you love me. When I woke up, you told that panther something and I wanted to know what his ears heard that mine didn't.

You wouldn't say, and your hands grew slight tremors, the same way farmers grow slight weeds.

We started to kiss like our lips were the antidote. You whispered into my mouth. I asked what you said, being able to make most of it out.

You said, "Nothing." But, baby, that wasn't nothing. That was everything.

After a few minutes, I told you that I made out most of it and that it was okay.

You turned to your side, and your hands shook. I love you so much. I love you. I love you. I love you. Turn back to me. Look at me. Hey.

"It's okay. It's okay, and it's going to be okay, because I love you, too," I said to you, as I looked into your eyes, seeing myself.

You smiled.

We kissed like famine was non-existent, and like the apocalypse was imminent. End my world with every kiss, revive me with every flick of the tongue. Wash me with lava, and give me acid to drink; nothing could **** me in that moment, except the batting of your eye lashes.


I wrote you this poem and it *****, but it spilled out of my fingers after you left:

In a far and distant galaxy, there is a father for you, and a father for me       
And a silver car for you and I; driving underneath the alone-grey sky.
And a blue soul that learns to be happy.
And our blood will dye the Dead Sea.
And underneath a together-old tree, our young love will try.

And while our muscles are far from weak,
we will kiss until our mouths are dry.
We will kiss for an entire week. We will kiss until we forget how to cry.

Our brains will tell us we’re irresponsible.
Our hands will shake from all the trust.
You chew on my lip like I’m impossible.
You’ll ******* blood; I taste like rust.


How you could be afraid of my not loving you escapes me.

Don't you know why my heart beats so fast?

Today was the first day we said that we love each other. I hope it isn't the last, because I love you very much, and I don't think my mouth can go a day without knowing those words.


Yours,

Josh