I delight

in dimming your light

I delight

when you put up a fight

I delight

when you use all your might

I delight

when you say

"this isn't right."

He loves you

in a way so strange

he loves you

with knifes, firsts, and change.

he loves you

when he cracks your head against wall

he loves you

when he makes you fall

he loves you

every time you cry.

he loves you

and that's why you must die.

You gasp and fight against the hold

your blood-

on the ground-

is running cold

the shirt he wears

yet your heart drops;

you wished he cared.

Once he promised me his love

once he promised me his heart

He didn't see what I saw, though,

saw he was a work of art.

Once he promised me his last name

once he promised me a ring

he didn't know what I knew, though

happiness it would not bring.

Once he promised me his affection,

once he promised me his smile

I didn't know what he knew, though,

he didn't intend to stay a while.

Once he promised me his love

but his car's smashed to the wall,

I didn't hear what he must have heard

the way death must have called.

Sitting here
Letting the rain touch my back and shoulders

From between the gentle enclosure of my window screen

I feel at home

Shivering and partially soaked I lean my head back

Against the fragile safety net and I wonder what you're doing while it rains like this

If you're inside enjoying the coolness from beneath a comforter or

gritting your teeth and bearing the cold because

You think you don't deserve comfort.

I am in between,

Stuck between comfort and cowardice, wondering

How far I could go before I caved into my little house again.

I could probably last a few minutes in this rain, pouring and unwelcome as it is. I could probably

Walk around my backyard and stare at the tree that fell down in last night's winds and maybe

Consider ducking under it for protection however

I probably wouldn't, would probably duck back inside when I could no longer handle the cold and

Curl up beneath a towel and maybe a pillow

And try to sleep

Without you. I wonder now if you

Think the same things I think, if you looked up at that rainbow not five minutes ago and maybe thought

"Hey, this could be okay,"

Until the rain started up again and everything went cold and maybe it won't be so okay but it will get worse

I wonder if you

Think that. Or maybe

You choose oblivion and you lean back against mattresses and something warm and think of you

Schoolwork, of something that matters in the real world, and maybe you

Ignore the way the world is turning.

Maybe our worlds are turning different ways.

Maybe our worlds are more aligned than we think.

You aren't strong

not like you want the world to see you

you go beyond

the stereotypical break through / pass through / world view  

and you come to rest somewhere different entirely.

You aren't strong

not like you want the world to see you

you go beyond

the usual cut through / push through / subdue

and you come to rest near my heart.

You aren't strong

not like you want the world to see you

you go beyond the typical attend to / be kind to / follow through

and you come to rest too close.

I'm not strong

not like I try to convince the world

I go beyond the happy pearled / swirled / twirled

and come to rest too far from your heart.

We're not strong

not like we want the world to see

we go beyond the beautiful foresee / palm tree / agree

and come to rest near each other.

Never quite touching,

never quite close,

just enough to see you

and inspire some prose.

Nothing compares
To shaking on top of an old
Broken down windmill
With you.

Nothing compares
To silent summers
Sweating in the sweltering heat
Of love.

Nothing compares
To bright blue brick walls
Bringing about a brightening of bleary bland feelings.

Nothing compares
To dark auburn dreams
Drifting down my darling's cheek.

Nothing compares
To radical rants
On ruined romances
raining rivulets of righteousness
Upon those rotten adolescents.

Nothing compares
To myriads of murals
Of most moved men
Materializing
Meandering
In the fields below.

Nothing compares
To falling flat to fear
Fretting and fanning
To finish off
This fantasy.