I was sitting back on the couch
feeling so relaxed,
That very moment I heard that knock,
That ring, how could I ever forget?
I stood up to open up the door,
I saw him standing there looking pale,
Wondering what could have been or what not.
I let him in
He was shivering like never before.
I was glad to see him, but it was daunting to see him like that,
Him being so numb
It was something unusual,
I asked him what was the matter
And all he could say was,
"They are after me save me!! "

I could not get who was after him,
He was my beloved son,
Who was chasing him to death.
I suddenly locked all my doors and windows.
He hugged me tight and he said,
"I am sorry my mother, it's all my fault"

I still couldn't get what was happening,
And
The last thing I remember was
Someone breaking through our window,
They held guns right on our forehead,
And then I heard a trigger

Blood splashed on my face
And I looked at the other side,
It was a corpse of my dead son.
With those childish eyes,

I could not hold back my tears,
I didn't know what to do.
And
Then once in for all
I was lying on the rugged carpet
Gasping my last breaths,
Hoping I could have saved my son.

Its been a while since I have felt this way,
I feel like I am drowning into that humongous ocean,
My eyes being closed, and I was scared to even breath.
The moment I respired the water came running into my lungs,
I was Struggling to swim,
Though I was
Trying to inhale each puff of air,
I started to see from where I began, those wonderful days and those mesmerising nights.
These sequence of thoughts drove me back to those serene crimes
I started to give up
I let myself drown
Suffocated and I couldn't take it
Quitting was never really an option was it?
I panted like that small baby
Who was lying on his death bed.
I tried and tried to come off from where I was.
I let my eyes open for a while,
The view seemed blurry
Yet I didn't worry.
Kept on moving my arms back and forth,
Though it didn't shorten my way.
I knew I was bound to stay away,
Away from all the miseries

I started screaming amen  that no one could hear but me.

I somehow reached upto the shallow marked
Like god gave me the will to do so,
I survived the biggest nightmare of all times
I drowned then I swam, something I could have never done
I wish, I would have just gasped a lil bit of air before I entered the waters.
But hey! No regrets,
Life will leave you speechless many a times,
Its your choice to get up
And knock it down
Like a glassy cup!

I lost control over my emotions after such a long time.
I felt abandoned in the streets where no one would choose reside. Dusty, foggy lanes and the disappeared fame
Misery and ****** layed side by side.
I wish I could run,
But i was blocked every time.
If I could chase my way out,
I would be the queen in the kingdom no one ever liked.
Rushing through the paths and
Conquering the fears
It all went side by side.
If I could catch my dreams.
If I could leave
If
Only if.

Frustrated from the upbringing,
Tortured from whatever's happening.
That unsatisfactory notion,
Doesn't quit my room.
If I could heal myself,
Just with one blink.
Excoriating and tormenting.
Reprehensible and dominating,
These emotions stands within me.
I am not depressed,
Its all just a vain attempt.
Nothing has ever been right,
Will it atleast be bright?
Not brighter than the sun,
But like a long lost star
That's just my hope,
It has begun ,
Let it be awake,
It has relinquished my desperation to flourish.
I am a long lost dreamer,
Just in attempt to be someone,
Someone I could ever dream of.
Just hoping to be someone,
I could ever be.

I got a flustered mind.
With a cluster of dreams,
Got a bundle of hopes,
With no time to fulfill
I need peace,
Is that all I aspire for?
Been so edgy lately,
Don't know what I am tired of.
Connecting and disconnecting,
This motion is very disappointing
I said it right,
Even when I wasn't strong
Things get farther and farther,
The ones you desire the most for.
Nothing is wrong,
Yet everything seems not right
These jumbled emotions just aren't divine
I am not hallucinating,
Neither nostalgia got me this time
Yet something is weird.
I wish I could find
What troubles my mind

Its an easy way to tell how I feel,
Just don't leave. Please!
That moment has just caught me, I feel deserted already.
No wonder how I will survive, though you stayed for a while.
That feel, people are bound to leave.
You hold onto the ones worth gold,
But do I match that standards,
Thinking about it is just cold.
Things are bound to suffice,
Ultimately its gonna be nice.
I wish I could make myself believe,
Certainty to never lose someone like you,
I wish I could achieve.

Everything gets better with the time,
At times you feel completely torn apart
its the exact time you have to keep yourself together from falling apart,
Things don't get better with time, they just  gets harder
But you gradually get immune to all the difficulties.
You get stronger with time, your problem get tougher so do you
And people come and go,
Every person has a significant impact on your life,
It can either be good or bad.
It's your choice how to cherish those long lost memories,
Its your wish to hold onto every moment, or just let it go.

i remember how you bought me a cake,
i shook my head to wake up
i thought it was just a beautiful dream i was still in
but he was there for me,
with all sixteen candles on my cake
it said
"happy birthday"
it was the sweet sixteen like i always wanted

he was there right in from of my eyes,
he was dancing with the lady of his choice,
he was happy,
dancing all night long made him look sweaty and ******,
i saw him how he glanced at her,
he was in his own world,
i could not speak to him
i wanted to say-
"please please listen to me, all i want is you and you"
i saw him being ecstatic
i stood there by the corner, looked at him
being all ALONE AND ALONE
just by myself!

words feel so powerful
not even the sentence
i am gonna hang myself with a rope
i am gonna die somewhere soon
everyone took my words for granted and here i am
again!
i am sorry is what i am left with

this is moreover like feeling
i dont want to talk to anyone
i dont want to be miss shenanigan
i have done alot of mess while i was trying to help you
i am sorry
i will miss you
i didnt want to hurt your feelings but
now all i can say is
hurt was once i did to someone
really that close to me

have so many people by my side
but does anyone really care?
its all about hatred
i am sorry for the messes 've done
i am gonna die soon