My heart feels lost, and shrunken enough
To move aimlessly through my body like
Floating ghosts in abandoned hallways
Hopeless, useless and just lost
At least these feelings have names.

My eyes never fear running dry
it's an endless waterfall
best kept in the shadows.
I want to scream.
but my throat disappears every time,
Invisible fingers
Groping and choking me, just enough
To disappear.

I smile and laugh sometimes,
While I feel insanity slowly creep
from under my locked doors and
carry me into the night.
Into oblivion.

I don't see a way out
For I am struggling
or maybe I have resigned myself to the end
and refuse to struggle any longer

My tears now flow without rhyme or reason
or effect
like they never mattered, nor I.
The only thing I seem to enjoy lately is self pity;
like the bitter aftertaste of my morning coffee.
I wish this was teenage angst
I wish this is just a dream that felt like another life.

but the other me has other plans
A death pact
The only choice left to make is
who goes first and
leaves the other to pull the trigger on their own.

Shadow of death and longing
Lurking
Silent and waiting
To make their presence felt.
When the slightest sliver of light
Escapes through
the broken glass panes of the Window
That I dare not close.
I can't find the door anymore.
I have forgotten
What it looks like.
Too scared to feel through the layers of dust.
Its become easier this way.
The door was nailed shut long ago.
You might tug and pull
But those twisted lines of metal won’t be of any use anymore.
So let it be.
Let me sit and gaze
At the broken window panes.
I will wait
With the shadows.
Silent.
Waiting.
It has become easier this way
For this is familiar
And not the world outside anymore.