I used to have words
I could write them
through my fingers
with a rhythm
of my heart
of my life
it feels words, too,
gone far
from my reach ..

this struggle
i bear inside
i no longer can narrate
with feelings of my words!

i see so many people
around
all
over
me ..
yet i no longer feel the empathy
of hearts
or
companionship of my words
it hurts
it aches within!

all my efforts
all my struggle
seems to go in vain ..

glasses get broken
so many people
with broken heart
broken limb, empty soul
it feels nothing heals

people come
and go..
sometimes, people stay
to change their colours
their patterns
with each passing day

yet, no words seem to soothe anything
so maybe it
an end to all of beginning
of this slaughter
martyrdom of hearts and passions

this, maybe the
beginning of my freedom
reviving through
my words
and this story!

strange people are lonely
be in a crowd
or at a party
they are weird
i have never been lonely
never have i tried to find it
anyone could enter
and go
as they like
bothers me not a bit
since i have always had this itch
for loneliness
it never bothered me
people did !
with people
or at crowd, full of noises
my heart wandered alone
cherished solitude
I've felt
intense
and cried
bitterness ran within these veins
which i not bother speaking
nor do i want anybody to see
that's my property, my possession
which none allowed to enter
well ..
because you see nothing
you hear none !
words are only medium to express
i am bothered by nothing
spoken words just another thing
filling up this deep thick air
paper is a blessing
i lay my soul bare
with no scratch in my heart !
i believe we are all alone
we are all dumped
to nothing
cities are full
air is polluted with noise
mouths are big
tusk tusk
it's stupid to be who you are
truth hurts
yet it doesn't !
forget what you wear
or how you do
you are nowhere
but in a world
who is incapable to see
to feel
me neither !
its only loneliness sometimes make sense to me
when others don't !

this you would know
live me, cry me
take me
dancing in the dark night
and healing never comes
pain keep mounting
eyes do not cry any more
nothing scares me
not even people
or their words
burn me
die me , curse me
be in my skin
it is as it is
kiss me
with your bitterness intact
i need you to forget everything
love does not exist
care is insulting
i am insulted
tonight i am in mood of nothing
epic journey
rejections filled this heart
that you would feel
tore me apart
seal me, free me
sentence it forever
waiting is a long stop
it never comes to end

-Aug 20013-

Look up,
aren't we blessed
to witness the starry pattern ..
it echoes across
my thoughts
my writings
in
my
head ..
filling up this void
in its quite solitude..

let me be drunk
overflowing with starry, mid-night
magical night ..
who cares what goes around
the world !!
While,
I witness the marvels
my heart
my soul
in
my
dreams ..

I find you in the loneliness
of these words
amidst
dreaming
of starry nights ..
all over me !!

in a colourful
yet subtle silence.

This rain makes my heart ponder
I, once again, fall in love
with rain--as it drops
and the sounds of her whispers
splashing everywhere
it makes me less alone
falling apart
tear
by
tear
pouring all over my skin.
drenched
yet warm in its all sheer presence
Rain--recognise my presence, after all!

What a joy, this--nature find me
in a mid of June
While nights are long and drunk
without a shadow
of any existence..

I, once again, fall in love
with nature--it's absolute completeness
it makes me feel i am not alone
anymore..
not the only one shattered
scattered everywhere
with all its shattered pieces
of pride and hope.
Rain makes me feel good

holding my hands
carrying
my weight
whispering softly
like a mystery
to never stop believing.

Dawn arrives
it has three rows
an enormous life
with intense struggle
carrying a paperweight

It feels, life like a surrealist dream
An artists masterpiece
hoping to find meaning
demeaning every single day--am i caught up yet again

a hurricane of strong winds
water splashing everywhere
no one receives hope
dawn arrives--we all leave and groan
parading into this abyss of living
searching between somewhere being alive and abandoned passions

hope; an impossible metaphor
just like these words
counting on some motivation
a furious lost coin--an engraved fury

dawn arrives--and these angels abandoned us
here in Cardiff--it groans like a mad uproar
the light is buried under our eyes and skin
hush of these deafening challenges
a staggering crowd in my head
those who go out of their skin
are the real ones/ achievers?
mired in symbols and in fruitless heart's labor.

dawn arrives
it bites the men--who thinks
there is no paradise
love that spurs out of our lives
dies in casual moments
and yet, this will continue
again and so on
and on.

characterless and beautiful; those mourning voices- I am too accustomed- of life's ******* fumes-
is this not a reality/ or just my mind's brilliance?
I am sweet- , it's like telling me I am good but no good-
those ***** nights- that you might even **** for good
black and white- am I the only one looking at grey?
so as it appears- that lust wins, for all, and for good
is there any remedy for mind- thinking mind obsessed with your thoughts?
oh honey, did I say not that you are beautiful- we are not match.
thereby not compatible- yet I can't take my mind off you
saving me a cure, for this illness thats growing in my flesh and bones
exactly this is not a meditation- writing for heart, or memory - or say reliving lusting memory
so as it is, it may be- are we allowed to say' its hurting'
or just be shut up about life- and pretend 'its polite not to be too open'.
its like a thing - too swallowed up inside; yet so many people on street, lying down- looking for spare change- or ***;
people will say oh its 'dependence on *****'- *******, to all- who says
but who am I to say this?  
I am like running blue and black- at the same time; wishing to un-done my love
and could give them to people, who need
these words smell like decay- well break it more- who would bother
as if we really care- I feel empty, vain and disdain- how openly I confess more?
enough of this- let's just go back, this mind's brilliance is for nothing
it's all like an old brag- just take a drag, and steel the moments from night
don't be bothered- why to read this, I am not interested
there aren't any running thoughts behind, but who cares?
its all surrealistic, struggling to accept- you are nowhere around.
be a characterless *****, you foolish heart- be a *****- **** you
for these unnecessary troubles-
frozen in this realm of life and death- floating around somewhere in between
only if you were around.