The outer edge of a poem looks like a heartbeat
have you ever noticed that?
It's a unique trait-
it's art
The outer edge of a poem looks like a heartbeat
of someone who has maybe
skipped too many
beats
The outer edge of a poem looks like a heartbeat
not a bit like mine, though
mine's jagged
all the time
from looking at people not meant for me
and wishing they were
written into my
story
The outer edge of a poem looks like a heartbeat
the inner edge looks like
someone already
dead.

mom left the water running in the kitchen
I can hear its profane drip
it's naked, molesting my eardrums
like the men they tell you not to approach
and the people who get cited for disturbing the peace
it's irregularity haunts me
the precious water (or is it *****?)
flows down the drain and I can't help but shiver
as I listen to its profane drip.

I've been talking to myself a lot recently
I'll invent characters to converse with
demons to battle
antagonistic villains who pose opposing points
I like the thrill of having someone other than myself to talk to
even when I'm alone,
other people do exactly what I imagine them to do-
that is, if I'm imagining them.
they are the back to my forth
make me find and close loopholes I subconsciously noticed
but it wasn't in character for me to acknowledge their presence.
that's what the others are for!
and it's not like I'm schizophrenic- I'm not,
I don't become these other people for moments;
I invented them for the pleasure of their conversation
because they see things I couldn't see, otherwise.
my character is not all-encompassing
and it's nice to have other views than mine, sometimes...

am I really talking to only myself?

you can't measure the worth of a person by how fast they run the mile
you can't time how long it takes a person's heart to fall
or approximate the songs that run through their mind.
you can't put a number to the distance
their eyes have traveled,
or label, on a map, the tracks of their train of thought.
you can't measure the worth of a person,
but if I could measure you,
I'd find you first in all the world.

I want to have a body
that matches my mind

I'm tired of being heavy and wordy and preachy
and getting into debates
just wanting to discuss things
yeah, that's fine sometimes, but too much Plato
and not enough e e cummings
can cause a circuit short in the heart
When you're pumping too much in and out
and Talking Like Everything is Capitalized
and waving your hands
we're looking for some complex meaning to existence
a formula for happiness and our answer is a radical-
what exactly does it mean?
but we forgot in our endless quests for the light at the end of the tunnel
that if we put our ******* shining armor down for just a second
there's a field by our house that calling our name
and the flowers long to dance before your eyes
and the wind asks only this of us
and the grass has made one request:
we need not be too heavy
we need only be light.

"Maybe you had to."
I like that, it's like a breath of fresh air
finally, someone has acknowledged that emotional reality is reality,
that when it hurts so much,
sometimes you have to, see?
don't you get it?
Tears are necessary for the human existence, as is
laughter, and hugs, and screaming when you're frustrated
and calling so-and-so up
(about fifty times)
(at three in the morning)
and yeah, sometimes it's not well advised or morally justified,
but maybe you have to.

you'd love to say you're still who you are
but when you stand alone and you think no one's looking,
you look sad. and broken
and the only time you're ever really alive is with her
her who used to be me
her who was her before me and is now
her after me
and i think that's fine because
I like you being alive
so stay with her
and if I make you dead then stay away from me, but
I guess I just wanted to be the one to resurrect you

I used to see fire in your heart
now all I see is the smoldering embers as you slowly die down
I don't know where the sparks went when we used to bounce off each other
and ignite everything around us
I don't know where the sparks went
because they can't light whatever it is behind your eyes, not anymore.
I want to believe I don't love you so
I'm ignoring you and running away
and telling myself you wanted it like this
I want to believe I don't love you so I told myself I wouldn't return your calls or texts but you haven't said anything to me since I dropped off the face of the earth three weeks ago
I want to believe I don't love you
so I'm making myself hate you,
and it's almost worse.

people look at happiness like
'well I'm not happy now because
this
this
and this
*****, and I can't change it,
so I'll just wait to be happy'
but if you just looked at happiness like
'well i have
this
this
and this
and at first I thought it ******
but I can't change it
and since there's a lot of good parts
I'll just look at those, and be happy'
then I promise things would go a lot better for you.

you're not solving any problems by blindly hating.
you say you hate their religion because 'they hate'
do you even hear yourself speak?
you're blinded by coincidence and ignorance
our religion preaches love, only love
and you're sitting there saying you hate all people of Islam.
and you defend your hatred by 'I'm only human'
and saying you want all muslims to die
because they haven't contributed anything to civilization
what about, I dunno, mathematics?
medicine?
name one muslim nobel prize winner, you say.
I can name ten.
the value of a person is not in their
character or beliefs or ******* 'contribution'
the value of a person is in the fact that they are a person.
would you **** someone with down syndrome? or a newborn baby?
they haven't 'contributed' anything at all.
and muslims have.
please, do your research-
You're so ignorant and fine to be that way.
I cannot hate anyone if I understand them
and you do not understand them,
so you've created a reason for your hate.
don't you know your own religion?
You are only feeding the evil in this world
you cannot fight hate with hate,
you must fight hate with love.
Yes, you are only human,
but we are called to be like *God.

we hugged goodbye and waited
and waited
struggling for conversation,
"that's the worst, when you say bye, and then you don't leave"
and you said, "no it's not."
you made me think
happily, I said
"wait. you're right. there's more time for visiting and spending time with each other"
I'm grateful for you
so I said, "when you leave, what do you do? do you say bye again? do you keep talking?"
and you said "you can say bye again"
and you stuck your hands in your pockets and shrugged with that cute
happy smile of yours
and then it was time to say bye again
and we hugged again.

I am so uncomfortable
you're so uncomfortable
maybe we can be exceedingly uncomfortable together
or maybe
we
might
just
*click

I'm scared it's because you read every single one of these and you know I love you and I can't take it back and maybe I'm just imagining it and maybe I'm doing it because I'm trying to tell you but I can't to your face so I write about it in the hope you'll see it but it's not hope exactly because if you find it then it will be bad but at least you'll know and I kind of want to just give you the link and let it be done but what if it destroys what's left of our friendship and what if you already have the link and i have to deal with the fact you've known all along and what if you hate me for it and what if you suspected and what if you care about me too? what if you care about me too?
no you don't. I'm deluding myself and I'll just have to continue because it's illogical to do anything else.

we're not even on speaking terms any more

people who need structure
make me think they don't have strong self-esteem
people who don't like structure
make me think they're wild and a bit disorganized
people with father problems
make me think they have something weird going on with
abandonment, or sexuality
and people with mother problems
make me think they need more nurturing
what about people who analyze other people and try to understand them?
is it because we desperately want to be understood?

you're so used to being able to abuse whoever you want
that you've started abusing me
like you three are somehow above me
and I'm not a real person with feelings,
I'm just Maddie Foley
and I don't count or
something
and if I get mad when you treat me like ****
then 'whoa man we're just kidding'
and YOU get mad as if i dont have a right
to stand up for myself
and you think that 'that's just our sense of humor' is a good enough reason
to attack and abuse and control
and you don't even see that that's what it is
but if I get upset, I'm 'too emotionally involved'
no, you just don't want to put in the effort to fix yourselves
so you're going to keep abusing each other
and you're never going to address any issues
because you don't care enough
and emotional baggage is a huge no-no
'that's not what friends are for'
have you ever had friends?
oh, right. you've only got one, and your sister.
but I can't say anything because if I do
then there's obviously something wrong with me for not accepting and supporting your 'unique' type of friendship
because you've always wanted to be unique,
probably more than anything else,
and maybe love will fix the issue
but not if you despise the idea of love
and hate talking about it.
and maybe it DOES work for yall, but emotional unfulfillment
sure as hell doesn't work for anyone else
and unless you're willing to develop your character so you can actually
build more relationships than just one,
then you're gonna have a difficult time of it.
if you just search for people who will accept you for 100% who you are now, even at your worst personality,
and don't push you to be better, then you will find a very small percentage of friends.
Relationships need work.
they will never be instantly perfect.
but you don't want work, you just want
to hang out and not talk about issues or problems at all
you don't want to clear the air
you just want to exist, as emotionless and painless as possible
which is exactly what I don't want.
so I tread on and let it continue.

I keep thinking about how you used
to giggle like that to me
and now you giggle with that skinny boy
and how I got mad because Karl said men are better than women
because women are weaker
and when I got mad you were like "Oh God, don't start that conversation with her,"
like gender equality is a minor aggravation
and my passion was to be silenced
and you don't even look as you passed by
maybe I did it,
maybe it's my fault
but now you're
fine without me
you're fine
fine without
me fine
without me fine
me fine without
without
fine
me
and I'm dying inside.

You're still tired of me and
I'm not ******* treating you as anything more than a stranger
you're barely an acquaintance now.
Are you happy now that we don't speak?
Isn't that what you wanted?
You dislike me and fine,
I'll ignore you, if you return the favor.
I have other friendships to **** up,
with people that actually give a **** about me.

I keep thinking about how much you'd hate this book
like emotions are 'not the reality of things'
and you'd rather know what actually happened
rather than the way it felt.
Don't you realize, that
how it felt
was what actually happened?

The worst part is the silence.
It's crushing, like a blanket of grief,
like its over our mouths and not tight enough to smother,
but it's still hard to breathe, because you get a bit less air every time.
The worst part is the silence,
because there's less happiness in the halls
and you feel ashamed of laughing
and we know our hearts are in overdrive but our voices can't express it.
The worst part is the silence;
We're all dealing with it in such different ways that
we can't talk about it,
and comfort is just a pat on the back
that doesn't do anything to soften the blow or calm our pulse
The worst part is the silence.
I can't do anything, say anything
I am numb, helpless, useless,
I'm scared for my friends-
but for now, we must be in silence,
because it's as though any talking except his
is not quite what we're looking for.

"Why do you look at me so much?"
maybe because I think God wove his best when He made your story
maybe because I think He struck gold when he built your heart
maybe because I think there's nothing more beautiful than your mind
maybe because I'd like to look through the world with your eyes
maybe because God made your hair to perfectly flow past my fingers
maybe because I'm in love with you
maybe because I have been in love with you
maybe because I was in love with you

silence.

..."What do you mean? No, I don't."

it seems so foolish to write about you

People talk about it all the time
but it wasn't a reality til today.
I'm ******* ******, I'm tired of using other people's words
All these phrases are cliches, mindless placations and all that can run through my mind is *******, and that's not how I feel, that's how everyone else who goes through these things feels, I don't feel like this, it didn't happen, this didn't happen, even that's a cliche, I just want to use my own words, but everything important's already been said and I just want to stop using english because all of these words have been used and it's not fair, why can't I use my own words to describe my mental state? Every euphemism is pointless, that's not what these things are, there's no way to say it, my mind doesn't look like it's supposed to right now, it hurts, but it doesn't, it's numb, it's nonexistent, I don't want to keep using these pointless words, this was supposed to be a poem.
It was supposed to be a poem. It was supposed to have an ending. A real one. A beginning a middle and an end. It's cut off in the middle of a sentence just like that ******* book and why do I have so many ******* relative quotes but no real quotes of my own? Someone called it bad timing but there's no good time but really some are better than others but actually when is the best hour to **** yourself?

Humans deserve so much more
than we give each other.
People are these perfect receptors and givers of love
and we deserve each other more than anything else
We deserve God and love
and happy-ever-afters
but that doesn't stop the reality of the situation
when people don't get what they deserve
and it's not selfish, but it is selfish
It's the most selfish thing they could do
But they need to be selfish,
when the pain is so much that there is no other solution-
you need to put your needs above others,
because you can only control yourself and your life.
But if me building a friendship with him would have changed anything,
or if they had planted the ******* grass seed earlier
so it would've been ******* green
or if I could hug her until I could breathe my will to live into her
I would. I would change everything
not so he had to go on living miserably
but so that he could have the chance
that one day it wouldn't be miserable anymore.
I would die so that everyone would forever be happy.
Christ did.
He didn't die for this, He didn't die for misery,
He died for hope- and we rejected Him, and
we loved less and less as years went by
and in the midst of turning away to our glorious 'freedom'
we forgot that we were happier before, and maybe this mental state
isn't what it should be, and maybe we should change something,
and maybe if we all just loved each other more, he'd still be here.
We've been cutting each other apart for years and
now we're reaping our grisly harvest.
But now he's gone. There is no closure,
No why
No how
Once they're off the cliff, you can no longer grasp their hands,
and no one sees a need to until they're broken on the chasm floor
"Oh, I would've held on tighter if I would've known!"
Whatever you would have done to save someone,
you should do to them every single day,
because you never know how close they are to falling off the edge.

My mind is playing tricks on me, my dear
I almost feel as though I'm home again
Passion Pit playing in the background and
Of Monsters and Men playing in my head
Cards on the floor slipping through the only cold floorboards
We're all shirtless again
It's one hundred thousand and ten degrees outside
the walls haven't quite crumbled down
over the cabins that we love
the clouds can't penetrate these green hills, much less roll over them
only we can roll on these hills in our hot sleeping bags
and almost fall into the green lily pond and the sky's green
but I'm not scared anymore
Because I've jumped off the high dive and
introduced myself to older girls
What else could there be to love other than the smell of cookouts
bad singing, and BO?
I painted my face for the first time to give a blanket
to a girl who'd never have a better night.
I got my eyebrows plucked in the same room and night
She plucked my guilt out like the hairband she was trying to undo,
her fingers said, "you're forgiven,"
my eyes said, "thank you,"
as I leapt through the fields to hug my friend because she was crying
even though I was naked
I braided so much hair during that time-
Held more hands than you'd wanna
Jesse McCartney didn't even know what a beautiful soul was-
My summer was set to the playlist of
the only twenty year old in the room who is trying to guide our ships
as we sail through the changing ocean tides
and summer is the easiest to handle of the seasons of my life-
There, I built my own wheel, learned how to take it myself,
and then I gave it to Jesus
and he's piloting fine.

Maybe my distance has made me realize
now, I don't even want to run off into the sunset with you
I wouldn't care if I died tomorrow
as long as I could be with you today.
I miss you,
I miss you, as you are you,
and not as someone I wish you were-
I miss being with you wholly and completely,
I miss your 'cold heart' and I miss how you'd call yourself an *******
I miss our group text and I miss the light in your eyes
I miss how you'd call me ridiculous
I miss being way too happy to see each other in the hall
I miss dancing
I miss how you'd huddle up your arms when I went to hug you
I miss your beautiful mind and I miss interacting with it.
I miss you as you and I don't want you any other way.

I love you like the roof loves the shutters
I love you like blue loves green
I love you like 'school' loves 'zone'
I love you like rust loves metal
I love you like an oak loves its twin
I love you like the Moon loves the Earth
I love you like a magnet with the same pole
I love you like a star-struck poet loves a muse
I love you like someone who has never loved before
and I've written it a thousand times, but I've never said it to you
because I love you like Darcy loves Elizabeth
and I'm scared if I say it aloud, you'll hear it.

I agree that I cannot have you
and you seem to be avoiding me almost
as much as I've been trying to avoid you
but God did a fabulous job making that
eye roll you do when you aren't fascinated
and your smile, how it goes from zero to earth-shaking
in a split second
and how when you run, you pointedly don't look at the sidelines
but I know you can hear me.
In fact, I know you can always hear me-
when I'm giving love advice to anybody and telling them to go for it
and then inform them, "I'm projecting."
when I'm talking about my achievements to someone else because I'm scared you won't care.
when I talk about boys to maybe let you know I don't care and maybe make you jealous.
And I think you don't analyze these things nearly as much as I do-
but to say there is a mundane reason for everything you do is to discredit you.
I'm pulling a Darcy
and I'm scared you're the type of Lizzy
to leave forever and never look back.

a while ago, you told me
mr. huck told you that
"men have *** for power" and
"women have *** for love"
and you'd thought to yourself, wait,
I'd do it for power.
I can't help but wonder-
if I had told you that you could've had me
on my knees begging for mercy,
twice,
would things have been different?

There is always legend in pursuing endlessly
in refusing to see bad, in rescuing the damsel
"she doesn't love you now but she will if you just..."
Maybe I should stay by her side
and wait for millions of years
until we're both fossils
and no one remembers our names.
There is no romanticism in giving up.
...but you always were a realist,
and you've changed me more than I'd like to admit.

he has a nice nose and dark hair, pale skin
like yours
and he's skinny and disjointed, unlike you
because you're like a million pieces designed for each other
that don't quite fit me right
and another is a bit large, while you are the small
fit version of an angel
this same one has more emotional depth than you do
and I find all these boys to talk to,
they're fine for momentary amusement,
but I can't help but measure them all to you
and I can't help but find them wanting.

things aren't just awkward between us
they are painfully, unbearably awkward
as we step through the eggshells on
our path to make sure it's safe to be around each other again-
I'm not sure I miss you.
You're kind of an *******.
but I miss at least the easy chemistry
and not this stumbling hesitancy
as we each seek to appease the imagined hatred of the other.

Do not call me teacher.
Do not call me light.
I am merely a reflecting glass-
showing a broken truth, not exactly right.

Do not call me preacher.
Do not call me uptight.
I'm only a Christian,
saying gently, "Come closer, it'll be alright."

Do not call me deeper.
Do not call me inspiring.
I'm just a poor lonely girl,
this gets kind of tiring- so

Do call me loving,
Do call me trying,
call me not enough, fine, that's true
but I'm reaching towards the sky-

I really do care for You,
I gasp for You every day
but I'm limited by my ego and lack of servitude,
my God, show me Your way.

Do not call me teacher-
that's the big guy, up there
He's the magnificent beautiful creature
with magnificent beautiful hair

Who unites with the world in harmony
and knows exactly how to love
my heart aches for having forgotten Him
but He saved me with His holy dove

My world is falling in place around me
My God is tracing the path
they've tried and failed to drown me
while I was sleeping- in my own bath.

Do not call me teacher,
I might speak His words, or try
but I **** up every day.
I'm dangling to this basic, dissenting concept of 'I'.

So I'm broken and lonely
and hurting, just like y'all.
Please don't call me teacher.
That's not who I am. I'm not worthy at all.

Alcohol does not agree with my system-
neither do you

if you want to be alone,
it's fine, I won't talk to you
I didn't talk to you last weekend either
I hope you're happy
I'm giving you a break
I'm not here for you,
I'm just alone tonight and
your sister offered to pick me up
and I want you to know I'm not trying
to be clingy
and I know you want a weekend alone
without me.
you didn't see me honestly all this week
and hopefully tonight you'll only get
a passing glance
but I won't isolate myself from my friends
just so you don't get ******* aggravated with me
. fine, I'll avoid you,
but my life won't go on shutdown for you.
It's not for you.
Nothing is for you.
Not anymore.

I've always wanted you to expose yourself,
drop the shell,
show who you REALLY are inside-
show it,  just for me,
and I guess maybe I've realized
the shell is who you are.

Yin or yang?
I have not always been both and neither
once, I was yin- dark,
within,
under,
intuitive-
I am now yang,
and every time I think of a color I
think of gold and white,
and my eyes reach towards the heavens
like it's a prize just for me
and I am supposed to be there
I draw wings on my paper
and remember having them-
not sure when.
I do not love myself because I am
special, or worthy,
or because I think I am capable on my own,
but the Father of the whole universe is my own Father,
for He makes me sacred with His presence,
and showers me with love-
how can I help but love myself?
There is God in me!
My very existence, God has given!

I hate myself for loving you- because
by all rights, I shouldn't,
There's no reason to,
You don't even like me, much less love me
you don't see the point in overt displays of affection
but I want to kiss you until eternity-
I love you desperately and forever,
and there's no particular reason why-
It just is.

I don't know how you get joy out of just saying no all the time
You only wish to partake in those actions that you know will gratify you,
and you never separate from those. You'll live a life, sure, but it
won't be a very filled or exciting one-
you've got your goals you will accomplish
and that will be that
and maybe you're fine with your existence,
but I sure as hell wouldn't be satisfied.
I'll burn down your ******* cubicle because I desperately don't want
you to be confined, even if it is by your own design.
You can make whatever choice you want
and I want you to be happy,
so go ahead and just simply logically exist
while I'm having the time of my life-
you can't hold me back, I'm done trying to pull you forward
because you don't want to come,
so looks like I'll be having fun without you,
and you will have no idea what you're missing.

We must use our individuality to
come full circle,
admit and realize we are not worth all we think we are-
and empty ourselves in agape, generosity, charity
using the syllable Om to connect with the supreme being sometimes known as
Allah
Christ
or Yahweh,
for this unity is Nirvana, perfection, heaven-
Christlike love is to forget the ego and the desires
and this love ends all suffering
for sin is the separation from the supreme being and the lack of love-
our individuality saved us and ****** us, for
we will never be one;
all the religions are in an attempt to unite what it is that we have determined
is not to be united-
western civilization falsely values the individual and the ego;
these are not important in and of themselves, but rather side effects of a body,
and tools used to destroy themselves.
It is not important that I am I except that it is the point through which
I realize that
It is not important that I am I-
The journey through life is a spiral circling in on itself,
never quite reaching a closed point,
because we're basing our choices on the wrong motivations
and we've forgotten where it is that home is.

you'd thought it had died forever
and now it seems as though death is an
imaginary word- for some-country-not-ours
they sky had been gray for just a day too long,
your hair had grown darker and your eyes
forgot how green the grass could be;
flowers haven't been seen for months
your limbs locked beside you,
too many movie nights and not enough crazy nights
no one's cold hearts have any warm blood to pump; we're lizards
I don't think mine's beat in a minute
(it's been cold about that long)
the day wasn't friendly-
and now they are-
death, while it lasts, is the longest thing in the world
but just when you think you won't make it out:
the cycle begins again.

Poets are not born,
poets are written on the hearts of those around them
and in their hot blood, the only thing they can hear
it's that time of night again,
it's not the ocean in your ears and
the christmas lights are one third burnt out and
we're all kind of lonely and not sure why;
so in an hour without any particular light gradient
or weather circumstance,
poets are written
and poems are born.

hey pretty boy,
I hear our myers-briggs personalities are compatible.
You've got exactly the kind of curly hair I'm looking for
and chocolate brown eyes
tall, skinny,
a nice jawline-
you love to read, you value close relationships-
hell, you play the double bass
and have the nicest arm muscles I've ever seen-
you love your family, and live in Abita
with goats and sheep
and if you're so **** perfect for me,
why do I still love her?

what is valuable about our individuality?
we know, or think we know, that
we've always acknowledged its importance,
but I want a concrete answer-
why is it important that I am different than you?
why is it important that I am better than you?
why is it important that we be divided?
why is it important that I am-
rather than we are?

Logic is not an end, it is a pathway,
with happiness as a goal, anything seemingly illogical can be justified
Enjoying clouds is illogical and irrelevant, pointless,
Wearing matching shirts to track is unnecessary,
"Why would you logically find joy in something like that?"
You cannot look at the individual incident.
there is always a reason to be unhappy-
Unless the goal you are striving for is to be happy- in which,
finding joy in anything is logical-
because the very act of feeling joy is a choice to increase endorphins,
not a result of stimuli.
Humor in itself is illogical and pointless to your survival,
but to make your survival worthwhile, it is exactly what you need.

When you focus on that which is greater than you,
it becomes terribly lonely;
There is nothing unreachable within me but no one has yet tried
to grasp the depths and stretch out their arms-
the surface far too tempting to dive deeper-
Some of the side effects are:
inability to blindly stroll through life
forgetting what it is that binds you to the person next to you
feeling shockingly lonely on sunny days in crowded places
constant circular reasoning
and the death of all impressions of perfection.
The innocent frames of existence are one of the metaphyisicasualities,
once they're killed, you must fight to resurrect them-
for only once you've gone too far do you realize the value of staying home.

I seek to be understood,
as always- but I seek to understand,
primarily because I think if I understand hard enough,
then someone will be able to understand me.
If my car goes where my eyes go then I will reach an inevitable
conclusion, the star-struck protrusion is pointless in your eyes,
I speak endlessly to enable you to understand me and the universe-
we are one, I am you, I am the sky,
I am atoms explaining themselves,
I speak the wind that created me,
We are of equal value, but different consciousness stages-
You will one day be where I am and I will one day be where you are,
these divisions are temporary, simultaneously dangerous and valuable,
My greatest accomplishment and greatest downfall
is the separation and distinction of 'myself' from the rest of it,
I've drawn a sinful line that divided me from God,
The line itself is what defines sin-
Eve and Adam's apple created the human ego
and forever abandoned unity with God,
Inscribing pride and individuality into human hearts forever-
pride enabled me to think these things
and pride is what will build my intelligence that will enable my humility-
I move in a great circle and am drowning in metaphysicalities,
and I know all this, acknowledge it,
and have moved on-
the mountains are mountains and the rivers are rivers,
I have eighty long years ahead and I will do with them what I wish,
I'm pumped for my joy, pain, love, and strife-
so make no mistake,
I chose this life.

all the INTPs on the internet forums think us
ENFPs are crazy,
but the secret is: deep in your logical hearts,
behind the pretenses created by your ego,
and the smug superiority of the cold unfeeling,
you've blocked out the big picture,
so taken with the idea of analyzing that
you have not seen the layers upon layers of life
and forsaken cliches while forgetting,
there was a reason 'they' started saying them-
I am intelligent-
my emotions have been carefully processed
and approved, and the idea and truth
of emotions has been carefully processed and approved,
I have taken a look at life and poked around
in the bottom of it,
and determined my course of action-
I'm not here for logic or intelligence,
or to exist in a shell of my private world,
offering an occasional analysis of theoretical possibilities.
Logically, there is no real reason to do anything
fun or spiritual at all-
you can be completely alone and that is logical,
you can never leave the house and that is logical,
you can dislike most everything and that is logical,
look, if that's how you want to live your life,
and you're happy,
then fine; but the truth of the matter is,
you have a single life, and within it, you can choose
to be happy and live as fulfilled of an experience as possible.
it is illogical to waste the short years you've got.
it is illogical to spend them unhappy with your situation.
maybe it doesn't seem like wasting to you,
maybe you are happy disliking things,
but if you dislike something, doesn't that mean you
are unhappy with the presence of it?
it makes more logical sense to enjoy things and to
be filled with emotion,
(if you separate yourself and view objectively, that is)
a logical approach to day to day life kills emotion
but a logical approach to values makes you realize you desperately need it,
so if you can detach and apply to your existence as a whole-
there's a perfect reason to die and a perfect reason to live,
but the key is that living produces more endorphins.
so for my own sake,
and within my own values and truth and experience,
I'm here for the ride.

in calculus, we describe how infinitely close
we can approach a goal,
the fractions growing smaller and smaller.
The spirals decrease in size but we cannot leave
orbit,
we shall divide endlessly,
and perhaps because of that,
we will never find the end-
the limits of our physical world confine us to
imperfect numbers and imperfect love,
impossible to live in a seamless harmony, but:
if we are anything together, we ignite each other.
My heart sets on fire and my world shifts a little
when I look at you.
We've gotten as close as we possibly could,
always a step away, the centrifugal force
balancing the gravity that draws us into each other,
our magnetism impossible to avoid
but we cannot connect.
The divine irony enjoys this type of subtle humor,
the paradoxes arising from impossibilities and passion.
We're just lost in the night sky,
two stars coming inextricably close:
doing a heavenly dance, but the Lord of the light
knows the steps too well to allow us to collide.
I will forever admire you from the distance,
painfully caught betwixt many gravities
and I cannot escape-
til the day I die,
I shall salute you to whom I am tied;
we are spun around on the finger of God as He
sits bored waiting for something more important to do.
I watch your star spin wildly,
just too far for me to grasp- and I wait forever.
You're beautiful,
today just like every other day-
but our zero is out of reach,
and I'll never be with you.