if god loves all of his children and wants the best for all of them then why does he turn his back on the ones who love someone who carries their same chromosomes. huh?
and if he loves us all then why would he have 'blessed' me with a mental illness that eats away at my soul everyday and makes life so miserable the only escape seems to be leaving and living among the stars and galaxies. huh?
and  if he really does love every single one of us then why does he not love the ones who choose to not believe in him?

i think we often listen to music that says the words we're afraid to say

"my mind may be filled with dark thoughts and every turn may be hiding a new demon. and everything i see may be in black and white but it's not my choice. i try to make others feel like the universe is a beautiful creation exploding at the seams with color and concentrated happiness.i may be sick but at least i dont make others feel like the only way to see the world is in black and white. and the only way to treat people is to assume that everyone is a lying ******* and that everyone wants to steal your heart and stomp it into the earth . i may be sick but i'm not sickening."

my therapist knows the color of your eyes

"i stay up all night because i don't have enough pills stashed in my flower pots and behind mirrors and  in my hands to drown out the fire that burns holes in my skull. i stay up all night because the last words you wrote me made me cry searing color out my eyes. i can't see the sky as blue anymore baby. that night i tried to cut my heart out, everything was so red i guess that's the only color i see now. baby i still have the scar, you should see it sometime. that night i stripped my home of the insipid decorations, they were laughing at me. i smashed all the empty bottles around me baby you should've seen it, there was blue and green and silver diamonds everywhere,,like a dream. i stay up at night because when i close my eyes i see you. and your stupid grin you always pull out, like a black ace card. i can't get rid of you,,you're in my head. and your words are stuck relaying in my skull. I CANT GET RID OF YOU. that's why i'm sitting up awake at 4:57 am contemplating whether or not to pull my heart out cause i won't see you in hell,,you've always been the angel baby."

Sixteen
Stressed and unimpressed
"Is this all there is"
What ever happened to the dreaming little eight year old  mind set,
imagining the glorious teenage years

Who ever imagined an anxiety ridden problematic teenager who thinks she's got it all under control

In reality she's just a couple of unfinished sentences, a sad contradiction, misunderstood and depressed, and she doesn't know where it ends

Where is the time going,
She locks herself in her room,
she'd rather be alone, but she needs time,
help

she wants someone to notice,
but she's got her stubborn head in the clouds and she's not coming down