The date is June 5th, the petals on the flowers have never looked so pink, so bright, and the sky is glowing blue. Sweet cotton clouds float, creating a perfect summer day.

Come summers end, these petals will fall, and they will never grow again. They will never be as pink as they were that June day. The clouds in the sky will fall into rain, trickle into the ocean, they will never be placed in the sky the same.

I beg for lost time, try to save every moment in my mind because, I will never be sixteen again. I will never smell those flowers again, the glow in my eyes may never be as bright.

But, June 5th will come again, new flowers will grow and blossom in place of the old. They will be so beautiful I might forget about the others. I might find peace. Starting over never felt so good.

Thursday, February 19th.

The once lively suburban street resembles a ghost-town.
Children are locked away inside, hiding,
protecting themselves from the harsh bite of winter.
Living in Minnesota, the cold is everlasting.

I find myself forever wishing of better days,
dreaming of windy beaches instead of wind chill.
I wear dresses and shorts inside,
changing into heavy coats and dark colors to even open a window.

There’s a dip in my bed from sitting in the same spot for too long,
and empty water bottles scattered around my room like easter eggs.
The poster on my wall is slowly coming off, and I don’t try to fix it.
Music is overplayed, and peanut butter sandwiches are making me yawn.

Living in Minnesota, the cold is mind-altering.

i was never a big fan of mint, but after you kissed me, with those sweet spearmint lips of yours, i was hooked.

i was never a big fan of horror movies, but when we watched one, you covered my eyes and held me like i was glass, and i realized that i would probably hold on to you in the middle of a snowstorm.

i was never a big fan of hiking, but when we went on a camping trip, i could see that your eyes were the brightest thing shining in the night; and i wanted to look into them forever.

i was never a big fan of life, but on the night that my world spun and my head pounded with thoughts, you told me it was worth it; that i was worth it.

i was never a big fan of you, but after you picked me up in your old car and kissed me, and kissed me, i couldn't stop chewing mint gum. i still can't.

it’s almost impossible to live in the moment
i’ve only ever lived for the future.
the future is drilled into children’s brains as soon as they can think;
every school year preparing for the next, every skill built onto the last.
as a child i had many dreams for my future.
i always imagined being a teenager to be so much more fun,
i always imagined that boys would kiss me goodnight on my porch and nothing more
i never expected things to become as complicated as they are
there was so much i didn’t know.

some things never change,
and sometimes i still stare out windows into the dark,
imagining a future.
i have created a life within my mind much richer, more fulfilling than the one i live

reality seems so dull to me, because somewhere in my mind i am with you
sitting in a car at night, kissing your rough knuckles
i can feel your hands on my jaw and i can feel the summer air blowing blindly through the open windows; crickets in the distance, you, right in front of me.


and then i come back to my real life,
and i know this isn’t my future.
it never will be.