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Apr 2020 · 57
The Covid Effect
Tangled Emotions-The Covid-19 Effect

I feel like we (I) are living in suspended animation, stop action, or caught in a time warp, on pause, on hold, virtual reality, surreal, dazed, stuck, and drugged, in a fog, between two worlds. This doesn’t feel real to me. When will I wake up?

All these emotions are running amok in me. I feel I’m being pulled in many directions, what am I supposed to do, think or feel? How am I supposed to act? What is expected of me? Who am I? Where do I go from here? What’s next?

I can’t think, I can’t feel, I can’t breathe, I’m numb to the very core, I’m expecting something bad to happen, something that may or may not ever come. I feel like in my head that I’m a prisoner that can never get out. I want to cry but I can’t, I want to scream but I can’t, I want to hide but I can't, I want to run, but I can’t. I’m waiting for death, I’m waiting for life.

I’m in the middle of nowhere, floating in space, I’m in the middle of the field and as far as I can see there are trees and grass, but no people or animals, and no other life. I’m running in circles, and I can’t stop, my head is spinning like a top. Waiting for uncertainty to stop I am alone.

This is building inside me like a volcano, and the New Madrid fault lines are rumbling, this is a Tsunami ready to flow but there is nowhere for any of this “fallout” to go, Trying to make the best out of a merciless situation.

Copyright 2020
all rights reserved
a work in progress
Dec 2019 · 70
Hearing the sounds of different trains rolling down the track
the horn sounds make erie echoes in the hollar.
The old steam trains still running, and carrying passengers to historical destinations along an old canal route
As one train slowly passes by the neighbors back yards wave as the
men pass by.
One little girl who is fishing in her grandfathers pond yells and waves at the on coming train,
work in progress
Dec 2019 · 64
Echoes of the past
Music of long ago reminds me of old boyfriends.
Taking me back to the exact time of my life
Memories I treasure, and have little regret
of things I did, people I hung around with
and places I went.
Still wanting to feel young and relive those times
Heading into my sixties, it can only be a dream
Now all I have to look back on is the memories
and the smells of yesteryears past.
work in progress
Jul 2019 · 318
The Truck
In the early morning hours of a crisp foggy November
Driving down the dusty road a few weeks before December

Noticed a truck from a distance not moving with lights on
Driving closer  I noticed a person sitting, hours before dawn

Got out of my truck and walked up to the drivers' side to check
Only to be terrified to find out that this guy died in a wreck.

Finding no skid marks on the road
The victim probably never slowed

A guy hit a tree head-on and instantly died
I ran back panicking to my truck to hide.

His face was not a face it was mangled
Torn up in cut glass and his nose dangled

Never reported the accident to the police
After seeing this I wanted some peace

Later in the day, a newspaper was delivered
The man who died, I knew and I shivered

Not realizing it was my friend
I knew it was that person's end

Too drunk to call on the authorities
Not wanting to be arrested was my priority

The man was already deceased
At that time he needed a priest

I read in the newspaper the guy died on impact
Wasn't worried since the cause of death was a fact

Never forget that horrible blustery day
That I was drunk and walked away

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Copyright 2019
Jul 2019 · 99
Grandma's Quilt
On my grandparents farm I recall
laying in the grass on the quilt that grandma made
looking up through the breezy tree's to the blue skies and bright sun
Summer half over, getting close to harvest time
The grandparents are walking through their fields of corn
Uncle sitting on the tractor under a shady tree sipping at some lemonade
My aunt is sitting on the porch swing drinking some pop, resting after
cleaning out the Smokehouse.
The cows standing outside the fence looking at me as if I'm going to entertain them.
a work in progress
A decoy friend, baited, lured it's unwitting
The latest victim to prepare for an ambush
Lurking in the shadows, but hiding in plain sight,
Observing from below to organize for apprehension
Anxious to terrorize its prey, with their boon companions
Using my notions of long ago, of unspoken content
Reveals it's  deceiving affirmation, pursuing instruments
Distributed to others to use against me
A sham of being pristine, weeping tears that aren't real
A deceiver of her spoken words,
That her followers always believe
A professional charlatan, a trickster  
Pursuing its prey, while pretending to be a victim
Always having to have total dominance
Living well on administration prosperity
With her trio of  illegitimate offspring of dissimilar fathers

Copyright 2019
all rights reserved.
Feb 2019 · 311
Burdens of Time
I have always wished that someone would say
Please let me help,  I will take your pain away

For many years I've been in mental anguish
Mother's insults made me want to vanish

I live in a prison that is in my mind  
This I know because, I'm deeply entwined

You've carried a heavy burden, for so many years
Being a single parent of an ill child can bring many tears

In my late fifty's things have never changed
Because of my mother, my family is estranged

copyright 2019
all rights reserved
Jan 2019 · 204
You made me feel guilty when I liked something
Kept me isolated from my sister, and other family
Told lies on me so society would hate me
Controlled me so that I'd act around others the way you planned
Sent me away to be fixed, because you said I was broken.
Pretended you cared, but that was just an act
Confused, scared and left me feeling insecure
Made me feel unwanted, not important and in your way
You called me names, ignored me and made demands
Drank and blamed it on me, but hid it from others
You were never a good mother because you abused me everyday of my life.
But you were the one who came out smelling like a rose
While I continue to suffer under your lies.

Copyright 2019
All rights reserved
Jan 2019 · 170
The Enemy Within
My Enemy lies within me
I've learned to hate myself
for who I am, and who I am not
dreams that were never born and others, shot down by my mother.
never being good enough, something about me was very bad.
others were better, smarter and deserved happiness when I did not.
dependent on her as she encouraged,  lied to others of my demands
Mothers words are poison, toxic, filled and spewing destruction
Though she's gone, those words are still heard inside my head at everything I do.
haunted by her choice of words, using them on myself daily hearing her anger inside my head

copyright Jan 23, 2019
all rights reserved
I love you with all my heart, and you are okay.
Instead I heard will you forever go away?

I will look out for you. You are safe. I am here for you,
Instead she always made me feel sad and feel blue

Mother only taught me how to spend money
Never how to save, she thought that was funny

Loved to see when in my life I was in a bad place
Just another reason to tell family I was a disgrace

In my family, mother did so much damage
Looks like every things to her advantage

The lies she told on me to others were in her favor
When in truth my mother was really the betrayer

I am a prisoner of her actions
and she loved the satisfaction

Because this was her power
That would make me cower

She could control me like a puppet
While things in my life would plummet

She convinced others that I was very bad
So I'd have no one, this made her glad

Bad things in my life she said were always my fault
But abuse she put on me would never come to a halt

I'm still living in the shadows of her abuse
Even though I live far away, I am a recluse

Not a day or night goes by that I don't hear in my head
All those many unkind words to me she always said

Copyright Jan 6, 2019
all rights reserved
Christmas isn't always joyful for everyone
Many are homeless, ill and in need of care
Ignored by those who are always happy
No one wants to be burdened with sorrow
It's better to visit with those who make you happy
Because problems are that persons fault
So it's best not to get involved
They could have a mental illness
Staying in your cozy life
Don't step out of the circle
Is a way to pretend that all things are good
While the rest of the world needs attention

Copyright 2018
all rights reserved
Dec 2018 · 265
Another year of Christmas to spend alone
It's supposed to be the happiest time of the year
But my only memories of Christmas past are sorrowful
Mother was never happy, and would rather drink
She'd sit and pout and make me feel guilty.
Just another Christmas that I ruined she'd say
I believed it was my fault, and wondered why I was like this
Trying to make things nice for my child, and hide the tears
Nothing is as bad as repeating the mistakes my mother made
But I keep thinking of the hell that I lived through every year

Copyright 2018
all rights reserved
still working on
Christmas is upon me, it's just another year
that I  am reminded of the past, and I sit in tears

Everything was supposed to be about, fun, parties and shopping
While my mother sat pouting in her chair, yelling and drinking

If I wasn't so bad, she'd say, we could go visiting others
But I was the one who always had to deal with my mother

You didn't act as I expected you to when you opened your gift
She'd run off to her room, pretending to cry because she was miffed

I'd then take each gift and go to her room and unwrap them slowly
& tell her how much I liked it, and she always made me feel lowly.

She said "You ruined another Christmas, when it was for you nice
The way you are, some day you will pay for your deeds the price

Copyright 2018
all rights reserved
working on still
Dec 2018 · 1.9k
Invisible Scars
I'm scarred from the inside out, with bruises that have no color
hidden tears from years of pain,
a lump in my throat  the size of Mt. Everest
No one knows my pain, no one cares
Each day in my head I hear my abusers voice telling
me I'm no good and calling me names.
This life I did not choose, I was born to my abuser
It's all I know, It's all I hear, I know no different.
These days will never end, and the pain will  never go away.
I must pretend that everything is okay, because that's how others want me to be.

Copyright 2018
All rights reserved
in progress
Dec 2018 · 2.1k
Attention Needed
I cried because you rejected me
and lied because I was afraid of you
I hit myself to get attention and scratched myself to release pain
I cut myself  because there was no where to turn
You told me I was bad and called me names
you convinced others I was no good, and kept me from my only sibling
You never hugged,you never kissed, You never said you loved me
I ran away because I was miserable, you were drunk all the time.
Fell into the wrong crowd,  because I was hungry for attention.
I learned everything the hard way, you only taught me that I was bad, and I believed I was, for a very long time.
My inner self is numb and slowly dies each day. Today there is still no one to listen, no one to love, and no one to care.
Everyone thinks you were the best parent and feels sorry
for you because of me.
I used to wonder why I was so bad, now I know that I'm not to blame, but I am the one having to live with the damage a mother caused her child.

Copyright 2018
All rights reserved
still working on
Sep 2017 · 2.9k
Stolen Identity
From a young age, I always felt stifled
I wasn’t allowed to be me so I was muffled

Mother insisted at my school I be held back in first grade
Principal said no, she insisted and in her hands he played

She said I'd be better off ******* because someone could do something with me then
Because the way I was, I was unable to learn, refused directions again and again

Mother said I came from a loving caring family that I treated terrible
I just don't know how to appreciate, and made others lives unbearable.

Being me was really not acceptable
So I always felt quite skeptical

Everything I did, wanted to do, said or liked
Was considered bad, wrong, sinful and disliked

My having fun was not allowed
For I’d embarrass them in a crowd

I never knew what I was allowed to do
Because of that I never really had a clue

Never knowing what to do, say or how to act
Since all my actions against me were attacked

My mother said one thing to me and did another
I knew she favored others over me so why did I bother?

My entire life has been quite a farce
Attention I wanted from her were sparse

Always pretending to be such an outstanding mother
To impress the friends and family she shouldn’t bother

Mother said I couldn't work because I can’t get along with anybody
Making me dependent on her in every way, she said I was shoddy.

While mother was pretending to me that she really loved me
She was going around bashing me to any family she’d see

I’d complain that other family members treated me bad
She said all you  do is cause trouble and make me mad

If you could just grow up and learn to behave
Then everyone would be nice and about you rave

I trusted my mother when she said I was born bad, told her I  see
She asked the doctor for help but said nothing was wrong with me.

Mother spoke with fork tongue;  sold me out, lied to me constantly
Leaving me to wonder how to survive without her cautiously

I'm afraid to have fun, I'm always afraid someone will be cranky
When I did things I'd pay for it because mom would be very angry

Afraid to be me, don't know how to act, who I am, or what to do.
Today I feel the same and for that reason I will always be blue

At the age of almost 60 I'm finding out things were never my fault
I'd like to take all those bad feelings, and lock them in a vault

Copyright 2017
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Aug 2016 · 1.2k
Prisoner of a Narcissist
I'm alive though all the years of abuse, but I've not been able to truly "LIVE" because my head is full of fog, confused and don't know who I am. Suffering from anxiety and depression. I live in a prison, in my mind.

I look out the window from above and see others conversing with neighbors, thinking why can't I be more outgoing? Why can't I let loose?

These walls I've built around me are like a chain around my neck as a dog has around their neck and can only go so far in any direction.

The harmful words from my narcissistic mother for many years has destroyed who I could have been, what I wanted to be, and where I wanted to go.

Those words don't go away, they never die, and are embedded deep in every fiber of my being. Those words are who I am, what I do and where I go.

Thats my life every day, every second, every minute, every hour.

Copyright 2016
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Jul 2016 · 388
She's such a loser because she hasn't  worked for  many years
Her  PTSD from years of abuse has caused her many tears

The family turned their backs on her  because she was different
She  used to go out with boys and do drugs and she's insignificant

Far from perfect she'll admit, but lack of guidance is how you would describe her
It’s been the same for years; people tell her to get over it and be happy

A bad temper rude and bluntness is all she knows
Never had anyone to teach her or show

She never wanted her life to be this way,
People don’t like her and shy away

She's almost sixty and still a burden to society
Others  she wants to know that this causes her anxiety

No family to visit her,  she keeps to herself and stays inside
In her tiny apartment near the train tracks where she still resides.

Her parents, both narcissistic always like things in their favor
But all the abuse and neglect for years is all they ever gave her
Jul 2016 · 319
Its coming down in sheets, or in buckets.
Like Niagra Falls it doesn't seem to
want to stop.
Splat, Splat Splat when it hits the ground because
it's coming down so quickly and fierce.
Taking a break you can hear the rain slowing
down to a slow pace, and then a trickle.

Here it comes again fast and fierce.
Like there is no end.

Not a sound now, not even the
birds are making a noise.

I am hearing thunder in the distance
but still no rain can I hear.

The rain comes again, only not
so rapid it's a constant shower
only not as heavy as before.
I can still hear the splat splat splat
as the rain hits its target.

It's not done with us yet as
the radar shows a huge
mass over our city.

It's just another rainy, wet,
steamy hot day, the rain has
done little to cool things
off, even in late July.

The rain has unleashed another
heavy downpour, I hear echoes
of thunder in the distance.

Sounds like the roar of a train in the
If April showers
bring May flowers, what does
July floods bring in August?

The rain is very heavy again I can hear big
drops on the roof and some are hitting the window
with such force.It's not hail, it's just massive rain drops
falling from the sky, leaving puddles in the grass from
the constant falling downpour.

I hear drips hitting the ceiling coming
from the roof, soon it will be coming through
the ceiling, but we will have to see during
the next heavy downpour.

The rain is moving out
the clouds are rolling back
the sun is peaking through
I can hear the birds once again.

Copyright 2016
All rights reserved.
Still working on.
Jul 2016 · 396
Dark and Stormy
Dark and Stormy
Sitting on my grandparent's porch in a swing, I see the pretty blue sky and the puffy clouds are mixing with gray, making it a slate blue color, and I start to see the trees sway
Hear the pounding of thunder and then I see a streak of lightening flash across the sky.
The rain starts coming down in buckets and hits the Tin roof making it sound like marbles are being tossed all about, and overflows the gutters making huge puddles in the mud.
Jun 2016 · 1.2k
The Smell of Rain
The sun is surrounded by puffy clouds
Wind is blowing leaves around
I smell rain in the air and feel
Tiny drops hit my skin
The rain falls slowly
and the wind picks up
and the rain is now heavy
with rumbles of thunder in the
The heavy rain smacks the leaves as
it's hurled to the ground.
It's falling fast and the water
plummets into pools of muddy
water making a splash that
smacks the ground.
Rain on the tin roof sounds like
pebbles hitting the metal.
The rain slows down and you
can hear the cars passing by
hitting the water that splashes their

(Still working on)
Dec 2015 · 559
You're never to old to believe, and never too old to be happy.
It's the little things in life that are mostly free that mean so much.
You don't have to be rich, don't have to live a certain place
and a high income is not necessary.
You just have to believe, believe is hope, hope is promise
that your heart will be happy.
I've never been so happy as to when I can come/stay home.

Copyright 2015
All Rights Reserved
Dec 2015 · 953
The Missing Jacket
Once had a very good close caring friend
I thought the great times would never end

My boyfriend and I visited him habitually everyday
For many movies we watched, and games we’d play

One night my boyfriend left his gray jacket, I went to retrieve it so he wouldn’t worry
I returned to our friends to pick it up, have a short visit so I could leave in a hurry

When I arrived my good friend was acting very odd, very strange
I gave him a big hug and I could feel in him, there was a change

This wasn’t like him, and I felt in my mind I should leave
He seemed out of character , and I felt of doom and grief

We visited in his garage, which was also not normal
It was just an unannounced trip, it wasn’t to be formal

I noticed when I stepped in all this red paint he had spilled on the floor and ceiling
My thoughts of dread and darkness, I had stumbled in on was quite a scary feeling

As we were talking, he started slowly pulling down each blind.
I felt like I was a trapped animal, but I kept quiet in my mind

Soon, I heard a noise like a crying cat behind boxes, and I heard something fall
He said it was his cat that was playing nothing to worry about, wasn’t anything at all.

I cleared my voice and then said all of a sudden, well I must go soon
That my boyfriend was waiting for me, and it was almost noon.

He said you’re right, I know how he gets when you’re not on time  
I gave him a hug and hurriedly left, didn’t want to impose on his chime.

I left quickly without the gray jacket, and I really didn’t care
Just wanted to leave, there no more words for me to share

Two days later we read in the paper with fear
Our friend was arrested, that had been so dear

He was arrested for ****** and ****
The fear of reading this we could not escape

Fearing we’d soon be contacted by the authorities
We didn’t talk about this to anyone, it was a priority

No one ever contacted us, and we were quite relieved
This is the story that my grand-kids will never believe.

I always wondered if I had disturbed him that day
And if I could have been next, if I decided to stay

Many years later, I will never tell exactly
Just glad that it’s over and I feel quite lucky

Copyright 2015
All rights reserved.
The Missing Jacket
Once had a very thoughtful and close caring friend
I thought the great times with him, would never end

My boyfriend and I visited him frequently everyday
For many movies we watched and games we’d play

One night my boyfriend left his gray jacket, I said I’d retrieve it so he wouldn’t worry
I returned the next day to pick it up, and have a short visit so I could leave in a hurry

When I arrived, my good friend was acting very odd, very strange
Then I saw him, I gave him a big hug, and in him I could feel a change

This wasn’t like him, and I felt in my mind I should leave
He seemed out of character, and I felt of doom and grief

We visited in his garage, which was also not normal
It was just an unannounced trip, it wasn’t to be formal

I noticed when I stepped in all this red paint he had spilled on the floor and ceiling
My thoughts of dread and darkness, I had stumbled in on was quite a scary feeling

As we were talking, he started slowly pulling down each blind.
I felt like I was a trapped animal, but I kept calm in my mind

Soon, I heard a noise like a crying cat behind boxes, and I heard something heavy fall
He said it was his cat that was playing nothing to worry about, wasn’t anything at all.

I cleared my voice and then said all of a sudden, well I must go soon
That my boyfriend was waiting for me, and it was almost noon.

He said you’re right, I know how he gets when you’re not on time  
I gave him a hug and hurriedly left, didn’t want to impose on his chime.

I left quickly without the gray jacket, and I really didn’t care
Just wanted to leave, there no more words for me to share

Saw my boyfriend later that night and told him I didn’t pick up his jacket
I felt things weren’t right with our friend and my thought was to sack it.

He said, that’s fine for now, I’m sure you just misunderstood him
I will call him in a few days and, or will see him soon at the gym

Two days later we read in the paper with fear
Our friend was arrested, that had been so dear

He was arrested for ****** and for ****
The fear of reading this we could not escape

Fearing we’d soon be contacted by the authorities
We didn’t talk about this to anyone, it was a priority

My boyfriend told me not to speak of this to anyone
He said to leave if you hear this kind of talk has begun

We didn’t know he had a girlfriend
He never dated on any weekend

No one ever contacted us, and we were quite relieved
This is the story that my grand-kids will never believe.

I always wondered if I had disturbed him that day
And if I could have been next, if I decided to stay

Many years later, I will never tell exactly
Just glad that it’s over and I feel quite lucky
Dec 2015 · 717
I had a very close friend that once disappeared
She'd gone missing a long time, for many years

Fled one night to another state far away
And hid incognito somehow to stay

She left suddenly with her tow-headed daughter and boyfriend
Leading me to wonder of our long and happy friendship end

Informing her parents not ever to reveal  
Not even to her closest friend, I'd appeal

To me or anyone,  for where she had gone
Have to be content without her and be alone

Never knew what made her leave
I knew only that I would grieve

But years later I can only imagine
Looking back on my tearful reaction

That she was fleeing for her life
Wondering whatever was the strife

Something she must have said or done
That would cause her to be on the run

She showed up one day back at her home
Underneath a secret silence of a dome

That she had abandoned, just as she
Would return to talk and visit with me

As she had never left, and I was not to ask
for I would always have that painful task

Of wondering where, when and why
My friend took off and never said good- bye

To this day I will never know
As that was forty years ago

I haven’t seen her since I moved away
Now I'm older, close to home I stay

Never kept in contact with her much after that
Feeling something was lost when we’d chew the fat

Starting my life in a brand new city, state, and town
With a husband, child and years ahead the road down

Why she fled I will never learn
But no longer today will I yearn

Copyright 2015
All rights reserved
True Story poem
Aug 2015 · 547
My Sisters Closet
An awesome place at which you will want to stop
The Closet is a charming little posh Shoppe

Come meet the staff and all the volunteers
They will gladly help you and are very sincere

They have countless apparel and lovely dress suits
Stunning hats to trendy shoes, purses and boots

There is never a dull moment at the closet
Everyday there are many clothing deposits

Assistants who sort, steam, hang and tag
Life at My Sisters Closet is never a drag

Boundless deals numerous times a year
Continuously makes you want to cheer

Several dozen bridal gowns and vivid color dresses
Your chosen style no doubt will be quite impressive

We’d love for you to come donate, visit or buy
Please come before six, now don't be shy!

Copyright 2015
All Rights Reserved
Feb 2015 · 4.5k
The Narcissistic Mother
Mother always called me the devil child
She said I was  loud, destructive and wild

Parents told sister I was bad and she didn't ever have to play with me
Much time alone was no fun, however for some friends I did make a plea

I'd beg for my mothers attention, she'd run off to her room crying,
Yelled for my dad to come get me, because to her I was very trying

I heard my mother double dog dare my father to hit me
Mother would refer to me as a **** in front of the family

When I was very young mother once said “I’ll ****** you in cold blood”
Today mother said “you’re crazy, I’d never say that to a child, you are crud”

Nothing I did would ever please my mother
Gifts I bought her were tossed in the gutter

All my cousins were smart, while I was failing all my classes in school
Got into many fights with bullies and teachers who were always cruel

My family would all make fun of me, call names bully and teased
I was the loser that anyone could do or say what they pleased

None of my cousins was I ever allowed with to play
Was always much of the time alone every and all day

I lived in a strange way my dad was very to the T religious
And my mother was always drunk and of course blameless

She’d drink when home from work, on the weekends or holidays
And could always hide it from all her friends and the relatives

No one believed me when I told them that she had been drinking
They acted like I was crazy by then I knew what they were thinking

Mother took me out Friday's to eat and buy what I wanted, after work
Last stop, the liquor store for drink and smoke, was left in car like a ****

Mother would always drive with me while she was drunk
I knew she'd been drinking because she smelled like a skunk

Bought games that took two to play, parents never had any intention  
Of spending time with me, I was a bad child needing intervention

If I didn’t act a certain way when opening all my very expensive Christmas gifts
She’d pout, leave, and I’d have to open my gifts alone because I’d created a rift

Wasn't  perfect I admit;  ran off when 16 regret parents sent me away,
Came for counseling I complained about moms drinking, she felt angry

Said drinking not my problem, she’d return when I could face the truth
Never could admit wrongdoing, everything was because I was a youth

Home from school one day mom was passed out on  floor drunk
Called 911 her Dr blamed me and said no visit,  he called me a punk

My dad arrived home, find she was throwing up while passed out in bed
He'd take bowls put them near her mouth to catch it,  something I'd dread

He’d walk to the bathroom, empty the bowl and go back to get the next one to do the very same
And replace the unfilled one repeat the process.  I was told by her doctor that I was the blame

Sometimes mom would run down the hall to the toilet bowl throw up then my heart would race
Because I always knew mom would do this and then she’d come to room to scare rant and pace

Since I was a badly spoiled child who had parents with money, nice house cars and good jobs
And I was not willing to help out or be responsible, was told I made the family look like slobs

My sister let her boyfriend talk her into letting him take me to dentist, instead, he molested me
No one believed me because in the past I had lied about things, and the truth no one would see

I was different all the cousins, my aunts and uncle could blame me when things went missing
Or went wrong I was then and still am now the perfect scapegoat yes about it I’m still babbling

My father ran out the back door when he heard me wake up and come out of my room
So he didn't have to  bother with me, I wanted to spend time with him he’d assume

Somehow I managed to graduate from high school and I then would move
To a different city, I felt I might have better luck and my life would improve.

Married two very bad guys both who drank, beat me and verbally abused
Divorced them both and had one child and how I’d raise this child alone I was confused.

Moved into an apartment I still today about it rave
Mother always referred to it as a little dark damp cave

Things I wanted my mother to do with me she would say no
But wouldn't turn down a chance with other family to go

But this home where I've written articles, poetry that's been published
Most of the things I've written, mother has said they are mostly *******

Tried to work and go to school never was competent enough to follow through
Each time I would start either I did not have the ability to complete anything new

My daughter grew up, became ill with a repeating debilitating disease
I dedicated myself to getting her well, and nothing about it was a breeze

Had to take her in pain for doctor visits many times she’d cry and wished she were dead
This broke my heart with no family help, just her and I to face things in the years ahead

Unable to attend school for years, the doctor signed permission to stay home
School system assigned a teacher who was mean nothing about her was tome

School Social workers interfered
And my name they smeared

She finally one day went into remission
And now the Nephrotic kidney condition

Seems, for now, to have forever gone for good away
For years it’s been don’t want others to downplay

For a while, I home schooled her and the first semester back in the public school
She was on the honor roll things seemed to be looking up and I felt like I was the rule

Then one day she lost interest in classes, homework, and attending
And the principal of the high school was calling and threatening

Took her out of school and put her in to get her GED
Then  she was soon graduated within month of three

A year before she was supposed to graduate
I knew by then that I was doing things right

Enrolled me and her in community college we made the Dean’s list and no student loan debt
Last May she and I graduated have a new life now I don’t feel things in my life are a threat

Alone I’ve raised a good child, published a book and kept things together
I’ve published some poetry and stories in that will be on web pages forever

Even though my parents have helped me out once in a while financially
I feel lack of respect since they helped family who treated me crummy

I’m still feeling and have most of the hopeless thoughts when I was young
I still try to steer my daughter to be different from me and hold my tongue

Sister divorced husband for molesting children told kids I was bad
Lives in my town and over 20 years never talked, by her, I've been had

I think it's because my parents never would face reality or admit
To any wrong doing of years of abuse, something I couldn't forget

Mother has disowned me going to court to remove my name
Because she said I've caused her embarrassment and shame

I'm damaged goods, only go to doctor and for groceries to shop
I hide inside and on computer, write stories and poems till I drop

Why am I talking about this after all these years still?
Because I think that it may just possibly help me to heal

Looking back I find so many things have not been my fault
But I still feel many days like I'm the only one under assault.

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Am not proud of this but I had 30 jobs that I lost in 10 years and even tried going to college
Unable to remember how and when to do things, my head from years of abuse was in a fog
Dec 2014 · 969
The Puzzle Piece
Piece of the Puzzle
Never found where the piece fit in
Every which way it was turned
There was never a way it would
Match up with the others
All the other pieces had a home
And seemed to belong
But one was out of place
There was no room for this
Other pieces rejected
Merging together
Filling in that empty space
The lost puzzle piece couldn’t fill
As it seemed they didn’t
Change shape for the other
To fill in the empty space
Didn’t want to help
The piece to fit in
It is out there all alone
And tossed aside
Because no one wanted
The puzzle piece

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Sep 2014 · 788
Snow Wonderful Snow
Snowflakes look like powdered sugar to put on your French toast
Gather to make Snow Cream add milk, vanilla and sugar
Under the scope it looks like shaped etched ice crystals
Put colored flavoring on it and make it a Snow Cone
Lay down and make a Snow Angel, build it up and make a snow fort
Too much makes a blizzard for snow days too little makes a dusting

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Sep 2014 · 678
Stormy Night
The dark clouds are rolling in quickly, wild wind blows fast and fiercely
Many leaves and twigs start twirling around and circling
Feeling like Edgar Allen Poe, In the distance I can hear some echo's
Of many dog's barking in the distance, at this very instance
I hear the blaring whistle of a train and heavy sounds of pouring rain
Sitting on my bed feeling cozy and warm just enjoying the thunderstorm

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Jan 2014 · 1.1k
Polar Vortex
Severe Siberian shivery stinging
Below freezing, bitter, bleak, brisk
Painful, penetrating piercing
Frigid frosty frore
Icy intense inclement

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Jan 2014 · 792
Stuck inside for quite a few days
After the sky hurled down the ice, snow and freezing rain
Leaving bitter-cold temperatures that are quite frightening to hear
All the news reports suggest “staying inside and being safe”
I've decided to spend the days reading some on my collection of books
On presidents such as Lincoln, Truman, and Kennedy.
Sifting through information I've received of  family stories and genealogy
Writing letters to an old home-bound friend in another state named Dot
Sipping hot chocolate and Cinnamon toast by the roaring fireplace

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Really I’m sitting by a cold sliding glass door wearing two sets of clothes writing this free-verse poem.
Jan 2014 · 825
At a stand still
Our town has shut down
It’s much like a ghost town

All the businesses are closed
No one wants to be exposed

To painful temperatures way below zero
Our weatherman called it temps of subzero

The streets are empty of cars as we have come to know
But filled quite thick and wide with sheets of ice and snow

The storm has knocked out the power to so many
Everyone stay inside and play games with Aunt Jenny

Power lines are weighted down with the ice
The lights keep flickering, and this isn't nice

My house is creaking and moaning from this cold
But the heat inside is on high and, up I'm holed

Glad to be where it’s nice and warm as toast
For supper I plan potatoes, carrots and a Roast

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Jan 2014 · 2.3k
The Bulldog of Bergen
Won boxing matches with Lewis , Lasky, Corn Griffin, Swiderski,
Then many more titles with Griffiths, Farr, Stillman, and Levandowski,

Jackson, Caggiano, Darnell and Dobson
Something he could tell his grandson

His greatest match of all was the title he earned against Max Baer
The fight was the ultimate win at Gardens of Madison Square

A very passionate man for his wife and children he went to great lengths
To keep his family together during the depression, even in times of brink

Served honorably in WWII as a 1st Lieutenant
Owned a surplus supplier of marine equipment

Helped to construct the bridge Verrazano
It was the proud city’s beautiful Picasso

Gone is Jim Braddock, a movie about him, CINDERELLA MAN to be sure he’s not forgotten
His Granddaughter Rosemarie Dewitt  played his neighbor Sara Wilson, who was downtrodden

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Dec 2013 · 544
The Blind Walk
Wondering through life blindly
Looking for resolutions, that will certainly never come
With no real direction, assurance or assistance
Roaming aimlessly about through life
Drifting here and there and to and fro
Walking down dark hallways with no exits
Stuck in a maze of divided paths and many dead ends
Wanting to stay on the straight and narrow path
That many have followed with much success
I find myself taking paths with no real meaning
Those that always end up at a brick wall or
Closed doors that might not ever open
Never finding a meaning to my life or place in society
Being neither happy, nor sad just feeling a bit drab

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Dec 2013 · 2.3k
A Four day concert, created by Roberts, Rosenman,  Kornfeld, and Lang
Was originally supposed be a three-day  music festival, and up it sprang

But the citizens of citizens of Wallkill, N.Y. did not want their nice quiet town filled
With drugged up hippies that would overrun, and with this idea they were not thrilled

With many battles and protests, Wallkill passed a law on July 2, 1969 banning
The would be concert from going forward leaving the town quite less enchanting

Almost not getting off the ground, hippies all over demanding refunds for their tickets
Stepping forward, Max Yasgur offered his 600-acre dairy farm so no one would picket

The new location for the Woodstock Festival would be Bethel, New York
No one from the other town would not have complaints or come uncorked

Despite the many problems of people threatening to quit
Woodstock got off the ground despite things still being chit

This concert was poorly planned with two major setbacks, as news spread that it was free
There were congestion of cars that policeman had to turn away, for as far as one could see

Organizers lost huge amounts of money while hippies walked through gates without paying
But it was estimated that 500,000 people made it to the concert and they came in swaying

The music seemed to play non-stop as people sat and listened and some would play
It was very muddy from all the rain of what it did from much of the concert everyday

Listening to greats such as Creedence Clearwater Revival, Santana, Jimi Hendrix, Sweetwater
Can’t forget, Grateful Dead, Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young, Jefferson Airplane and Ten Years After

The concert ended and picking up the pieces began, that wasn't just the trash that was left behind
It was the lawsuits that many filed against the organizers since beginning to end put many in a bind

The greatest music festival in history later put to a movie that is divine
Something that will forever be talked about from the summer of 1969

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Dec 2013 · 531
Time is frozen for those who wait
Time is like a jet for those who enjoy
Time is precious for those who are old
Time is everlasting for those who are young
Time is money for those in businesses
Time is waiting for this or for that
Time can be a friend or an enemy
Time is on our hands for some
Time is running out for others
Time Tick Time Tock Time will Tick Tock Tick Tock
The hours very quickly slipping away on my clock

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Dec 2013 · 298
A place to go for eight to ten hours
Once in a while a dream creeps in
Enjoy the time of the short lived
Adventure and pretend you are
There and have a good time
Wishing you could go back
Or that there was really a place
A dream could be bad
You seem to be stuck
Trying to run and scream
But no avail then you’re
Paralyzed and try to awake
Just then the alarm goes off
And now you know you’re safe

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Dec 2013 · 1.8k
So pretty to see everything in white

Making all things look very bright

Everything was covered for as far as I could see

Nothing but eerie silence for a while I felt free

Everyone venturing out should wear their snowshoes

Their cars stranded on the road look like icy igloos

The weighted down evergreens have a glow

For they are beautifully blanketed with snow

Schools, roads and businesses are shut down

And no one is allowed out about in the town

Should get out and have some winter wonderland fun

Build a snow man and go sledding some

Make a snow fort or  snow angels and snow-cream

Better hurry up before it's plowed, for now, it’s not a dream

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Dec 2013 · 769
The Kennedy's
Joe and Rose’s Children

Joseph’s plane was shot down near England during  WWII
John was assassinated in 1963 of November Twenty-Two

Rose Marie Mary had a lobotomy because she was acting aggressively
Kathleen, wed Wm J Robt Cavendish and she later died unexpectedly

Eunice married a great man,  Lieutenant  Robert S. Shriver
Patricia wed actor Peter Lawford, their marriage wasn't forever

Robert wed Ethel Skakel, he was another that was assassinated
Jacqueline Bovier felt sure that the Kennedy’s might be hated

Married to Stephen Edward Smith
Jean was wed to him until his death

Edward (Ted) late one night drove off a bridge at Chappaquiddick
Reporting the next day about Mary Jo Kopechne was quite horrific

Ted was married twice, first to Virginia Joan Bennett  1958–1982
And then next until his death Victoria Anne "Vicki" Reggie too

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Dec 2013 · 852
I love all the preparation

For December celebration

The office and school parties

Gifts for those you can’t deny

Sending cards and buying wrapping paper

It’s all just to prevent jealousy and anger

Now to the family you'll agree it’s time

To pick up that tree and make it chime

With lights shining on branches and colorful wrapped packages under the tree

Don’t forget the Nativity scene and color wheel don’t you feel a bit of glee?

Great care is taken to wrap presents and decorate

All for the day when the relatives and family aggravate

Soon another year will be out of the way

And then the Christmas bills come to stay

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Dec 2013 · 698
Success is measured in many a way

Because you have lots of money they say

Or because you have an education

From a good college with accreditation

Maybe that you have a great paying job

That just makes your heartthrob

And a beautiful home in a safe neighborhood

That you have wanted since you were in childhood

But others have obstacles tossed at them in their life

Find it much harder to complete because of their strife

So when they have overcome such things as, abuse, poverty, or a disability

When they reach the goal that they are seeking we should all act accordingly

They’ve had to work harder, longer and have had many daily struggles and little comfort

Their stories of success are greater since most don’t have family to count on for support

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Nov 2013 · 644
Thanksgiving Memories
What I love most about Thanksgiving
I can look back and remember
The many years’ of great times
Our family had sitting around
The old folks beautiful oblong  maple table
After we’d stuffed ourselves full of grandma’s
delicious cooking, when my Grandparents &
great grandparents were still alive to tell the
wonderful stories of their long past youth
Those are memories I have always cherished the most

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Nov 2013 · 738
A Thanksgiving Poem
It’s a time for giving thanks
Not just time to stuff your tanks

Many won’t have the traditional
Of having a meal that is nutritional

Some won’t have the Turkey and all the trimmings
Most will have those meals lest brimming

Even if they are finding meals to be less fulfilling
They will just be grateful to have enough food to be enjoying

Others might not have a bite, and will be forgotten
This holiday season, to see that others aren't downtrodden

With those who are happy to just have what they need
while others are lavished with greed.  

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Nov 2013 · 444
Memories of good times
A thought of long ago
Music reminds you of
A time that has passed
Scents that spark a recollection
Of something happy years past
Longing to relive those good
Times of yesteryear

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Nov 2013 · 959
Freezing Fog
Time is still
a frigid air "ice age"
the world has frozen
In its own tracks
Icy dense fog that
Clogs the atmosphere
From the highest mountain top
To the depths of an ocean
For a time
Everything is
Everything is
And everything is

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Nov 2013 · 2.4k
Walking through the woods at night
Not sure where I’m at
The darkness I’m looking into
Is  overpowering
A faint light from the sky
peaks shyly through the blackness.
But not sufficient for me
To see where I am going
Paralyzed with fear
I don’t know what’s
Hiding in the darkness
Eerie silence all around
I’m gasping for air
Because I can’t breathe
I’m consumed by the fear
of what I don’t know.
That lies ahead

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Nov 2013 · 479
Soaked trees from the rain

and fallen leaves, that cover paths

lined with glowing pumpkins

Houses with dimly lit porch lights

and Halloween decorations

welcome youngsters of all ages

Children running amok

dressed as their favorite character

and yelling 'Trick or Treat"!

  Hoping for a good haul of candy

As they run up to each door.

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Nov 2013 · 609
November 22, 1963
My mother had just put me down for a nap

And was folding clean diapers on her lap

When Cronkite broke in on her show

And announced for everyone to know

That JFK had been shot in Dallas

He didn't want to be callous

Soon Cronkite would announce

The death of Kennedy he pronounced

My parents for many days were  inconsolable

As this tragedy to the world was quite horrible

All this had happened and it was quite fast

News was coming and it was constant and vast

My father’s birthday that day was to be celebrated

But my parents agreed it would have to be belated

The world had just changed and in shock and everyone remained

No one could speak and it seemed everyone was ashamed

Of what happened to our President John F. Kennedy

Who everyone thought well of and loved so dearly

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Nov 2013 · 1.4k
Went for a cruise on the maiden ship Titanic,

A wonderful ship everyone said would be epic

I was not scared because it was unsinkable

To be in fear would for me be unthinkable

Wanted to sail far away to another land

Where my life, I think could be quite grand

Unpacking my suitcase in a luxurious liner

This is the one yacht that could not be finer.  

Passengers enjoyed dinner, dancing, and music

And all the days of the trip they would frolic

I heard that people like Astor, Guggenheim Straus, Thayer and Gordon

Would be on this ship including Stead, Fulrelle, Gibson and Morgan

On April 14, 1912 I was that evening returning to my room

Walking down the corridor I heard a deafening boom

Went to find an RMS crew member

When I was told on deck to assemble

He handed me a life jacket just in case

And to get in the lifeboat because there was space

Passengers were lowered down by the crew

The first little boat had just a few

A man started quickly paddling our tiny boat

Once far away he stopped and we would just float

Everyone watched as we heard screaming, crying and yelling

Amongst the chaos we heard music and saw the flares flying

  In the early hours of April 15, the ship’s lights flickered out and then went straight up vertical

We all heard the moans of the iron and watched it break in half and it sank uncontrollable

From quite a distance I saw an ocean of people

Out in the middle of the sea, no one felt hopeful

Soon there was no sound

As we all looked around

  Shivering crying and wondering

If we going to live or die pondering

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Nov 2013 · 16.9k
Sunset Walker
Departure the welcoming light to walk slowly into the darkness

Wedged between night and day, for a split second

The splendor the Sunset Walker can see is captivating

Observing the color of the cloud's and sun's transformation

Seeing reflection transition flashed across the sky

The eyes take pictures of this wonder and describe it

So others can feel that they are walking along beside you.

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