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Sep 2017
From a young age, I always felt stifled
I wasn’t allowed to be me so I was muffled

Mother insisted at my school I be held back in first grade
Principal said no, she insisted and in her hands he played

She said I'd be better off ******* because someone could do something with me then
Because the way I was, I was unable to learn, refused directions again and again

Mother said I came from a loving caring family that I treated terrible
I just don't know how to appreciate, and made others lives unbearable.

Being me was really not acceptable
So I always felt quite skeptical

Everything I did, wanted to do, said or liked
Was considered bad, wrong, sinful and disliked

My having fun was not allowed
For I’d embarrass them in a crowd

I never knew what I was allowed to do
Because of that I never really had a clue

Never knowing what to do, say or how to act
Since all my actions against me were attacked

My mother said one thing to me and did another
I knew she favored others over me so why did I bother?

My entire life has been quite a farce
Attention I wanted from her were sparse

Always pretending to be such an outstanding mother
To impress the friends and family she shouldn’t bother

Mother said I couldn't work because I can’t get along with anybody
Making me dependent on her in every way, she said I was shoddy.

While mother was pretending to me that she really loved me
She was going around bashing me to any family she’d see

I’d complain that other family members treated me bad
She said all you  do is cause trouble and make me mad

If you could just grow up and learn to behave
Then everyone would be nice and about you rave

I trusted my mother when she said I was born bad, told her I  see
She asked the doctor for help but said nothing was wrong with me.

Mother spoke with fork tongue;  sold me out, lied to me constantly
Leaving me to wonder how to survive without her cautiously

I'm afraid to have fun, I'm always afraid someone will be cranky
When I did things I'd pay for it because mom would be very angry

Afraid to be me, don't know how to act, who I am, or what to do.
Today I feel the same and for that reason I will always be blue

At the age of almost 60 I'm finding out things were never my fault
I'd like to take all those bad feelings, and lock them in a vault

Copyright 2017
All rights reserved
lovetowritepoetry
Written by
lovetowritepoetry  In the city
(In the city)   
  2.9k
     Lior Gavra and ---
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