Oh painter oh painter show me my future because I have become blind and oh poets read me your story's because I have become deaf.

Ill paint you a picture of what I see in my head but I promise you it won't be pretty, and today is really only a future of yesterday so where is my grandpa, and oh God you've been such a great listener but I wish you could talk to me now, just talk me through this mess in my head.

I can't hold on to this when I cant hold onto my own reality, and today I think it's tomorrow but I think it's only yesterday so hold onto me but hold on tight because I can't hold onto anything.

So wait for me by the river where I cant swim because I'm already drowning so what's the difference.

I think I have a demon in my head, maybe that's why I see hell every day and maybe that's why I can't sleep.

I'm just a past pretense of what you think I am so don't set me free.

These trees set my home on fire but that's ok because I burnt their roots first, so step close to me and ill step on your toes so step close to me.

I wish I could paint you my heart so you can have a piece of me but my hands are stones so throw me in the water.

I can see my sun rise but I'm still waiting for the moon, so leave me here today because tomorrow ill be gone.

I memorize those words but no one eats at my table but everyone is starving when I'm floating in the river.

But just know this world is not my home and I will see my sun rise with the moon and ill see everything come into place, so leave me here to bloom or to rot but either way ill be set free.

Dear mother and father, I have seen through the lies of everyone I know, I've heard death's whispers as I sleep, I try to understand but leave myself with more questions.

I've tried to hide from myself so I wouldn't discover the hold that death has on me.

So dear mother and father, I wish you well, I have nothing left in this world worth living for.

I keep moving forward but I can see I'm moving backwards, I can't believe what life has become of me.

I am nothing but dirt from the ground, built to destroy myself and make the ones I love suffer around me.

If hell is real I pray for heaven to be waiting for me, If you can believe one thing believe I've been dead since birth.

So dear mother and father, take the roses from the garden and lay them on my grave, so dear lover, and brother, I hope I don't see you soon, and I hope you can forgive me.

Left with nothing but death in me, and I know one day everyone will forget me, so dear family and friends just know, I've been dead since birth.

My life is a flower in flames, and I can't blow it out.

I swing with the wind but I can't move forward, I'm sitting like a tree forever stuck in this existence.

But today I'm preparing myself to lose, because I ruin everything.

I will burn myself and watch my flesh set to flames before I see the sun rise, I'm stuck in the dark, in the midnight moon light, tonight I hope to God I don't die but ill set myself on fire like I promised.

Ill be the one to write the last page of my life, ill be the one ending my story, and ill be the one flouting in the river tonight.
But I guess the good news may be that I can't see tomorrow, I can't see tomorrow.

When will my sun rise? When will my eyes open to the light? I'm a depressing paranoid freak but I want my sun light tonight, even tho every day is night, I want my sun rise.

I guess by the end of this letter ill be gutted dry, but I guess by the time you see this ill be at my funeral, ill watch everyone cry but no one cared until now, but I guess ill be in the ground by the time you see this so I hope you visit my grave at least once.

Ill watch over you, I'll make sure you're ok, just like you didn't do for me, and I can't pretend to be more than I am, but ill show the death in me but I guess ill be rotted half way by the time you see this.

I can't embrace a new beginning because I can't control myself, so never more watch me fall at your feet and watch me embarrasses you again and again and again and again.

I hear and see this death inside of me every day, so once my flower is burnt tonight just remember, no one cared before.