I feel like a part of me has died
Now that our love has ended
But then again
It was never love at all

You used to be my best friend
I could never get enough
I used to want more from you
I loved you so much

I wanted to belong to you
I wanted you to belong to me
But ever since we tried that
I can't even think clearly

My life is such a mess
I've never felt more alone
You make me feel so sad
And like I have no one

The pain seeps from my pores
The tears escape from my eyes
In the night, I have nightmares
In which our love always dies

This does more harm than good
I don't know what to do
I really don't want to lose you
But my heart is literally torn in two

You are not my lover
You are no longer my best friend
I don't want to believe it
But this is most likely the end

I've never felt such anguish
I've never sensed so much discomfort
I will never win this war
Despite all of my efforts

I don't want to say goodbye
But it is inevitable now
I want to be free from this toxicity
I've given all my heart will allow

Sometimes, I really miss you
And missing you makes me feel like ****
Because you don't deserve to be missed
You guilt tripped me for so long
Over something I did
Over the same thing you were doing
But on a much larger scale
I can't deny that I developed strong feelings for you
Even though everything turned out to be a lie
But somewhere on the inside
Those feelings haven't managed to die
They're just buried very deep
They weigh me down and make me weak
I wish you would get over yourself
So we can come to terms with reality
And get to know each other again
We had a tragic love
And we both know deep down
That nothing can ever compare
I don't want to reach out
I have before and it filled me with more doubt
Even though it was just a sham
A scam to the purest of sorts
I wish I could go back
And relive it once more
Because I miss the feelings of passion and bliss
The feelings we shared for each other
I want your poison infiltrating my veins once more

There's no such thing as sleep
On lonely nights like these
Why do I keep trying
When no one is listening
Why do I keep breathing
When I don't seem to matter
Sick of the games people play
And the lies people tell
Betrayal in the past
Has left me wary and confused
Tired of all these thoughts
That race through my head
I sit around in torment
Never leaving my bed
Being in love comes at such a cost
You never knew that you could feel this lost
Unsure what my next move should be
All I know is that the unknown is weighing on me
I just take the bottle
Pour shot after shot
My brain is invaded with toxic poison
I'm able to sit and forget these emotions
Just a bit more should do the trick

I cannot help but think
That everybody is lying to me
I never used to have that problem
In the past, I used to have faith
In those I surrounded myself with
But lately, that isn't the case
I question everything people tell me
I question their feelings and their thoughts
I hardly ever believe the things they say
Especially the things about me
I don't believe I'm loved or wanted
I don't believe I'm interesting or worthy
Despite being told that I'm all of the above
I suppose in past relationships and mishaps
I've come to develop trust issues
Being lied to so many times by people I once held so dear
And invested the most faith and confidence in
Being betrayed by those people
When I never thought it was possible
Has ruined my chances of finding true happiness
When will I heal?
When will I restore faith in humanity?
I have a feeling personal changes need to be made
So I guess that starts today

I'm sick of the unknown
I'm dying from this occasional tension
It doesn't even feel like we're close
And all I manage to feel is apprehension
I'm expecting the worst
And praying for the best
But as I've learned in the past
Not all prayers are answered

I'm the epitome of unattractive
The definition of ugly
I have a round stomach
My legs touch
My **** sag
My hair is thin and frail
My teeth aren't pearly white
I'm pale and my eyes are shallow
Brown with no depth or color
*** is an impossible task
When there is so much fat
Separating my body from the other
*** is an impossible task
When I'm only thinking about my body
Rather than feeling the passion and heat
*** is an impossible task
When I won't allow anybody to see me
A terribly ugly body resides
Underneath the loose jeans
And oversized shirts
I'm the epitome of unattractive
I'm more than just ugly
I'm more than just fat
I'm morbidly obese
I'm disgustingly put together
Nobody could want me
There is no question
Only an answer
The answer is no
No, I am not wanted
No, I am not desired
No, I am not beautiful
No, I will never be ****
I'm the epitome of unattractive

The day I forget about you completely
Will be a blessed day
You don't deserve a space in my mind

i never wish to break your heart
i never wish to have your fragile heart
and lose it by playing a foolish game
my love for you is not a game
my feelings for you will never change
they will only grow stronger and stronger
each and every day
they will follow you
they will not go astray
i never wish to take your love for granted
i would never have you for myself
and claim another at the same time
i would never dream of sabotaging our love
i could never imagine destroying the beautiful relationship that we have created
there is nothing in this world i wouldn't do
in order to fight for our love
to fight for you
you are my true inspiration
you are my true reason
without you, i am nothing
i have nothing
i will never forsake you
i will never betray you
my love for you is not a game
it is real
the realest love i've ever felt
and i will do everything humanly possible to maintain our love
to keep us afloat
to make you happy
you are my lasting love
my beautiful angel sent from above
i will never leave you
i will never destroy you
i will never want anybody but you

we are apart for the moment
but now that i've had a taste
my taste buds are shot
i have a taste for nothing else
the fact that you're not around
is brutally killing me
i love you so much
i can barely breathe
i'm lonely without you
i'm worried about everything
you're the only person that can calm me
you're the only one with the power to make me feel better
i wish so desperately to look at you again
to feel my arms around you
to kiss your lips softly
to hold your hand
to hear your laugh
to watch you eat
i want to wake up next to you again
the days we shared together
keep replaying in my head
i'm living for the days we had
and waiting for the days we will share again
you're my everything
no matter what the distance
i will always love you

I wish to restore your innocence
And make you realize the value
Of your loving heart
Your beautiful mind
Your deep soul
And your breathtaking body
I want to get you to love
All the parts of yourself that you despise
There's a story in your eyes
One I read more into every day that we grow closer
Since you walked into my life
The sun shines a little brighter
The smell of the new spring air
Soothes me when I miss you
You're what I want to care for and love
I want to adore your body
And spoil you with chocolates and flowers
Take away your worries and your strife
Make you know that you're worth this life
You've had it so rough
I want to correct that
I'm so honored you've let me in
And opened yourself up to me
You're a light that I never want to burn out
You're the hope that has restored within me
You make my days worth the living
I want to do the same for you

My desire for you burns like the sun hitting my skin on a hot day
My thoughts about you never cease, always on like a loop in my head
I think about your lips and how they will feel against my skin
I think about the hair on your face brushing up against my neck
I think about the taste of your tongue entering my soft mouth
I want to feel your warmth
Your body around me
My body around you
I want to grip your heart in my hands and slowly heal you with every kiss
I want to touch all the tender parts of you until you are whole again
I can be your source of comfort
Your soul can fit with mine
It's hard to face the truth
But let me be the one to show you reality
I can be what you truly desire
I will be what you had, but so much more
I will be what you need on every night and every day
You will look into my eyes and know I'll never stray
I want to restore what is broken in you
So give me the chance to show
What I can do

What would you do
If I reached out to you
Not for the first time
But also not the last time
Previously, you've been cruel to me
All for no good reason
And it's made me see you differently
I wanted to think that you had a good soul
I'm hoping you prove me wrong
If I come back once more
We don't have to fight
We can keep it between ourselves
I just long to speak with you again
Know who you are, maybe become friends
It's childish to continue avoiding me
When we used to be very close
And preferred each other's company
I want to get to know you
And I'm not hesitant to try
But do you really deserve it?
All you did was lie
I'm wondering now what your reaction will be
If I try to revisit what happened between you and me
Will you attack me with anger and disdain
Will you ignore me and solely cause me more pain
Or will you answer and begin to apologize
Allow us to move on instead of dramatize
The situation at hand could be better
It's in your control and all up to you
We used to work so well together
Don't forget how you wrote me a poem or two
They were about love rather than hate and doom
I know you must think back on those days
So when I reach out I hope to find
That you've changed your ways

you make the handle look appealing
you make the bottle of pills look like the answer
what a perfect combination for death that they make together
you make me want to leave the earth
you make tears fall from my eyes at a rate they never have before
maybe on the other side things will be better
maybe on the other side you won't have all the power
call me an idiot, call me some more names
it only makes the urge grow much larger
i gulp it all down, one shot together
glass after glass
pill after pill
this is what is left of my free will
i can't live without you
so i might as well die
look what you've done to me
so young yet already saying goodbye
this is so unlike me, so unreal
but without you, life's anything but ideal
i have lost all my strength
and lost all my wits
my sense and my brain were gone forever
when you stole my heart
falling in love is such a trap
it causes more games and heartaches
and i just can't keep track
maybe this is the end
maybe this isn't
i guess it just depends on how toxic this poison is
but it's not the drugs that killed me
it was you

I'm so done with the worthless arguments
And the childish petty fights
I am finished being blamed for it all
I am not selfish
You have me wrong
I was a fool to think you'd ever be mature
The way you act like a **** on purpose
And your vindictive manner and combative spirit
Is more than a turn off
Hanging around you only brings tension
You were supposed to be my lover
You were supposed to be my best friend
Now you're just my enemy
It's exhausting trying to keep up with you
Everything is wrong, no matter what I do
You twist and turn nothing into something it was never intended to be
I'm sick of being thought of as always angry
It's just getting to be impossible to make you happy
I don't believe I can continue walking in your shadow
With your hurtful and harmful words beating down on me
Day after day
Night after night
Give it a rest already
Not everything is a fight

The thought of you makes me sick
Sicker than I've ever felt
When I think of the countless lies you told me
For months on end
When I think of how you said you loved me
Only to pull the rug right out from under me
And tell me it was all a lie
That you could never love the real me
It makes me want to *****
When I see your face
I get the urge to purge
Purge every memory of you out of my system
What you did to me will haunt you forever
You'll never forget me because I was your greatest lover
No one will treat you like I did
No one will love you like I did
You're a pathetic excuse for a human being
I knew you were troubled
But never to this extent
So troubled that you use everyone in your path
In the most extreme ways
I am the victim
And I always will be
And you will remain a nothing forever
I am sick because of you
But like any sickness
It will go away
And I cannot wait
For that day

I don't even know you
I've talked to you once
A tiny exchange of words
But I swear
You captivate me
With how you look
In my mind
I picture you being mine
The things I'd do to you
I thought I'd never do
There are other beauties in this world
You are not the only girl
But you're the only one
My eyes choose to see
You're the only one
Who has this great affect on me
I don't know your heart
I don't know your mind
But I do know your body
And I'm in love with it