and just like that;
he was gone
without warning
without sign
plain as day
in the middle of nowhere.
i wish i could tell him i still love him
or that his clothes are still on the floor.
i wish i could run my fingers through his hair
but i have this iron mouth
and i cannot talk to him.
he's been gone 7 days,
and everyday i find myself at his grave
half hearted  
empty as ever
considering my own death.

i won't ask you to save me when i start drowning in my own tears, so check my side of the bed to make sure i'm still breathing.
2. there will be days that i will not want to talk to you, please do not take it personally, my thoughts convince me that they are my only friends.
3. you are a pure work of art, no Picasso could recreate you, no Van Gogh could shade in the light of your eyes, any artist would be lucky to throw your body on a blank canvas and call it art.
4. i still listen to the mixtape you gave me in high school, i cry every time track 3 plays.
5. i will love you regardless of the consequences of this unbound love that i am oh so lucky enough to call my own, you my love, light of my life, have made me so full that the flickering no vacancy sign that i used to wear so proudly has finally been put away. you are utterly beautiful.

I was 15
it was a Sunday night,
and my curfew was 11.p.m
we slipped outside of our homes and into her 2016 Hyundai making sure to leave in minimal time keeping in mind that we had $20 and 1 phone number.
it took 6 puffs and i was no where but everywhere at once
it was the brink of happiness
it was the brink of being a teen

10 things i would like to say to my ex:
1. you really had me going for a second
2. your wounds will soon wake you
3. my mom had this perfect idea of us together, but it was never meant for me, and all you had to day was say "I love you" back.
4. i still wear your clothes, they get bigger every time i put them back in the drawer
5. my sister insisted i invite you to the wedding
6. my bipolar is getting better, i finally found the perfect way to handle it, and this time, its not the ***.
7. your mom still calls me to tell me she loves me and asks when i'll show up again
8. you don't know me like you though you did, i don't even know me
9. I'm over red-head boys, so don't come back around
10. i don't love you anymore, and i will not apologize for the epidemic of this tragic love story in which you thought i'd be the one to stay, and you'd be the one to call me weak.

I was told they found her with mascara down her cheeks, and his picture in her hand.
Allie always told me, straight faced, that she wanted to **** herself but it was never the right time.
there were too many things to get done and too many colleges to apply for.
don't worry, Allie isn't going to **** herself 20 more seconds into this poem; that's not the kind of story i'm telling here.
Allie told me, sipping codeine and sprite, that the walls were talking and that the chair was singing, but not to worry because my time wasn't over.
i didn't know what that meant at the time but i do now.
It means that despite all of the crazy **** that is happening around us, not to worry because we have not lived it all yet.
we have marks to leave on this world and Allie left hers.
it was the scar on my cheek that keeps me in remind that she fought a hard battle.
I remember when i got the call that my little Allie was 33 pills in and half a bottle out,
her life was gone and she was cold.
my whole world fell apart and i have no idea where my mind has gone.
i miss the old Allie,
she might still be here but she isn't the same.
oh how i miss her.

10: I don't think, i breathe.
9
8
7: Hold it together, the ticket to life is almost leaving.
6: We are almost gone.
5
4: Just a few more seconds and we are on...
3
2
1: My journey is almost over and my fears are almost gone. It's time to leave this life, remember me when i am gone.

i try to get rid of the pain
with other people
but ****, they aren't you.
none of them know my hills like you,
or my rivers.
none of them can outline my constellations like you can.
none of them can put my pieces together like you can;
none of them.
because they aren't you.