I have learned so much I wish others could see.
Things I never dreamed of that are now part of me.
A feminine side I would never let out,
now shines like a diamond, like sun through the clouds.

I understand feeling female, my God, I really do.
But I seem to be the only one here who cares for this move.
I'm blessed by it more than words can say,
yet I feel I'm the only one here who cares
and loves this new me, at the end of each day.

I just feel so alone, like there's no one to show,
these wonderful things that now make my heart glow.
Will they matter to my wife, or just push her away.
I remember a year ago and I'm so different today.
Do my neighbors care, as they pass by and say hi,
or am I just another face to them trying to survive.

Its a wonderful feeling when you know you've changed,
and become a new person that none could explain.
I just want to tell everyone here in my life,
how happy I am now and that I feel I can fly.

Inside of my soul I know that I'm Trans,
but what does that mean and what does it matter,
If I have no one here close to share that part with.
No one will ever know me, and who I've become,
and I'll one day just vanish, and fade and be gone,
like the sun at the end of the day,
just another smile in a few peoples memory.

by LJ Mark, 4/24/15

I think there is a problem
with humanity
when we confine
masculinity and femininity
to opposite sexes
as if
all humans
should not experience both
and in a world such as ours
femininity is seen as a weakness
and those who lean toward that side,
are belittled.
no wonder our society as a whole
questions a lack of compassion.

They'd been friends for months... Meeting in a thunderstorm... Together days and nights before... From under chandeliers to dark club corner booths... Movies, music, cruising around town at night in the Camaro... Drunken dancing on the porch at 3;00am.... Beachcombing on hot summer days.. Deep conversations... Talk and yearnings for transition, pain, fear, anticipation of the unknown dreams that have haunted her whole life, that only he understands... Hangovers weathered on the couch... Late for work mornings after too much wine.. Feeling full of smiles that night, wine, lots of talk, deep talk interrupted only by moments of silence and thought.. Old music on the radio... It's snowing hard and long, blowing the leafless branches against the house.... Sounds of ghosts outside, transparent nails *****, scratching, with every gust... Wanting, needing, desiring to be let in... They both felt it.. Lonely quivers against the cold leather sofa.. The snow blows harder outside... The house trembles.. The lights go out with a loud crackling pop in the fuse box... They jump, and fall closer together on the couch.. Laughter erupts, as the wine absorbs all fear... Memories of summers moments. The sun on their backs turn to cold flashing shadows from blowing branches.. Sounds get louder, eyes widen... He rests his hand on hers, needing comfort... She trembles... Genders collide then disappear in the darkness... He touches her for the first time as the woman she's always longed to be.. They kiss and melt almost in tears... A transformer explodes on a pole outside... No attention is paid... Their hearts and bodies are consumed by love, nothing else matters, the whole world stops and takes a deep breath.. They touch, sensing things so new, so natural and familiar. Excitement and pulses that can not be imagined or explained... Sharing things neither had even knew existed before.. A love so special, so deep, so unique that they sink beneath the silk bed sheets, and disappear completely... Snow stops falling, wind stops blowing, they are both now blind, both deep in love, and both happier than they ever dreamed they could be...

by Lj Mark, 3-24-15

I don't think of my past very often these days
So much has changed in me in so many ways
The person i was, no trace of him remains
In fact his gender is gone too, in his place is a dame

Deep in my mind I've discovered the truth
That trying to always be a man was an error of my youth
I hid it from the world year after year
But I've come out as trans, and its perfectly clear

And I'm happy now, full of kindness and love
On a journey I've started like none I've dreamed of
With all the things in my life that mean most
I'm seldom reminded of all my old ghosts

But sometimes I remember smiles of my past
Friendships long ago that I thought might last
And its okay that they haven't, I don't really mind
Most are forgotten, or lost for all time

This poem is to one, I think of sometimes
Her name is Fran, and some fun times we had
But decades have passed, all of us have changed
I was just hoping she was well, and living her dreams

To Fran, from Mark

by Lj Mark 2015

~ To all my friends ~

To all my friends that I adore
Whether Trans or CIS or Gay galore
I'm sending my thoughts, best wishes and love
That your lives may have blessings from high above

You're beautiful as you are, in every way
And I admire you all, at the end of the day
I dream that some day, we can all share a hug
And until that day comes, you all have my love

by LJ Mark 2015

~ Triggers ~

The smell of nail polish
High heels on a hardwood floor
Movie kisses and love scenes
The smell of perfume
Hair spray and flowered soap
Orange blossoms and chocolate
Ocean waves and a crackling fire
Gasps, giggles and high pitched laughs
Silk sheets and brass beds
A breath, a touch, a kiss in the dark
Waking up naked, camomile tea
Roses, roses and more roses

All of these things bring joy to my heart
Make me feel like my body and mind aren't apart
Make me long to be someone that I've never been
And give me a reason to wake, and imagine I can

by Lj Mark 2015

~ Learning to love all over again ~

When i was a boy I learned how to love
Watching the older boys at drive in movies
Dads stories with mom, vague without details
They pushed me on to act a man
strong and powerful, always on top
Always in charge and seizing that moment

But now I've changed, and thats not me
I feel more like the girls i was with than he
I just want to melt, my heart vulnerable and free
To lay so softly with hardly a single sound made
Loving as tender as a woman could be
Not like they taught me, I'm not that at all
I'm more like a daughter, or an angel of love.

by Lj Mark 2015