And suddenly I’m back to stacking bracelets

Don't you just hate when
You finally open up to them
After they beg you to tell them what's wrong
And you say no for so long.
They finally crack you open
So they can hear your words spoken
So you let it out
And without a doubt
Its now all about them.
The guilt trips, black mail ect. Ect.
Just shut up honestly.
You wanted me to talk so I did
Now your acting like i was taking a dig.
You wonder why I dont talk to you
Its because this is what you always do
All I wanted was for you to see
How all this is effecting me
But no
Only your emotions are allowed to show.
So I bottle mine back up
And shut  up.
Ill comfort you now
Even though I dont know how
Im dying inside
But that, I have to hide.
To help you
Because thats what I do.
Next time just have some sympathy
So I can finally talk about me.

The measurements will never be right
The numbers on the scale will never be small enough
The clothes are always too big or too tight

Eating anything is eating too much
Excuses like I already ate and such
Until I'm pretty there is something more important to feed

They won't like me unless I run
Mile after mile it is never enough
Try to convince myself that it's fun
To push my limits even if it's tough

I never look right
Nothing is flattering
I'm not going to fight
That my hope is shattering

I got thinner and they started to talk
The compliments came
They don't know the road I had to walk
I have no one to blame

I wanted to starve
Like it wouldn't do me harm
They dont notice when I skip meals
Until I show the pain on my arm

I need friends not food
Not thinking about it is key
I just cant change my mood

They know what's going on
But they will never know how deep
The knife goes when I see something wrong
Then again depression will start to seep

Every time I eat I feel like I fail
After there is always a blood trail
I won't eat until I’m frail
I really do despise The Scale

I became quiet
Because you were too loud
I became apologetic
Because you never apologized
I began to hate touch
Because you touched with violence
I began to hate myself
Because you never loved me
I don’t know how much more change
I can take before i’m unrecognizable

I cut my arms in seventh grade.
“What’s so terrible about your life?”
“Why are you looking for pity?”
I developed an eating disorder.
“Gain weight, you look awful.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you. Stop.”
I ran away.
“You think your life is so miserable!”
“You have clothes and food and shelter what could possibly be wrong?”
I cried myself to sleep every night.
You never noticed.
These were cries for help, mom!
This wasnt attention seeking!
I needed you to be a real parent.
I was crying.
For help.