I was planning to
I really wanted to
I wanted her to know
I wanted to be able to tell her
About why I bleed
And about my father
But my mouths betrays me
It refuses to say these things outloud
Why?

Just say it
I tell myself
You describe it so well in your head
Why can't you speak it?
Why did you stay silent?

Now the moment is over
Once again
You said nothing
And still
No one knows

Not even your closest of friends
Why?
You want them to know
You want to lighten the load
They can speak it so well outloud
They trusted me
Why can't I trust them?
I can
But I won't

Tears roll down my cheeks
She's asleep
She doesn't see
And if she would
I wouldn't even be able to tell her why
How sad is that?

Die
Hmm
Am I putting it in this poem just so it will ryme?
Or because that's what I want to do
But no
I don't
I can't
And I won't
I shouldn't let myself think such thoughts

I missed my chance to be open
I missed my chance to Infront of people
For what feels like the first time in a long time
I missed my chance to show them
All the reasons why
Because my mouth can't express
All that I need to express
Like poetry

You became the very thing
That drove your mother to madness

Manipulation, there's no prevention,
you know I keep coming back.
Keep pretending, you are helpless,
while you play with my heart.
My obsession is my profession,
I can't forget you, but I can lie.
It's all illusion, my confusion,
you are never gonna stop coming back.

I walk in the cold
and watch the snow fall

Snowflakes burning my lips,
kissing my skin
landing in my hair
stick to my lashes

I wish I could admire every single one
take the time to see their shape
know them deeply
love them generously
as I want done to me

your presence lingers
not in grand gestures
but in the spaces in between

your smile filling my kitchen
with a warmth that remained
long after the coffee grew cold
and my cup was empty

the place still set for you,
as if you would walk in, sit down,
and make everything
feel a little more whole

the way we spoke on the subway
our words mingling like passengers
clinging to the rails
never quite ready to part ways

the way things look too clean…too still
not just your toothbrush
but the mess you made of my heart
gone

how lovely it was
to have your things scattered among mine
a forgotten sock
your glasses on the nightstand
a sign this space was ours
once

the scent of your shampoo hovers
an echo of you in the quiet
I breathe you in, eyes closed
wishing you were here
to wrap the night around us
turning off the world together
leaving only us
together in the stillness