i give up on letting people save me.
i'm going to drown.
i'll be the damsel
and i'll be my own hero.

the only way to free yourself
is to let loose every dream and hope.
other people will just bring you pain.

i'm going to live in the ocean.
breathe the ocean air.
let the ocean swallow me up like my feelings.

painting with our words,
a newer reality.
the desperate gasps of air
for the broken heart,
being filled with abstract,
design, fairytales.
we live in a world we create.
art is the fortress of the broken soul.

You are the books you read, the films you watch, the music you listen to, the people you meet, the conversations you engage in.
You are what you take from these.
You are the sound of the ocean.
The fresh breath of air, the brightest light and the darkest corner.
You are a collective of every experience you have had in your life. You are every single second of every day.

So drown yourself in a sea of knowledge and existence.
Let the words run through your veins and let the colors fill your mind.

funny how we'll look back at this moment in time,
and think,
"wow how quickly time passes,"
with children in our hands.

the last of your hand holding mine,
and feeling the familiar roughness,
for two years.

i'll write you letters
and i'll send you poetry.
i'll try my best to enjoy this while you're gone.

two years is a small amount of time.
all at once, it feels like a wave choking the words in my throat.

you haven't left yet,
i know that.

but that isn't going to stop me from missing you.
knowing we're creeping towards your departure,
your two years of service,
scares me.

i already feel so alone tonight.
it's almost like you've already left.

i know this isn't forever,
and our forever only starts after these three years of patience,
but i don't want to say goodbye.
i don't want to stop looking into your brown eyes one last time.

i didn't think i'd fall in love with you,
i didn't think i'd have to say goodbye so soon.

this preparation of separation,
is something i'm not used to.

all of the things i wrote
i could never say to your face.
the way you make me feel
so freely numb.
so beautifully crystalized.

a million shattering pieces
filling up the space,
rattling in the silence,
as you feel its embrace.

spurts.
of.
the.
words.
i.
want.
to.
say.
draw quickly from my mouth
in  c h o p p e d  up sentences.
the truth in its smallest form.

i love you.
i'm sorry.
i'll do better.
i'll be the best.
i'm an idiot.
losing you is not worth it.

Today is the day,
where if I'd known nothing
of death and hell,
this day would be my last.

Today would be a good day,
to send away goodbyes in the mail,
and dig DEEP to find my soul,
and let it go.

Today would be good,
but tomorrow brings a better day,
full of hope.
Opportunities.

Today could be the end,
the end of it all.
Tomorrow could be the start
of a new way of life.

Today could,
but tomorrow can.