I want to tell someone
I want to be proud
But I’ll just be a joke
I don’t want to feel bad
I can’t help it
I’m happy with myself
I want to be happy with others but I can’t
Because they’ll just make it a joke

I love her,
But she says things like
“Oh no, a 97. Are u going to cry?”
I’ll bite my nails til they bleed
Stay silent

But, it’s like-
yeah.
maybe I will.

She embarrasses me.
She ignores me.
She always stands up for him —
but she wouldn’t do it for me.
She makes stupid little comments
that shouldn’t affect me.

If she only knew
She doesn’t even notice.
She doesn’t even care.

And yet I still forgive her.

Why does she have to be like that?

Bad day
Bad week
Bad month
Bad year
Bad…life?

Suffocating silence

Lonely
I am alone

They are there-
But they don’t even know

The weight of the world on my shoulders

Is it just me?

It can’t just be me…

The monster used to be under the bed-
Now it hides in the mirror.
The glass is intact,
But it cuts deeper than anything.

Chapstick used to be the only cosmetic you owned-
Now makeup covers your face.
Meant to hide a million imperfections,
Ones only you can see

Drawings used to be on the paper-
Now they are all over your wrists.
Made not with crayons, but with a knife.
A way to feel, to hurt.

Dessert used to be a reward after dinner,
Now it disgusts you.
A punishment,
Causing horrible thoughts to boil over.

The monster follows you,
Out of the mirror-
Every day,
In your mind.

Inescapable.

She isolated me
Left me completely alone
With no one to help me,
Through the tough years

I gave and I gave
With nothing in return.
She made me abandon the ones I loved
I hurt them for her
I left them out,
Feeling proud,
As I watched them walk away

I never saw it then,
The toxicity
Seeping into my every thought
I called it loyalty,
Poor innocent me

She never gave me all her attention
I sought it out, craving it.
Honestly,
My stupidest mistake