Mama never said there'd be days like this
There's be days like this, Mama never said

Mama said she loved her baby,
Mama said her baby was strong,
But Mama never said there'd be days like this

Does Mama know her baby cries at night?
Does Mama not see the rings under her baby girl's eyes?
Or the bruises on her arms?
Or the cut on her lip?

Mama never said there'd be days like this
There'd be days like this, Mama never said

"How are you?" Mama asks
How does she not know?
Her baby tells her "I'm good, Mama."
Does Mama know her baby is a Liar?

Mama had days like this
Her baby remembers
It's hard to forget days like this

But Mama never said there'd be days like this
There's be days like this, Mama never said.

It hit me like a ton of bricks
Or like a ton of sand
Or like a ton of **** in a sac
Or like a smiting hand

Just BOOM!
Right there.
Right in my face
Right on top of my head
Right in my "happy place"
Right there where I stand

What the hell dude?
What the ****?
What the *******?
What the mother ducking heck?
Why are you being such a ****?

Oh! I see, it's not your fault.
You just couldn't resist.
You didn't mean to
You didn't know
You are just a kid

It's okay, we all **** up
We all make mistakes
We all do stupid things sometimes
We all have those "off" days

But cheating?
No. That is a choice
You don't trip and slip into a ***
You ****** her and I hope it was fun
'Cause you've regained your "Single" badge.

That stupid song, by Owl City
With gentle words and sounds so pretty

But waking up in the middle of every night
To that peaceful song, to start a fight

"This is the end." You state, matter of fact.
And I begin, again to pull you back

"I cut again." You admit to me.
And I know your wrists just bleed and bleed

I sigh, "It's 3am, wait for the sun,
Your day has only just begun...

... It can get better, my ill good friend,
And now is not the time to end."

I beg and plead for him to stay
Off the edge of the busy highway

For a year, I was the only one that knew
Of all the pain you went through

And in the end, a Saturday in January
You sang to me like a caged canary

You thanked me for the love I gave
But you were impossible to save

I begged and plead for you to try
Said that with my help you would survive

When I called the police you ran away
To the edge again, of that ****** highway

I was too late
Thanks a lot mate.

Hope you can see me from up there
And know that I am worse for wear.

Vanilla Twilight. That stupid song
That was my ringtone for so long.

I wish I could hear it one more time
Cuz that would mean my best friend was still mine.

I want someone to fall in love with me tonight.
I am talking love at first sight.
I want someone to look at me and think, "This might be the one...
And, Hell! she seems fun."
Although I might look kinda dumb, I promise I'll try
And I want them to notice the color of my eyes
And the bird on my foot and the rose on my shoulder
And the lump in my throat that's the size of a boulder
And I want them to smile when they see what's happening
And I've been waiting a while while my love life's been napping
But I'm ready to wake up and take up a man
Who's ready to be with a girl who can't tan
But I'll freckle and burn
And I'm always concerned
With whose turn it is to be the big spoon...
And please speak up soon.
Cause, though I do well alone,
I kind of need someone to call home
And to laugh at my jokes
And not be hurt when I choke
When you tell me you love me
Because I still can't believe that you're so far above me!
Like the king of the world
With the invisible girl.
So thanks in advance for making me seen
And proving that I mean something to someone...
That I mean anything.

And won't it be funny when people ask how we met?
And you'll recall how you set
In a shop drinking tea
And then you saw little old me;
The Queen of Naive,
Issuing a plea
And wishing for love and hoping for luck
As I loosed Cupid's arrow and prayed that it stuck!
And they'll ask how you knew
That for me it was true...
And you'll look in my eyes,
Still drenched with surprise
And drunken with hope that you'd recognize
That it was no accident that we met that night.
Because I made you believe in love at first sight.

I hate your stupid haircut
You look like a girl

2. I hate your perfect body
And how it makes my stomach twirl

3. I hate your immature friends
And all the gross things that they say

4. I hate that you are way too smart
In the least cocky of ways

5. I hate the way you pinched my waist
That would always make me scream

6. I hate your childish, genuine laugh
And how innocent it makes you seem

7. I hate the way you always knew
The perfect things to say

8. I hate that you're all I think about
Every. Single. Day.

9. I hate that when I see you 'round
I forget how to breathe

10. I hate the way our bodies
Fit together so perfectly

11. I hate that you were always warm
Even when it was so cold

12. I hate that you always do
Exactly what you're told

13. I hate that you're so skinny
But you also seemed so strong

14. I hate that your biggest turn-on's
Were my tan lines and my thongs

15. I hate the way you treated me
So perfectly from the start

16. I hate that you got under my skin
And all the way into my heart

17. I hate the way I love you
So much more than I should

18. I hate the way I ****** us up
Just like I knew I would

19. I hate how much I love you, still
And how you swept me off my feet

20. But what I hate more than anything
Is that you aren't right here, with me

I have given fair warning
Fires and floods and earthquakeing rage under the impending tsunami my battle cry
The stampeding hooves of my heartbeat render you unfit to stand the ground you say you own
Hyenas laugh maniacally behind my teeth and the monsters of the deep, the deep, the deep
Surface to become my living island
I have given fair warning
Your walls cannot hold
Your blades cannot pierce
Your lies will hang abandoned spiderweb in the corners and I will use the fire of my truths to burn them from existence
I am the web spinner now
I build the world
Catch you in my weaves
Succubus
Leave you dry
I have given fair warning

There are no words for how you make me feel -
Not wholly happy nor is it all sad.
So Orphic, how do I know that you're real?
This ambivalence is driving me mad.
The hypophrenic habromania!
I can't define the sense that you inspire.
So I experience metanoia,
To feed my chaotic internal fire.
Panoptic, I see you entirely
And I'm entranced by everything in view
The shadow of your soul reflects in me
And beckons me to move nearer to you.
      No Epeolatry can spare my soul.
      This gap in lexicon engulfs me whole.

At first, I saw only her bare feet:
A bird on one, a ring of silver on the other.
Move up, her ankles, twitching to a beat,
A song my ears longed to discover.

Her calves were pale and bruised but strong.
Her knees were scarred by living in motion.
Her thighs, so inviting, so smooth, so long.
Her hips rocked like the wave of a calm ocean.

Imagining my fingers tracing her waist,
Slim but soft, Oh, it must be so warm.
The beat of my heart rose til it raced
When I reached her small *******, to secrecy sworn.

Her shoulders a garden of a single rose,
And thousands of freckles: sprawled chickory
Were by the sun that day specially chose
To take my breath and put me on my knees.

Her arms were built to hold all in the world.
Her hands to touch the life of each she meets,
And as they rose and within her short hair twirled,
For the first time, her face I would see.

A mouth of pink to compliment rosy cheeks,
A button nose fit for a child's doll,
A small gap between her front, straight white teeth
Formed a smile that could have caused Rome to fall.

But her eyes, how they shone under their frames.
The blue, green and gold of sunken treasure.
Behind them danced sadness, strength and pain
Mixed with  happiness and passion that had no measure.

Her eyes met mine and all at once, I froze.
She smiled and God must have smiled, too, above.
She came to me and from my spot I rose.
She grinned "Hello" and then I fell in love.

The ground is out from under me
I'm running and I'm lost
I don't know what is wrong with me
And I feel like I've been crossed

But I wouldn't trade this pain for anything
Not all the happiness in the world
If it meant I'd forget what we'd been
Or that I'd never been your girl

We constantly talk about it
Still saying we could try again
But we both know it'd turn to ****
Because we were the perfect sin

You broke me down and made me hurt
And, ****! I've hurt so bad...
But chaos with you was perfect
And it was the best pain I'd ever had

The nights we spent tangled in love
We both knew could not be faked
...I don't regret a single second
For you were my favorite mistake

Everybody knows life is easy for a pretty girl with white skin.
Everybody knows life is easy for a pretty girl with white skin
Coated to the brim
With makeup because she just can't find the right mask
That will allow her face to collapse
So her "friends" won't ever ask
"Are you okay?"
Because she's not.
And she. is. HOT.
But she's been bothered
By the hands of her father
Who swore to protect her
But then disappeared and
Let her get taken to her knees begging
Please... please... please put the knife away, baby.
I swear I'll stay.
You're hurting me!
What did I say?
No.
She said no when he told her to strip
Because the thought made her sick
And he answered with a hit to her pretty white face.
*****!
Learn your place.

Nobody knows what to do with a girl with bruises on her pretty white skin.
Nobody knows what to do with a girl with bruises on her pretty white skin.
Cuts on her lips that crack and bleed when she grins.
No makeup,
No hiding,
No faking,
She's done fighting.
No more friends so she's dying.
She writes her will but she's crying
So the paper is bent like her back to the sharp wind that whips her into submission. Is this the world's mission?!
SIT DOWN AND SHUT THE **** UP!!
She could just step in front of that truck.
Let them win.
Don't let them win.
Hear the strangers whisper,
"Don't trust the pretty girl with white skin."

I feel like a severed limb
Like an open wound that will not heal
I bleed
I drain
The life slowly seeps from me
As if my soul leeks from the ****
That you have turned me into

Is it cruel?
Is it wrong?
Than I wanted you to feel the same?
No.

I want you to feel off.
I want you to feel dead and undone
Like me
I want the life to gush out of you
Emptying like a waterfall from a river
Until you run dry
Like I am

Hollowed

Gone

D
        R
                A

                         I


                                 N
                


                                       E
                            




                                               D

For so long my biggest fear
Was that I'd wake and you'd not be here

I valiantly fought the urge to sleep
So I wouldn't miss a single blink

I'm addicted to your perfect eyes
When withdrawal comes, it's no surprise

I long to touch you, so feel your breath
Without you, a sweet release is death

I see you smiling and hear your laugh
And hope the hallucinations last

Colors are gone, it's black and white
Time slows as day passes to night

Your image will not leave my head
And I remember every word you said

How could you leave me here to rot?
You swore you loved me. I guess not.

I have a super power.
I've always known i was different, cause when you see me from a distance, I stand out in and instant, so people can tell, that's the girl... who doesn't belong. She's the one who just looks kinda wrong. But, Hell!, I got along and stayed strong. Because I have a superpower.
Well what is it?! You should ask... But you don't and you won't... you just pass. As, never to be harassed, I sit calm in the grass and cultivate my super power.
At first I thought mind reading, but a new kind, where people start bleeding from their mouth what's on their brain as soon as they catch a whiff of my "tell-me-your-story" vibe. But then people lied and, though i took it in stride, inside I cried as my supposed power died.
Then I thought invisibility, or maybe ambiguity, because I stood fast like a tree, always there, always to be, but never really seen. But then I hid and when I did, someone... the one found me. So my second supposed superhuman feat faded happily.
But time passed and hearts cracked and stones hit the back of my head so I fled... I can still feel the way that I bled when I said goodbye and he just nodded his head in reply. And the other day, I identified my true super-power.
I can't read your mind. But I can avoid it. And I'm not hard to find, just to hold in a thought. You won't ever think of me because my power won't let it be. I'll stay far from your psyche for eternity. I'll dodge. I'll hide. I'll bob and weave because my power is making sure no one ever thinks of me.

I saw her gliding smooth across the stone,
Letting the rain caress her porcelain skin.
Her green-grey eyes cast down, she was alone;
Her hair surrendering into the wind.
What did she seek? Where did she want to go?
I could not look away from her great bridge.
Her voice, I had to hear, her name to know.
I'd seen her. All that was no longer is.
Then suddenly she stopped and gazed at me,
Her storm cloud eyes piercing into my soul;
Opened her mouth as if to try and scream,
Unhinged her jaw, from there, swallowed me whole.
        There is no turning back, I have been caught.
        Against Goddess of Lust, my power's naught.

I've never been one
To be caught off guard
But I've got to say
This's one helluva start

I was raised in the suburbs
Felt at home in big towns
Haven't met many cowboys
Well, up until now

I watched you Hog Tie a runaway
And cling to that bull
You've got courage to spare
And your life sure seems full

Your hands are all roughed
Caloused from years of hard work
But your heart remains soft
Despite how you may look

Perhaps it's a phase
Some fickle teen dream
But I'm willing to bet
That it's more than it seems

So let us get comfortable
Under wide, free, west sky
Teach me to know horses
And I'll teach you to cry

One day, when we're ready,
When I can ride like the wind
You'll love me as much
As I did to begin

And after you've taught me
Everything that you know,
I'll teach you, in bed
The City Girl Rodeo ;)

Yeehaw!!

I'm afraid sometimes
Afraid that I'll say the wrong thing
Afraid of the pain you'll surely bring
But I tell you I'm brave
And I tell you not to worry

I'm lonely sometimes
Lonely like I'm the only one with eyes
Lonely like my eyes are the only ones that cry
But I tell you that I'm good
And I tell you I can see

I'm sad sometimes
Sad because I'm lonely and afraid
Sad because I'm not as strong as I say
But you still think I'm tough
And I still protect everyone

But I'm happy sometimes, too
Happy because I'm lucky to have you
Happy because you seem like you are true
So I'll smile all the time
And act like I remember fun

Don't you turn around now
Oh no, you can't look back
'Cause you are in my arms now
And everything's intact

You may think I'm crazy
And I suppose that could be true
But look a little closer
I'm only crazy about you

You treat me like a princess
Though I am but the fool
My life here means nothing
If I can't spend it with you

So what is on your mind now?
Come, please, let me in
We've got plenty of time now
So let the loving begin

I want to give you everything
Though you deserve so much more
But you are here with me now
The one you, too, adore.

A new best friend, partner in crime,
Someone to make me laugh.
Another person to fill my time,
A brand new better half.

I didn't think we'd fit so well,
When we met 4 years ago,
But now you've got me under your spell,
And I'm happier than you know!

I know we can't be together,
But I'm proud to get just what I can,
Cause now there's no storm we can't weather
If we've got each other's hands.

We've only got a short time now
But it's plenty of time for you to show
And I'm ready to let you teach me how
To love, to live, to laugh, to grow.

She fled into the forest, cold blood in her veins,
Her bare feet racing toward what she sought
Her gown drenched in cruel, freezing rain
And behind her ribs, for air her lungs fought.

The night, dark and stormy, swallowed her whole
The princess, the heir to power and might
Threw down her crown, she'd now sold her soul
Her time had come to join the true fight.

Her softened hands now hard as stone
And limbs strong as great trees'
Were ready to unleash fury on others' bones
Who threatened any who were free.

Like mud, her hair fell down her back
Her once ***** spine became flexed and strong
Fleeing feet flew over roots and cracks
And from her curled lips arose a song.

"Fight I can, and fight I will,
For I've waited for too long.
My feet refuse to remain still.
The princess is dead and gone."

Every time you look at me
I feel another layer of skin peel away
And I know it's only a matter of time
Until your eyes
So deep and blue - I'm drowning -
So wise
So knowing
So curious
Begin to peel back the muscle, too
Until I'm naught but bone

My clothes that I layer on in fear
Are worthless
Futile
You've seen past my facade and now
I've nowhere to hide
And I do so wish I could hide

You scare me with what you know
You scare me more with what you don't
Which is little
But I don't know what you feel!
Do you feel?
You've seen past my walls
And my clothes
And my skin
And my muscle
And my bones
So you can see my soul
But what do you see?
My naked body can only be seen
By he who has already fallen in love with my naked soul
But you've claimed it all

My everything is out in front of you
And in this dim light
I search your face for some emotion
A sign that you DO feel something
Anything
For this body
For this mind
For this person you've so meticulously picked apart

But as your eyes finally meet mine
All I see is boredom
So you turn and slowly leave
Me
And now I'm left here
Still drowning
So naked and vulnerable
That I cannot move
To cover myself back up.

I have no father
I didn't know 'til now
I guess I must have missed it
Though I'm really not sure how

It's not that he is dead
Or left when I was small
But that he's been around my whole life
And still not been here at all

He worked when I was younger,
I only saw him when he was mad
And when my parents divorced,
I only knew him sad

He never once protected me
Or gave me advice on boys
He never held me as I cried
I never found comfort in his voice

I cry as I write this
For I know the truth it holds
It was I who protected him
And it's made me harsh and cold

He has told me that he loves me
Cried to me about his pain
Asked me for my input
And it's driven me insane

All I wanted was a father
To pick me up when I fell down
Instead I got a burden
Who I can't stand to be around

I truly have a decent life,
With friends and loved ones to spare
But I still feel lost and lonely
Craving the father that was never there

"Friends don't make love." You once told me.
Then what, pray tell, in Hell are we?

One day you're mine, the next you're not.
Have you changed your mind or just forgot?

"I love you!" You promise, though I don't believe
Because you utter the words I cannot speak.

Funny, huh? How you love me more,
Only when my clothes are strewn on the floor

Shallow *******. Worthless crook.
Am I not worth a second look?

Three years we've been in this same place.
And you can barely look me in the face.

I am not yours, we tried that once.
And ended up miserable for many months

Look, you truly are my friend,
And I'll be there for you through the end.

But, for ****'s sake! Make up your mind!
We're not moving forward and now you're behind.

So here's the thing, this is my deal.
I'm done listening to "How you really feel."

Grow up, go away, and and leave me alone.
We're done, *******, now please, go home.

I need to take me back from you.
I've wandered for too long.
My soul aches because it's torn in two,
And my heart sings an empty song.

I've found someone that loves me so,
I need something to give,
But you have taken all I own,
And I need you to forgive.

I know well that I did you wrong,
And caused you so much pain,
But I've hurt too, I've hurt so long,
And I want to feel again.

My heart is cold, my mind is faint,
But you can cure me now.
My smile is but layers of paint
Sculpted expertly how.

I need to take me back from you;
My heart, my soul, my face.
I deserve to be happy, too,
And this is the time and place.

I will always love you, dear,
But the time has come
For you to let go of the fear
And forgive me all in one.

I need to take me back from you
So I can give love to him.
You can give to her now, too.
You see, love, we both win.

If you've ever been the "other woman,"
Or if you've been the lying man,
Lean in and listen closely,
Cause this is one you'll understand.
When love has lost its luster and its muster and it's might,
But you just can't leave because you "love" her,
And the ******* is better and wetter after fights.
When you daydream about escaping to a place so far away
That you can't hear her voice or see her face or remember her name,
I'll be there with a ticket, all you have to do is ask.
It's a release from your conventional bonds.
It's fun.
It's free.
It's fast.
It's a vacation to your paradise with a pair of legs and a pair of eyes
That open up for only you.
And you'll eat it up and spit it out like cheating men tend to do.
So don't give me those sad, "I've ****** up" eyes and that sad puppy dog face.
You wanted it.
You LOVED it.
And you want more.
This is me putting you in your place.
You can call me the devil because I make you want to sin.
But every time I come knocking, you can't help but let me in.
I would never hurt a fellow woman.
I prove that by keeping "us" to myself.
But it's time to pull your head out of your ***
And decide if I'll just sit here on your shelf
Waiting for you to fail again, to make another great mistake
Or if you'll nut up, shut up, tell her the truth and finally walk away.

Your name may mean "Warrior"
But I'm the one that fights
I fought to keep you happy
So you could make it through the night

Three years after we became "friends"
After months of laughs and cries
After I gave you nearly everything
And I alone dried your bloodshot eyes

You said you were in love with me
But I know that is a lie
You have a girlfriend, stupid
And I've got someone who's mine

So because you cannot have me
In your bed, all to yourself
You're leaving me entirely
Like an old doll upon your shelf

***. That's all you want from me!?
After all I've done for you?
You literally wouldn't be here
If I hadn't come to your rescue

So fine. Just leave.
My best friend.
My brother.
Let me know when you've had time
To find yourself
Another.


You can't, by the way.

I’m falling hard and fast
Like rain in a hurricane
Like a sand storm in the desert
You cover every inch,
Creep into my every open crack
And fill me with
You: Adonis in Flesh, and
Hope and
Lust and
Why is it now, at the end,
Now, when things are about
To disintegrate
That my heart amends its mind
About you
About us
About me and maybe a man that can make life mean
Something
Again, something more,
Something miraculous
I’ll have to perform, constantly fearing that I won’t succeed
Because I only want what I want and
I want you.

In the beginning, you were sweet and kind
Left "good morning" and "you look beautiful today" notes
What others had said 'bout you was far from my mind
They were wrong, they didn't know of your dreams and hopes

Naive and young, I drank it in
Accepted each and every thing you said
I began to fall, I was stumbling
As visions of you and i danced in my head

But you had other plans, I guess
Which was okay, I gave you space
I cleaned up many a heartbroken mess
And provided a safe and constant place

Three years of pining after thee
Wore my backbone frail and thin
And the first time you reached out and struck me
Something black began to grow within

It clawed at my ribs and blood dripped down
Mixed with tears and shame
But with my heel I shoved it to the ground
For your love was worth the pain

Where have you gone?
I know you were here.
I felt your breath on my face
Heard your voice in my ear

You spoke so softly
I couldn't understand
I tried to stop breathing
And felt the touch of your hand

I kept my eyes closed
Afraid if I moved
You'd leave me again
Alone in this room

I make no noise
As you whisper again
Straining my ears
To just comprehend

"Darling, I'm here now,
so, sleep, my love, sleep.
I've missed you so much, dear
but awake you can't keep."

No! Please don't leave me!
I beg as tears fall
I feel your lips on my cheek
... What I've missed most of all

"I love you." You promise.
Your final goodbye
The room now is silent
So I open my eyes

Nothing but darkness
You're no longer with me
So I drift off to sleep
Hoping you'll be in my dreams

I've kept my pen in a cage.
Trapped.
Not to come in contact with paper at any cost
Like trying to hide the everpresent moon from a werewolf
Like hiding all your ***** from the family alcoholic
No use
"Resistance is futile."
I wanted to ignore the truths that never fail to spill out the second ink kisses the pages of my journal.
I tried to avoid the impending epiphany
      No more.
               No more.
And thus begins the tragic telling of a story
I wish to be fiction.
A story my mind hid from me
No Hero
      No ever after
Only the end.

It was a dark and stormy night.
The thunder barked its orders loud,
Calling his clouds to a fight
Against the Lightening, bright and proud.

The blood of the soldiers fell
Flooding the soil with living flow.
No single cloud would live to tell
What spectacle was the night's foul show.

Come morning, all that remained
Was blood on the ground, no inch was dry.
Thunder and Lightening had refrained
And no longer rained their battle cries.

Villagers below emerged unscathed,
Knowing naught of the horror: the former bang
In the scent of blood their noses bathed.
"I love the smell of rain." They sang.

I should know
Who I am by now
I walk
Record stands somehow
Thinking of winter
Your name is the splinter
Inside me

While I wait
I remember the sound
Of your November downtown
I remember the truth
A warm December with you

But I don't
Have to make
This mistake
And I don't
Have to stay
This way

If only I would wake

I walk this town
And fear by now
Your voice is all i hear somehow
Callin' out winter
Your voice is the splinter
Inside me

While I wait
I remember the sound
Of your November downtown
And I remember the truth
A warm December with you

But I don't
Have to make
This mistake
And I don't
Have to stay
This way

If only I would wake

I cold have lost myself
In rough blue waters
In your eyes

And I miss you still

I remember the sound
Of your November downtown
I remember the truth
A warm December with you

But I don't
Have to make
This mistake
And I don't
Have to stay
This way

If only I would wake

I am a bridge, connecting two far lands.
I stretch across the river, wide and strong.
I close the cavern between parted sands,
I join the lovers’ hands forever long
She floats along my back with poise and grace,
Each step sends shivers down my rigid spine
As rain marks each gentle footstep in place,
Making a simple straight and jagged line.
I felt the sadness in her every move
I sent to her the floating thoughts of love;
But her path veered off, to my edge; to doom-
With river below, she and I above.
Without warning her small toes lifted off.
I watched and cried at what I could not stop.

You won't love me 'til you're lonely
You won't see me 'til you know
You won't know me 'til you're ready
You won't be ready 'til you grow

In the daylight I am open
Floating light and free and true
Chasing after your shadows
Just to get closer to you

But when the sun's descended
And your shadow is no more
I'm down on my hands and knees
Groping and the frigid floor

I'm reaching out to touch you
Though you don't know I'm around
So I'll just wait until your ready
And caress your shadow from the ground

She saw a poet under dark drenched skies
And, for a moment, danced a smile again.
The night of hair and storm in green-gray eyes--
The rising wind surrounds her in the rain.
With sweetest voice and power of the lark
She takes the steps, a bridge she does not know
Comes to her through the misted cover dark,
And footprints follow, leading her too slow.
The rain grows weak, yet washes all the sin
That time before us never locked away;
It's two more steps that pushes her within,
The bridge is left amidst its lonely sway.
    And mystery consumes her very soul;
    A priceless strength to which she paid the toll.

How many times will I stumble before I learn where to place my feet?
How many "I love you"s will I mumble before you finally hear me?
How many years will waste on you, not getting what I want?
How many tears will follow nights of lust and the memories that haunt?
How many times will you tell me you don't know how you feel?
How many dimes will I throw to fountains just wishing it was real?
How many other girls have fallen for you only to find themselves alone?
How many worlds have you promised them then left them without a home?
All I want is honesty. If you don't love me, please, just say.
You're draining the life and love from me. No one is making you stay.

Wandering through streets in my mind
Thoughts flash by like cars.
While the memories of you and I
Burn and shimmer over me like stars.

My heart trips on a crack in me,
A break you created long ago
And I so wish that you could see
I miss you but you mustn't know.

You pull me in, though I resist.
I know you will only cause me pain.
Your touch, your warmth, I feel your kiss.
Your soul washed over me like rain.

Can you feel the electricity?
It  pulses from my heart like a drum.
I pull your body close to me,
And all that I've worked for comes undone.

I can feel the last wall collapse
And I stumble over the rubble that you made.
Does this mean that I'm yours perhaps?
Wrapped in your arms, let me stay.

But I know this is too good to be true.
Love, I know you far too well.
I mean nearly nothing to you.
I should have looked before I fell.

So I'm wandering the streets again,
In my mind, a dangerous place,
Hoping I will trip once more so then
I will stop imagining your face.

The roller coaster of you and I
Did not go just up and down
Flips and turns of blinding rage
Took us crashing to the ground

I hate you. I love you. I need you. Just leave.
You couldn't make up your mind
Did I not see it? Or just not believe?
That I was the one in a bind.

My friends called "Abuse" whilst my family turned, Blind
From the havoc that covered my skin
Any way out I searched, but naught to find
My nightmare was about to begin

The brain is amazing, its powers and strengths
Its ability to hide what it knows
But I wish mine had hidden for longer a length
Some of the things it's beginning to show

Like you trashing my house in search of a letter
From "him" that didn't exist
Or that you always felt infinitely better
After kissing my body with fists

Or maybe the time I cowered in the corner
Pinned down by your knees and your eyes
With a knife to my throat when I disobeyed orders
That threatened to just let me die

But the worst part, I think, are the things still blank
The memories that refuse to come out
What else did you do? What more did you take?
Besides replacing all love in me with doubt

What drug did you use to poison my mind?
And to taint my most innocent of hearts?
Regret, pain and sorrow are all you can find
Since you've torn me limb from limb, apart.

I don't want to fall asleep because I know I'll dream of you.
I'll dream of words I want you to say and things I want to do.
My subconscious will cease to censor all my thoughts deep down within,
And my wants and lusts and cravings will resurface once again.

I don't want to close my eyes because of the guilt I'll feel upon
Awakening from unholy dreams and returning to the dawn.
I don't want to feel your touch, so raw, so real, intense,
'Cause I woke from it some months ago and lusted for it sense.

The first time that I dreamt of you, teasing  me so well...
Lips against my neck, fingertips floating at my hips: the moment that I fell.
Reality is so cruel now that I've fake-felt your flesh on mine,
Because in my dreams we writhe and flex, our bodies intertwined.

So I don't want to fall asleep. I don't want to have those dreams.
For when I wake, I'm still untouched in lonesome reality.

Now that I see, I'm glad that you're gone
Happy that you left me here to rot
For now i remember some that you've done
And to me you are worth less than naught

Though when you left, I begged you to stay
And my world came crumbling down
I'm so happy now that you've gone away
For I can be my own person without you telling me how

If I see you again, there won't be hate in my eyes
Though I may tense with  some fear
You can't hurt me again. I survived.
And my soul is slowly becoming more clear

So let me tell you one thing, before i go
While paper is still under my pen
Sisters, there's nothing tying you down, so
Never bend to the wills of angry men.