I hate you more
With every breathe you take
Every word you say
Every bruise you leave

I try so hard
To avoid hurt
I don't talk to many people at school
I don't stray far from my own little world

Just to come home, every day
To you screaming in my face
Your words linger in my ears
"I wish I didn't have you" ringing the most clear

I'm worthless, and lazy, you say
I'm selfish, because your sick
And I don't do enough to help you
By cooking the meals, and cleaning the house

Your injured, you say you fell,
So I need to step up,
And do more, to keep the stress off you
And help you heal

But you don't sound sick
When you yell at me
And you don't look injured,
When you hurt me

See? Your standing now
Yelling as you come near
Screaming right in my ear
The same old, tired words.

And as you push me,
And I fall
Only one thought rings clear
"You don't look sick, anymore, mommy dear"

stumbling home
in the evening
with my breath
smelling of cheap beer
and cigarettes;
people worry,
I tell them not to;
I do this for me,
not for attention
or sympathy,
I do this to feel
more alive,
because I feel so
dead inside
and my thoughts
are racing;
drinking shuts them up
for a couple of hours
and I feel better;
I feel sick,
but I also feel
great,
like I can do anything;
like nothing can hurt me;
is this what death
tastes like?
god,
I hope so

Run your fingers through my soul.
For once, just once,
Feel exactly what I feel,
Believe what I believe,
Perceive as I perceive,
Look, experience, examine
And just for once,
Just once
Understand.