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  May 2014 Lesley Vaysman
bukowski
stumbling home
in the evening
with my breath
smelling of cheap beer
and cigarettes;
people worry,
I tell them not to;
I do this for me,
not for attention
or sympathy,
I do this to feel
more alive,
because I feel so
dead inside
and my thoughts
are racing;
drinking shuts them up
for a couple of hours
and I feel better;
I feel sick,
but I also feel
great,
like I can do anything;
like nothing can hurt me;
is this what death
tastes like?
god,
I hope so
Lesley Vaysman Mar 2014
I'm overwhelmed due to
my depression
my loneliness
my self esteem issues
my hatred towards everyone who surrounds me
and especially,
my feelings towards you

I constantly wonder:
how do you make me feel this way?

You make me feel sad
You make me feel mad
You make me feel angry
You make feel idle, dull, and alone
as if I will never love anyone again,
well not as much as I loved you

Yet, not everything you do is so bad
You still make me smile
You make me feel loved
You make me feel ****
You make me feel warm
You make me feel wanted

You make me feel special,
as if I'm
your soul mate
your partner
the love of your life
the girl of your dreams
the one

Well I'm still overwhelmed due to
my depression
my loneliness
my self esteem issues
my hatred towards everyone who surrounds me

BUT
my feelings towards you are as clear as they could possibly be
You changed me forever,
for good or for worse,
and you've taught me some things as well
I do not need you to survive
and I have more important things in my life to figure out

You are now a distant memory,
the fading light at the end of tunnel,
the bad grade I wish to forget
and a person that I wish I never met,
yet I am grateful that I did,
and I thank you for all that you've done
But now I just need to focus on me,
and I'm moving on, and letting go

— The End —