It's 11:11
I wish for you
I wish for happiness
I wish for your arms
I also wish for you to love me
You to kiss me
You to fall asleep next to me
I wish I could return your compliments
Return the love
I wish you knew you deserved better but more than that I wish you'll never leave
I need you yknow
I wish I wasn't this exausted
I wish it wasn't getting sucky again, like before
11:12

the harder you hit
the more i want to prove that i can take it.
the bruising is expansive
and the canvas is almost full.
strangely,
my single fear is that you may switch gears
and choose a new medium with which to shape me
into exactly what i told you i would never become...


--your tragic masterpiece.

I cannot pretend that I'm not alone;
I cannot find it in me to say I'm happy,
I cannot lie in bed and feel wholesome again,
I cannot endure for just another day.

I cannot be here and there all the time,
I cannot be one and many all the same,
I cannot be true to me and to everyone,
I cannot be me and I cannot be you.

So I'm alone in my skin tonight,
I'll wrap myself tight and I'll dry my own tears,
Don't weep for my loss, I can do it myself,
I think I'll just be here for a little while more.

I'm lost in my dreams I cannot be sane,
I am not right in my head; where is my heart anyway?
When there's finally a breeze, I'll make her my friend,
so don't stay for a while, just go, I'll be fine.

And as much as that's a lie, I cannot pretend to be fine,
I cannot sit here and think I'm surrounded by friends.
And as much as my shoulder can shrug off troubles,
I think I'm dying a little inside.

YOU WILL NOT FALL IN LOVE IN A HOSPITAL, YOUR SKIN WILL SMELL LIKE THE DYING AND YOUR LIPS WILL CRACK AND YOU WILL NOT FIND BEAUTY

I USED TO THINK I WOULD FIND SOLACE IN THOSE SANITIZED WHITE HALLS BUT ALL I EVER FOUND WAS MY OWN EMPTY EYES STARING BACK AT ME FROM THE UNBREAKABLE SUICIDE-PROOF MIRROR AND THERE WAS NO COMFORT IN MY BRUISED TENDER FACE

HOSPITALS ARE NO PLACE FOR YOUNG GIRLS WHO HAVE NOT YET TURNED AWAY FROM LIFE AND THEY ARE NO PLACE FOR KISSING YET YOU READ ABOUT MOUTHS FINDING EACHOTHER IN THE DARKEST HOUR AND YOU THINK OF CEMENT HOSPITAL WALLS; THERE IS NO DARKNESS IN HOSPITALS, JUST PURPLE FLUORESCENT LIGHTS THAT MAKE YOU LOOK SO PALE YOU MIGHT JUST REALIZE THE IMMINENCE OF YOUR OWN DEATH.

YOU WILL NOT FALL IN LOVE IN A HOSPITAL.