So you say it's hard to watch people change,
But it's not really.
It hurts to see someone grow apart from you
But you're changing too.

What hurts isn't to see someone you know
Become someone you knew
It's worse to accept
You can't know if what someone used to be
Is what they remember too.

To hold a memory close to your heart
Is different than seeing a memory ripped apart.

You say it's too hard to get over the past...
But it's not really.
It's much worse to realize
The past really doesn't last.

I can't watch you get over me-
I can't wait around and see
 
I don't want to watch it in your eyes
I am so so tired of goodbyes
I could try to let you in-
 
But I can't listen to the cold creep into your voice.
I can't just watch without a choice.
 
I gave so many reasons... But now-
I see. 
 
The real reason I said no- 
Was because I couldn't wait and see
I couldn't watch- 

Wait... and watch you get over me

He had the world in his pocket.
But he was always afraid to look.

The first up to bat
The last on the hook.

He was a cool contradiction.
A child of a man.

Selfish yet caring
Honest but lost

He was beautiful and strong.
But self-conscious and oh so wrong.

Afraid to love
But at a loss concerning the cost

He had the world in his pocket
If only he would try

Maybe just maybe
Perhaps- he could learn how to fly.

Sometimes, when the deepest recesses of my soul are missing you, I wish I could hold you.

I wish I could hold you.

I wish I could hold you- like the last flicker of candlelight on a dark nostalgic night... like I wish I could hold the last rays of sun at the end of a perfect day... like I wish I could hold all the pieces of pure joy that melt through my fingers when I think of you.

I wish I could hold you and the harder I try the further you feel. I wish I could hold you and I wonder if I could ever hold onto you and some piece of your soul so tightly you couldn't be anyone else's but mine.

Then, that is when I feel like I'm losing the last moments of light, and I wonder if you will come again-

like the morning,

like the day,

like the candlelight...

Or whether I will lose you for trying and be plunged into the deepest night.

There is a boundless sea
Sea between you and me

I found quite a vicious disconnect
Between what you say and how you act
I fell in love with loving you
I fought so hard I thought you knew.

This the difference between
Loving me and loving you.
Lines you etched through and through.
Things you lost

And through the toss
Time will follow and this long sea-
Will grow and grow between you and me.
The long lost wishing well,

The past at last
Will cross the sand.

Bleak storm cloud anger
Regretful rain and denial.
Danger in white to gray.
These lines crossed in the bay;

Black considered white
Gray around the dock.
Tears of rain locking fate
Closing fast, blocking light.

In the end dry land covered
Memories will wash aside
Lost at sea
Drowned by land.

The grains of sand
The moments in the past
No more holding fast.

Cares and thoughts
Erased and torn away
Vivid at night, the rocking tide by day
Land lost in a selfish hand

There is a boundless sea
This the sea between you

…The sea between you and me

What I would have done,
For you.

A quiet knocking on the door,
A quiet rapping through the floor
A quiet voice sweet and soft
Growing louder, hard to ignore.

I hide under the sheets,
Terror fleeting,
Numb and unprepared,
Even as I know I must,
I twist and turn and-
I can’t hold back
My life will change

I tried to close the door,
To stifle that tapping under that floor-
I guarded my heart
But walls and sheets are closing fast
None of this safety can last

I know I must turn
So many moments pushing through
My entire future, fading past
I know what I must do,
I must go with you.

I know what we will be
I will change for you
I cannot be free
It will never again just be me
I would do anything to protect you
Change my life to be with you

But as I reach-
As I tell you what I will do
What this love is that I feel for you

Suddenly jaded, crushed and worn
Bearing under that deep, rank well of guilt
You are pulled away
Screaming and tearing

A darkening wave of blood- and so many tears
Every single one of my worst fears
Sad, sick and twisted turn of fate
I wasn’t ready for you
And now I’m much, much too late.

They tell me I couldn’t have stopped it,
I couldn’t have protected you.
“I need to feel in order to heal”
But there is no knocking on the door,
No quiet rapping through the floor.
Nothing…. no quiet voice,
                      No one is asking anymore.

Wandering lost through the night
Not long last, until morning light

Blue moon bright, fading sight
Lonely owls echo in the night

Lost starlight.

Stumbling, trekking, across the trail
Darkness covering mourning cries.

Cool dark breezes lost and still
Not afraid, not to fight.

A tired wood cabin glowing still
Shut so tight, no strong ties

Low voices laughing
Harrowing the passing.

I stop near flickering candlelight
No open door, no place to rest

I break a fall, then pass by,
Through the trees, silence calls.

Emptiness and sorrow by my side
Cool nighttime friends, no demands

So far ahead
A village breaking the valley trail

Small homes shut and still,
The cold night beckons, vast and pale.

Low voices call, pleading faintly
Asking me to leave the night,
To lose the trail.

I push on past I don't belong.
Not afraid, not to fight.

On the empty road
Through the narrow sign
Into the tall trees, lost by design.

I seek the darkness, the silence still
Loss and mourning heavily borne

I will not stay
Even if I may.

Wandering in the cool darkness,
I will not stop or find a friend.

Into the night, not to falter
Empty sorrow, mourning last

Darkness falls, tired and bent
Fading, blue moon sent.

Not afraid. Not to fight.
Not to rest until I find the light.


No stars are out tonight.