I wrote on my wrist: Who needs a boyfriend? I have tea!
Tea doesn't mind if I wear my "ugly outfit" and don't put on makeup
Tea doesn't mind if I only watch movies I like for hours and hours on end
Unfortunately, tea also doesn't hold my hand and let me rest my head on its shoulder or send me cute texts that make me smile when I'm in a depressed mood, stabbing and cutting the hell out of the edge of my counter with a butcher's knife because it's healthier than doing that to my wrist.
Tea will be with me in times of Brokenness, but it can't take away the pain like a person could
And I hate feeling like the pathetic cliché "all I want is a boyfriend" type of girl, I thought I was better than that because I was never like that when I was younger but I'm not strong enough to fight it myself and I just really need someone else to hold me
But I have so many burdens I'm scared I'm too heavy to hold
I'd wear my prettiest outfit and makeup, and watch every movie he likes even if I hate it and never say a word about it if I actually had someone to do that for, but for now all I have is Tea
and as much as I love it
And as much as I drink it non-stop
Tea is not enough.

Don’t text me when you’re drunk
Don’t even say my name when you’re high
Don’t think about me when you’re with her
Don’t reduce my worth to that

I haven't heard from you in a while
I haven't pulled out your picture and looked at it in ages
I haven't written poetry about you in a long time
I haven't been missing you

You used to be more interested in books than Ecstasy
You used to swear for no reason less
You used to be kinder
You used to be what you aren't anymore

I secretly hope you've looked at my picture once or twice
I secretly hope you'll text me again one day
I secretly hope you miss me just a little bit
I secretly hope that if you ever decide to "miss me" again I have the strength and courage to say "That's nice."

not "I miss you too"

1. Don't get angry when you dream about him smiling in slow motion. Do not awaken and sob, because you love his smile more than anything and it will not do for you to bawl when he was just trying to make you happy.

#2. Forgive him when he slips into your bed at night and holds your hand while you're trying to sleep. Don't resent him for leaving his smell all over your sheets, all over your room. You love the way he smells, and it gets cold in the grave. He just misses your warmth.

#3. Breath him in like smoke and let him rest in your lungs. Let him feel the way they expand and contract, because his never will again and he wants to feel it again.

#4. Everytime you close your eyes and see his, smile. Because he's looking at you, watching you. He had beautiful eyes and they were only for you and death, and now he has death but he only needs you.

#5. Do not commit suicide to follow him to the grave. He loves you and he would like to be with you, but he doesn't really want you to die like that, even if he says he does sometimes. He's just thinking out loud. People aren't good at seeing consequences once they have died.

#6. Do not regret not eating a piece of his flesh. It would have made you hate yourself. People would have called you sick. It's okay to have thought about it, they don't understand your grief, the need you have to own a piece of him. But he taps your special knock on the window nightly using the wind. You do not need to consume him to keep him.

#7. Do not resent him for dying. Even if he killed himself. Even if you loved him and he knew it and he did it anyways. Look at the sky and know he's in your rib cage, feeling your breathing and the listening to the beat of your heart. Do not resent him. He doesn't resent you for living.

there's way too much love inside me for people who don't deserve it  not one ******* bit do you understand what it feels like to know what you've done for someone and then have them step on your heart like you're a sidewalk i thought being walked on with stilettos would hurt the most but it turns out tie dye vans are the real killers i was walked on until i went completely numb all of me is numb everything is darker than i expected it to be i guess that's what happens when you have the dirt from the bottom of those tie dye vans stuck in your eyes now all i can do is use what's left of my hearing to listen to your favorite songs over and over even though you never told me what they were not even after i asked you what does it matter anyway i'm just a ******* sidewalk sidewalks don't breathe our lungs are too full of the gravel and leaves the people who walk on top of us kick around sidewalks don't cry we let the rain do it for us sidewalks don't have hearts and even if they did why would it matter anyway i was your ******* sidewalk to get to her i made sure to crack in some spots to make it harder to get to her but you're much smarter than some stupid ******* crack you figured your way around it in the most beautiful way possible and god ****** i wish i tried a little harder but now i'll just be stuck here with your dirt in my eyes and your gravel in my lungs and your tie dye vans all over my pathetic little heart