stripped of innocence,
left naked in despair.
so when you're knocking at the door
she cannot hear.
emotionally unavailable,
the trauma runs deep.
she's running but keeps
tripping over potentials,
that sees so much potential.
still she is so resentful
with no time to stop.
legs tired and weary,
her darkness comes in so scary;
in fear, you'll flee
come near, you'll see
a rose with petals bruised and battered,
faded cause color never mattered.
and like her petals,
pieces scattered
from heart shattered and broken.
and if she's open,
its only for a moment.

this is not the time
or the place.
i am out of time,
its a race
for sanity.
essence depicting vanity
but you are fake.
a being misplaced in a room full of open locks
and broken clocks.
searching for your place
and kicking rocks.
bare-feeted,
so the earth fuels you up
but you never notice.
you are so out of touch.
you are chasing everything that you already are;
so close but were you really that far?

the last time we spoke,
our vision blurred as if smoke
came into view.
i know what i spoke was true.
& when i speak,
i speak existence.
you know,
power in words.
i tried to warn you of digression,
but the one thing you heard
was that of little to no value.
i hope you see the value in being honest, no lies
because one day your disguise will reveal who you are.
i saw true colors from far.
-
your words seemed viable,
your presence seemed reliable
but still your heart wasnt pure.
i think ive seen you before.
twice in a vision,
im sure.
revealing all that you were,
your fleeting words were a blur.
and now i know,
whats done in darkness always finds a way to show.

the universal forces are seeking revenge.
with energies so violent,
they are here to avenge
the dying hearts.
strung out like an addict,
with scars that depict
abuse and oppression.
with raging aggression,
biting back like i should have.
fighting back like i would have if it werent for the daze,
now the love spell has fade.
nice to meet you,
im karma.
counting all of your days.

the raging storm has gone quiet,
chaos has payed its due.
what still remains is my theory on how no love is true.
or maybe just with you.
-
wits at the end,
at the start you were my friend.
we lost sight of who we were,
we got caught up in a stir of emotions that deemed us unworthy
of a love thats willing,
with balance
and sturdy.
now you are well exposed,
now all of my wounds;
healed and closed.
now i can see why fate kept us apart.
now i can see that you loved with words and it was never from the heart.

my nap py roots are a natural root to the tree of life.
i dare not damage my sources to the source of light.
afro made all strong and sturdy,
a sprinkle of all that is worthy.
a sign that i am everything and i exist.
stop bleaching out your blackness.
i insist
that you cherish your being like you cherish material possessions
& feed into obsessions of your ego that knows of nothing else.
only mirrored image self,
detrimental to your health.
only focused on appearances and features.
beauty industry focal points
with tutorial teachers.
influencers influenced by ingenuine sources,
no natural resources.
your reign has been challenged.
may the best man be exalted.

im so willing,
i know that i am able
to accomplish anything.
i am so stable.
im never tripping on the things that keep attention these days.
my only focus is directed,
only focus on ways that keep me balanced.
my mystery is talent.
my magical ability is coming from the inner-me.
no condecendant enemy can overthrow my entity.
not fearless,
not in worry.
not doubting,
in my glory.
im here to tell the story of a queendom fall from grace.
dismissing every ego,
putting truth back in its place.
my presence is an impulse,
no common threats or insults.
keep your envy away.

even in the darkest times,
i shine bright like sun rays.
always fighting with the shadows
whem im stuck in my ways.
i am genetically equipped with mystic tools of love and light.
its in my blood,
my dna consists of everything thats light.
light being,
light body.
one spirit,
one mind.
one soul
so divine and so near to sublime.
changing the course,
ill change the rate of the world.
even if that means carrying weight of the worlds.
i am chosen,
with faith now restored.
seeking a truth,
now beyond the explored.

while you claim power,
sit on thrones;
i exalt the lowly ones.
no one man better than the next,
each one deserves acclaimed respect.
your horse high like your heels,
you say money is your power.
i come through and devour your opinions,
they dont matter.
a dollar holds no weight in the higher space.
in the sunken place everything praises ego.
you lack necessities now you are seeking hero.
in need of rescue,
let your money protect you.

the sound of your voice lingers through my body at midnight;
and your smile is an image my mind cannot erase.
i keep checking my phone to see if i missed a call from you.
i still dream of you.
i still pray for you.
im still wishing on a star that it could all just work out.

show true colors when no one is looking.
we fear what they may think,
not  
understanding the power  we hold
and it’s deeper than we know and think.
i don’t see no potential,
im insecure.
though i know im enough,
i search for more.
seeking validation,
mere appreciation.
but the fault isn’t you,
it is what is in your view.
you see pictures everyday,
depicting perfection,
a certain perception that flows in one direction
toward a standard of beauty
that’s unhealthy
and unkind.
but the problem isn’t your body
no the problem is your mind.
the reason you are blind
is a truth you’ll never find
if you try to fit an image outside of who you are.
you’ll never find a resting place
not near and
no not far,
you were created equal not identical,
you see
&
i wouldn’t wanna be anyone else,
cause no one can be me.

i want a beautiful life filled with beautiful people.
ones that see the world for what it truly is & what it can possibly become again.
i want to greet fears with grins and laughter
& overcome the greatest obstacles with a heart that shows gratitude through its will to live.
i want to have wise, amazing, genius children that carry in them the dna of everything that i stand for.
i want to grow with them.
i want to fall madly in and out of love with someone that makes every inch of pain feel so worth it that i won’t even notice it hurts.
who makes all of my days seem so short that it’s unreasonable.
a love that holds me tight as i slowly die in its arms.
i want a life partner that understands life challenges,
who teaches me by simply being.
who’s not territorial or completely obsessive,
& has more honor and respect than expectations.
fairytale ending or tragedy,
i just want to live on the edge of every possibility.
mad or completely insane,
it’s all the same.
i just want to live.

caught in a downward spiral
and no one speaks my language
like Malcolm in the middle of words
and phrases,
verbs and statements,
punctuation placement
and labels deriving from one selfish impulse of thought.
forget the words,
just feel the message
we are lost.
so when the universe speaks
we never understand
we put our faith in methods that are derived from man.
we miss the call,
we miss the vision,
not connected.
nobody’s focused anymore
so **** the message.

wether black or white,
dark or light
energy sees no separation.
nothing is different in the eyes of love.
we come from love.
we come from one.
no different colors,
no different races.
no judging beauty
based off of faces.
we are just one small part of creation,
take a look around you.
it is not all about you.
and it’s you;
you are the one whose destroying the earth.
you are the one thats decreasing in worth.
it is you whose so entitled,
fake egos
and fake idols.
you see nothing but yourself.
you are the ones that brought the hell.

the sound of my existence
holds more weight than the sound of words spoken by the bitter & the cynical.
my calming effects
prove themselves to be more insidious
than you could ever imagine being...

they say im so silent.
i say no one ever listens anyway..

we are the lovers that loved just a bit too hard,
hearts barely pieced together with the most unreliable adhesive.
at any moment your heart can give in & die out
yet still you wander into the depths of the unknown.
you still explore & you still give your hearts away,
your will to love is such a beautiful thing.

just like everything else,
you are who say you are.
you are not subjected to rhyme schemes
and bars.
no literacy rules and proper grammar.
no literacy tools and open stanzas.
it doesn’t matter what you write,
as long as it’s from your heart and
it doesn’t matter how many poems you have
or how long ago you started.
all that matters is that you love it
& you let your words speak.
do not be focused on anyone else
and please do not seek:
validation.
if you feel you can be better,
just be patient.
no ones ahead of anyone
we are all ADJACENT.
we are all writers and we all have stories to share,
we are all exactly who we say we are,
incase you were unaware.

it felt so good to feel nothing at all.
it felt so good to be alone,
in a world of my own.
im never searching for an answer,
yet always chasing my frustration.
& although i move a bit too fast,
i always find myself coming back..
to myself.
sometimes im running,
sometimes im too caught up to move an inch.
today im cashing in bad luck and pleading for a clean slate and
tonight ill be moving full-speed,
hunting fear under the moonlight.

who knows what tomorrow holds..

non-existent stillness,
making a mess of my psyche.
playlist of memories on shuffle
but i think my shuffle button is broken.
losing hope like a needle on carpet,
trying to hold on before it drop it.
trying to stay sane and in the moment.
am i really back to being sober?

they say love is the answer
but when i call you never answer me.
you hit decline,
& you so quick to delete.
& im sorry im so selfish,
im so sorry
i can’t help it.
im not hopeless,
im not helpless
but it hurts when you’re not here.
maybe cause im never there,
maybe cause i never share
anything..
-
clear misunderstanding,
& it’s hard to believe
that you are so naive
& so willing to leave.
so quick to call my bluff,
& say that i am deceiving.
always disregard my love,
you never notice the changes.

it feels so good to take it slow,
to take a breath & let things go.
releasing stress,
& tension too.
no matter what you’re going through
just take it slow,
one step,
one day.
despite the challenges you face,
don’t over think or complicate.
just take it slow,
this is the way.

no affection.
this is real
real raw
like no protection.
my mind says my body needs pleasure n’ touch.
my body says it’s ok &  my imagination’s enough.
im about to erupt.

& even tho in this moment,
my heart is still beating,
well.. barely
& for all of the wrong reasons..
it had mustered up the strength to mend the pieces,
stop bleeding.
just so i can keep breathing.
just so i can keep living..
& loving.
see
my heart,
it made something of nothing.

you must be real hefty;
you broke free of a love that gripped so tight.
a love that held on with dear life.
a love that saw no wrong or right.
won’t let you go without a fight.

& in the same breath you saved me & destroyed me..

i would be lying if i said  i have clear sighting of what’s to come next..
im walking blindly.
without a care.
without fear.
without needing anyone to be here.
if it destroys me then ill die knowing that i stood firm,
by myself.
for myself.
without your help.
you won’t bring me to my knees.
you’re what i want
not what i need.

it’s like my feelings are a game
& my heart is the main entrance to the place where you go to get your rocks off.
then leave when you become bored.
we won’t see you for several days or even several months
until one day you come strolling in with your perfect essence & words of affection.
carelessly flinging around emotions and seeking amusement through my misery.
you’re no different.

& i don’t know how much weight visions hold on your scale of zero to relevant,
but i know that mine are not to be threaded upon lightly.
i don’t dream much,
but like the first time i missed it,
twice in specific
you were the target of submission.
feelings and spaces so vivid
but so much still left unclear.
& i could feel you so direct
like you were standing right there....

update

been falling asleep to the sounds of you,
mocking me.
& every time you say you’re gone,
i hope for good.
from September of 17
to new beginnings in 19;
from raging enemies,
to dreams of all that could.
-
like all of our personalities had split personalities,
inconsistency played big reality.
& im always crushed when you leave.
the first few days are a breeze
then all my old wounds start to bleed.
i can’t control my breathing,
i am never at ease with you
and yet i always want to see you through.
and yet ill always wish the best for you.
-

im not saying everyday will be sunshine filled
and im not saying everyday will be calm & still.
im just saying don’t make yourself a home in the madness,
just make your bed,
& stay the night,
to make acquaintance with sadness.
pack up your things,
& make an effort,
move on.
cause you will surely lose yourself
if you stay for too long.

most of us are fighting wars within ourselves;
& we project them onto people that are sent to be of help.
most of us are too busy,
most of us are too linear in the way we are living.
most of us want to love
but aren’t prone to forgiving.
most of us are full of pride,
most of us just run & hide.
most of us,
we know the truth
but we stay comfortable in lies.
most of us are everything that we despise.

the smallest measures
are the trigger to the most violent break downs,
that’s how i know
that it’s a war and not a game.
a thousand miles in just one minute,
a loaded gun,
erasing moral innocence,
dismissing all of soul’s initial claims.

two minute series speaking volume,
sharing hints when i am cynical.
yours words always seem viable,
they take control of my mental.
you know she knows
that’s why you’re quick to question loyalty.
you know she knows that you’re not fit to prove your loyalty.
i am the catch
& if you disagree
you’re dismissed
you see,
i **** egos,
make them none to exist.

love has turned us into enemies,
a love gone spoiled,
a broken bond.
we lost touch with loving energies
we’re enemies.
but we’re supposed to be in love.
love wasn’t enough
to keep us in love.
we’re out of touch
so beautiful,
what it could’ve been.

you will forever hold the memories of you and me.
my presence,
in you,
will live on.
you’ll look back on these days,
and you will see
what was true.
you’ll miss me
when im gone.

as you uncover your eyes
and discover your soul
the ego forms a distraction.
it feeds you lies,
reflecting pride
it makes you blind
to what’s inside
and then it thrives
on your clumsy reaction.

all of your words,
so sweet.
you are my weakness.
your soothing voice
quiets my soul,
leaving me speechless.
you have the power to destroy me
at your will.
ill give it all to have you here and now
until.
id give so much for just one moment,
to feel your embrace.
one minute with you,
alone,
alive,
so warm in your space.
he loves me.
-
you possess so much control
over my emotions,
there is no way that i can let you hold this power.
i am so trusting.
at the moment,
what will you do if i offend?
discard my feelings,
my emotions?
or claim it all to be pretend?
                    
              he loves me not.

i don’t see a dying earth;
i see everything we need to make our hearts pure,
define our tears,
dismiss depression
and wipe out fears.
i see that the most ancient sources connect us to the divine truth that is waiting patiently on the day that a dying humanity pauses for a moment to acknowledge,
show appreciation
and remember.
-
it’s not the world that has gone to ****,
it is the culture that has inhabited it.
there’s not a problem that we cannot see a solution to
it just depends on the window that you are looking through.
there’s not a god up in the sky,
a god of earth
you wonder why
made in its image,
you and i.
-
we hold the change that we so solemnly seek.
you think it’s gone cause
it’s been buried so deep.
but if you do a little digging,
search beyond your common mind
you’ll find your light,
uncover truth
&
see you’ve got to trust the signs.

11:11,
with heads to the heavens
i preach words of the holy one
like i am a reverend.
i speak words into the universe,
i am aware & i know,
that my faith is decider
of how far i go.
my mind is a weapon,
my love is a drug,
my soul has the depth of the oceans.
my creator accepting,
sends love from above,
bringing all the good vibes into motion.

a stoic queen;
the one you only
see up close in dreams.
so rare,
& so esteem.
so powerful,
& so supreme.
-
keep the mind open,
& the doors closed.
you can’t enter in
the temple of the black rose.
too much drama,
you can’t enter
til you’re composed.
yes i know,
all things that glitter
really ain’t gold.
& all the slick attempts,
the slick intent,
intricate men,
your game is tired.
-
if you enter,
then you enter
at your own risk.
a stingy genie,
she may only
grant you one wish.
hard to please,
she’s seen it all,
hard to reach,
no mating call.
this is the land of no men.