they say the same walls that block out fear will keep the happiness away.
so these days im roaming freely,
seeking all in vast array.
-
letting walls down,
opened for trespassing,
unlocking doors now.
-
no longer watching my steps,
i may just trip the alarm.
i may just take over the world,
i may not ever make a sound.
i may not ever come around again,
i'm feeling lowly,
im in search of
higher ground again.

i wish i had your guidance
and your confidence.
i could have used your motivational speeches
and your spark,
or just your shoulder
and warm embrace.
i wish you could see the look on my face as i died slowly by the hands of myself,
as i cried out for help
and for creator to end all existence that existed around me
and within me.
maybe if i had your intuitive demeanor i could have understood my intuition,
if i had your drive i could have understood patience and persistence.
if i had your advice i could have avoided all of the mishaps of yesterday that somehow,
very strangely,
turned into wisdom for my today.
i needed you,
i thought i could never find you.
i thought i wouldn't make it pass 16,
and at 21,
i am the woman i wish i had as a girl.

explore it,
let it inspire you.
become friends,
become lovers,
become so obsessive that you question its intent on your sanity.
invest in it.
make it your peace while you
treat it as if you were an unstable person,
fed up and seeking holy ground;
in search of validation,
in search of balance,
desperate,
willing to discipline,
willing to adjust...
and when you both come to grips or a mutual agreement;
be loyal,
be open,
be so ******* honest
and
be understanding
but most of all be patient.

i speak my fate,
affirm my truth
and place my trust within you.
you charge me up,
you feed me love,
you bring my destiny too.
wether full or new,
waxing or wane;
you smile down at my ritual,
you bless me with gain.
you keep me company,
you know all of my secrets.
you let me fall apart
then gather all my pieces.

white face,
black face.
no basis.
-
white race,
black race.
no place for the theories other than physical reality.
basic and so mortal,
the massive mentality.
believe in everything else
but themselves.
-
ignore their cries for help,
feed into everything else.

im yours if you let me.
let me wild out,
respect me.
never turn down,
neglect me.
-
let me be myself,
show me off to all your friends.
tell them that you've entered new dimensions,
& new realms.
you've uncovered truths that you never believed in,
looking with the eyes
that say all looks arent decieving.
you're commited to decieving.

i was stone cold,
rock hard.
i hid my heart away
from all acclaimed as worthy
i just had to keep it safe.
i was bitter,
unfamiliar
with a touch poorly displayed.
each time i would encounter you
my interest would evade.
didnt know what i was feeling but
it always felt so strange.
a few hundred light years later
& i think my view has changed...
-
i find myself crumbling at the touch of your warmth,
and in the arms of your embrace
i could weather any storm.
my barriers are breaking,
no room left to escape.
im in the space
where you conditioned
my state,
without credit or mention;
and this feeling that i once built for war
and for tension...
now has my attention.

i know that you're happy...
most days.
& i know that you're cautious
looking out,
both ways.
i see that you're focused,
on a path,
you seek wealth.
& i know that these days you rarely feel like yourself.
i know that you're human
& if not human then,
i know that you were here long enough
so you're conditioned
to the nature of the human &
humanly conditions.
i know that your position makes it hard to go slow,
im listening and watching all the actions you show.
a glimpse of where you can go,
and where you can grow.
i see you,
i know
that i cant judge a book by its cover
or by another.
& i know we're distant by ages,
i know i cant predict the story
by only reading two pages.

strong connection
to whats destined;
bring the drama,
lose connection.
lose direction
when you feed too much perceptions.
desolation is the new tie,
addressing what you deny.
true colors start to show,
but did they ever really go?
regardless if you saw,
you knew.
we moved too fast so
we outgrew
the spark that brought us to ignition;
that gave us all we needed,
a free trial
and permission.
& its not that it wasn't meant to be
but most of us are blind to what we say and we want to see...

the first of its kind,
look closer you'll find
a hint and a sign
of a brilliant,
divine
work of art.
far from usual,
and so far apart
from the ordinary.
tell me,
where else have you seen her?
the true face of god.
so much strength,
her demeanor
shines,
glistens like the jewels in a chest
but she's buried underground,
beneath the mark of an x.
which lucky seeker
thats hunting for treasure
-
will get the privilege,
be blessed with much pleasure?

uninspired yet still so inspired.
-
moving at a reasonable pace but sometimes i start to wonder if im moving..
or moving fast enough.
left my faith in the hands of the universal decider;
& im not worried
i just need reassurance.
then a message so timely,
on the walls in the sky brings awareness to the questions of who, how and why.
"you are here, you exist.
all that you seek is in the midst of all that surrounds you.
feed your spirit,
let it ground you.
bring you back down to the earth,
no need to question or search.
divine timing and plans
are in motion and stands with the forces that were sent here to guide you.
for reassurance take another look inside you."
thank you!

theres still chaos in midst of the stillness.
a balance,
the bad mixed with good its
thrilling...
not knowing what to expect
& through it all
ill live on with no trace of regret.
each step brings me closer to the edge of possibility;
each time that i fall i am refocused on humility,
my agility,
my courage,
my ability to rise
becomes louder than my cries.
faith louder than my fears,
fill a river with my tears;
i embrace them
for they are not a sign of weakness.
only the strong survive,
no space amongst us for the weak.
less focus on the trials,
we dont recognize a worry.
to each its own,
to each a throne,
a space to re-write the story.

who am i?
soul and spirit,
disguised.
i am more than you can see with the eyes.
small in size,
with a mass of light
stored inside.
the entity that brings you strength,
to confide.
sent here to guide,
to bring peace,
to conquer,
override the systems.
to nurture hearts of victims
lost and hopeless,
losing sanity and focus.
i am me.
goddess,
flowing free.
sending power,
energy
from the inner me.

i dont wanna be like them;
miserable,
losing touch with who i am.
losing hope
more and more as the days go by.
living a lie.
i dont wanna be lost,
searching for something thats not there.
i wanna be here
with no worry or fear
of whats to come next,
or whats never to come.
i dont wanna be broken
by words left unspoken.
i wanna be whole,
in tuned with mind,
body,
spirit
& soul.
i dont wanna be just another being
living to die,
living to buy,
questioning why.

i sit and wonder how.
i often wonder why.
is this world only illusion
draw conclusions in the sky.
making shapes out of the clouds,
sharing poetry with trees.
bare-foot,
***** headed,
wind surrounding
bringing ease
to my worries.
the birds,
they listen to my stories.
they often speak back.
pure abundance,
no lack.
variety a plenty.
full of life,
never empty.
but i am empty
when i do not visit,
much rather stay in-doors.
so eager to explore
yet still afraid.
more so amazed
at your stillness
and your will
to carry on
so firm and strong.
holding the key
to nature's song.
i call you tree,
but you are me.
you are all i wish to be.
you are all i wish to see.

made a mess of self-expression,
turned softness to aggression.
missed all the healing sessions,
now nothing's left to question..
-
pretty bird,
can you fly again?
pretty bird,
you are one with the wind.
you hit the window,
once or twice.
seeking distance,
higher heights.
you're so pretty when you cry,
you're so pretty when you fly.

awake but unaware,
so asleep.
a mattress made of fear
and the sheets
protect you from the chills
of the truth as high as hills
and mountain peaks.
-
eyes open,
but you are looking
so blind.
look inward
you will see
and you will find
visuals of heart and soul,
spirit guided,
being whole,
and a certain form of peace
within your mind.

like a flower in May;
open.
til the next day,
closed.
with a caution
no entry,
there's no crossing
my mente.
to the love that wants to hold me forever,
& the arms that wish to hold me together:
once you've reached to the point of consideration,
consider waiting.
consider me broken,
searching for comfort.
hoping for consistent lover.
trying too hard to give the time and day,
giving my time away
to those that see no value in depth.
the ones that see my mystery as threat,
with no intentions of exploring,
a waste of space and so annoying.
no words left to be spoken,
keep me open.

it's a shame,
all rights reserved for human gain.
selfish and greedy,
lacking nothing,
still needy.

dont you pick upon that tree!
if you do then you will see
with vision that will set you free.
aware of all that you might be.
.... everything is everything.

dont you open up your mouth.
dont you open up your mind.
dont you search for any answers,
dont you fear what you might find?
arent you afraid of looking crazy
or stepping out of the norm?
youre in a box,
youre in a cage and you have always been warned
to watch your mouth and watch your actions.
senseless movements and distractions in your view
to keep you from truth,
the true forbidden fruit.

limited knowledge,
primitive logic.
the hidden secret known by the mystics and prophets.
subconsciously conscious,
you are the great creator.
there is no system thats greater.
the living product of your maker.
its a mind thing.
the silver lining lies within the aligning of your design.
your mere awareness is a sign.
see everything revealed in time.
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