"drown it out with music"
now drowned in un-amusement.
un-enthused
& now her smile isnt the same...
but in a good way.
-
jealousy turned acceptance,
hatred turned soft.
the flame in her eyes that caused a kundalini rise
has died...
but its a good thing.

now suddenly i have eyes that see in layers,
the ground has found its steadiness
& all my truths are written in stone;
never changing in context but always gaining new depth.
-

my spirit calls
and
my spirit speaks through writings on walls.
-
im still chained to third dimension,
it keeps me lowly.
im still caught up,
my attention is on all
that kills me slowly.
i thought that this was holy grounds,
now the grounds have divided.
somethings happening beneath the ground,
new stars have been ignited.
-
"ive never seen this much stars"...
i can say the very same.
the time is only here and now,
the earth has made her claim.

ive tried to silence the violence by confiding in figures
and shadows that cared only for what made little to no common-sense at all.
ive tried to salvage my balance by breathing in and out,
choosing different routes,
using words of mouth &
switching paces,
running far away from faces that were all too familiar.
my family ties are all deeply rooted in the lies of who i swore to be &
its the sickest of humor how who i swore to be is nowhere close to who i am.
-

-
i cant say that im ready to call it quits
or return to non-exist
but i am so tired of barely keeping it together.
-
i want to escape but where?
im seeing things unclear,
my only space of comfort is no longer here.
as i attempt to live present in each moment,
im trying to stay open;
holding onto all that's left
still wishing and still hoping
that all things will come together by the good that is in me.
-
my life is far beyond my understanding and
im having visions of living in a space that associates in no way,
shape or form with what stands before me...
-
this cannot be all that there is to my story;
so what is my purpose?
is it deeper than surface?
im asking ,
how do i root myself in madness
to cultivate the magic?
how do i save myself and save the world,
to them im just a little girl with dreams of change,
who's oh so strange...

to stay here in this moment
or fast-forward a million light years ...
into the age
where whats small is praised and glorified;
everyone has crooked smiles
and there are miles and miles of peace and purity;
everything is in black and white but color is all we see..
idk if its just me but i want to explore...
i want to know more.

face your judgement,
you’re in question.
run for cover,
seek protection if you want
but this is destined.
-
wash us clean,
wipe away all signs of weakness.
-
its on purpose that you are here,
placing all in account.
no matter where you run and hide,
no matter age or amount.
-
who dare fall back into old ways of being?

waging war through winds,
no sign of stillness in the distance...
spewing words as clear as day,
"change your ways"...
its been far too long
you’ve stood stagnant in fear.
watching creation fall apart by the hands of you
and all who claim to be who they are not.
humble yourself…
-
shifted poles,
forget the old and start anew.
your life was spared,
do you know why?
do you know who?
i feel her pain,
i know her name,
we have stolen her heart.
we have reached the point of desolation,
get on your mark.

i made a friend out of fire,
fire burns without desire
and yearns for no companion,
its okay alone.
i see how it moves,
i see how it sways,
and seeks to destroy if it is betrayed...

i cant be amongst you to recreate you;
when you see me all you see is yourself.
all you see is your current situation,
the falling of a nation
that fell before it ever even fell.
too many spells casted,
too many guns blasted,
too many things drastic,
too many not matching the flow & the way.
so shine your light,
lead the way.
change your life,
change your ways.
this is life,
its amazing
if you see it with the eye,
and you feel it with the mind
then you free it with the heart
and connect the broken lines.
one with the earth,
you are aligned,
you are in touch.
you'll rise again,
you'll be okay,
don't self-destruct.

What's time and distance but a measurement,
measuring moments that never last but can stick with you forever.
A simple range of reference,
how you take the moments in life is your preference.
The pleasures in life don't lie in things, but the events.
The 'present' moment is a gift,
all that matters is right here.
Tomorrow isn't promised though it seems to be so near.
Fear of losing beautiful moments so present
I get lost in the evidence of those events.
Fear of losing, an illusion.
Understanding, the solution.
Everything has a shelf life
It all comes to end
But, the pain of losing it' s all worth it in the end
No regrets, no cursing, no lamenting
Every ending is a perfect ending..
the end.

seek you first,
you are the kingdom of god
and righteousness is yours to keep.

it’s hard to make things make sense
and i try not to vent
when i see pens and papers;
my friends,
my saviors.
-
i see nothing else,
i see only what’s sense-less
and
i saw nothing since this
journey to nowhere began.
this race that im running has ran
out of time and energy.
no pride so
no enemy,
no threat to my entity...
-
what exists isn’t critical.
one may seem too
individual.
when i look up at my visual
i see hope
and i see stars.
i see broken,
i see scars.
-
may your heart heal,
may you act as you feel
while being genuine
what’s real
will reveal.

like a sunflower in a bouquet of bright red roses..
you were chosen.
-
the weakest link,
or so it seems.
who'd ever think
a stoic queen
could be so far behind the scene
& never seen.
-
never seeking mere attention,
only focus is ascension,
elevation,
with intentions so pure...
-
and no one is really sure
who you are
or
whose you are
i swear they've never seen your kind.
so brilliant,
so divine.
so free,
and so inclined
to spread love & light,
with no motive or spite
just a vision,
a clear sight of
what's righteous.

she's a minimalist;
with a minimal list of things that she desires,
and
things that she requires.
-
she's at one with all things,
so with her all things are one.
she never folds
nor does she run away.
she stays calm
and collected.
with actions dare reflecting
a light that's so flourescent,
posing questions...
like
"who are you?"
"from where have you came?"
"where have I seen you?"
and
"what is your name?"

and if you ever do anything...
make sure to feel good about it,
feel good in it,
free yourself through it.
if you love it,
dont ask questions,
go ahead and just do it.
its your life,
you should live it.
give it time or just give it all you’ve got.

as far as contentment goes,
im losing sight.
im going mad,
ensuring everything is right.
and what is right?
right?
-
see, its a battle of the
ego vs self...
-
ego wants the linear,
self wants the lesser.
ego wants a challenge,
ego folds when under pressure.
self wants ascension,
minimal attention.
self wants what's pure.
and the ego wants what's sure.
-
self says to "be still"
while the ego says "compete",
if they cant work together,
will i ever be complete?
-
but,
in the end,
it works out.
in the end they work together,
in harmony and balance.
now as one,
they live forever.