I wish I could write about balance
Yet it seems much is lost with me
Like the philosophy that used to define
Or the friends who used to get high
Yes, it seems I have aged for the worse
Becoming the very thing I fought against
The usual nine to five employee
Whose life revolves around a clock
Desperately waiting for the ringing bell
So that I might go home just to start over
"Can you help me with my homework?"
I'm a father now and having a purpose
Helps to cleanse the monotony
Yet, there is always that lingering thought
Who am I
Is this balance?
Or is balance lost?
The uncertainty is maddening as I return to the present
"Life is the geometric progression of experience"
It slips out and they want and explanation
I internalize my struggle
As I struggle to reconnect with my former philosopher
So I draw two dots for them
One is me now and one is me then
"Boys, this dot here is who your father was"
"This other dot is who he's become"
"Perhaps the value of the latter is less than its former"
"Maybe mathematics got it wrong and real value doesn't have a power"
"Or ratio to determine greatness"
"What if the father you know now is less than the man he was"
"Like that negative sign I find myself subtracting"
"Removing years and tears and time"
"In an attempt to find that simple balance"
"Possessed by a mind without a factor"
The boys look up to me as I hide my shame
They know men do not cry
"Its okay Dad, we love you for who you are now"
"You've become more than just a simple number"
"To us, you are the worlds greatest father"
There it is
I think to myself
I am found
The reason I continue through the pain
Minds claim to know that which is not.
Foundations... they are broken and they rot.
From the rubble is found a truth stronger than life;
To understand that knowing is nothing but
Standing on our understanding.
Now we 'K'now
My first poem.
The fever subsides
Washed away with a purity of focus
Focusing on the sweet harmonies
That only mother nature can heal
As her tears fall
So to do the responsibilities
Responsible for the sickness
Which so plagues the mortal soul
Bound in chains
Shackled by obligations
Afraid to face the truth
That their worldly lifestyle
Conflicts with the natural world
So it rains
To mother nature's horror
We push and pull
Like a set of magnets
We are drawn and arranged
In such a way
As to offset normally balanced poles
Into an array of dizzying fractals
Playing off one another
In a symphonic harmony
With a disphonic ferrousity
Until we are drawn closer
And dance in the force of our love
Our attraction unlimited
For one known to sojourn
The world becometh but a fraction
With every incremental journey
The puzzle of life clarifies
Like an uncouth window in need of cleaning
Every swipe removing a haze
That had previously clouded your vision
So that absent your cataracts
Each new destination resolved
And the beauty what lay beyond
And as you merge into nature
Father asks you:
“Do your legs not tire little one?”
Enthusiastic you mew the contrary
You always were the contrarian
Springing away in leaps and bounds
In search of the next great adventure
Waiting around the next bend
I watch you go feeling proud of my little girl
Yelling after her:
“Daddy loves you my little traveler
Be sure to return with tales of your exploits.”
Like clockwork she returned again and again
As days became months and those to years
I began to fear the day when you no longer came
That day is today my baby kitten
And my heart aches for just one more story
From the one cat known as Sojourner
Daddy misses you so much
I hope your final journey was peaceful little one. I will never forgive myself for not being there with you.
What words left unspoken
Speak callous to the mute
For it is grace to give sound
Like the rushing water
Heard from a background ravine
Just out of reach
Woe it is that such secrets rest
That truth ranks second
En lieu of base expression
Deeming stoic pretense superior
To turbulent interior
Similar to the focus of a predator
Stalking it's prey
Waiting for the perfect opportunity
To sate the quiet hunger
Patiently lying in wait
Oh, it is a shame that masks be worn
For behind that false visage
Rests a truth
Feel incomplete like something is missing. Any advice?
Deceptive it sleeps
Waiting for the rage
A break in the torrent
Singular focus pulses
Needing to be released
Craving blood for blood
And then words
Are not enough
The demon patient