Justice was her name
Just because you follow the law does not make you sane
Asylums were built
The tea burned her
Instead of soothing
Sunshine for a name
Maybe to cover their guilt
Imagine begging for the screaming to stop
When your the one yelling loud enough to be heard on the rooftop
Her brain was the frying pan
Her soul in flames
She was a dangerous thing
Always angry never letting go
Revenge was her dinner plate
Evilness her pride
Yet like a flower was her soft side
Always being picked
Crucifix
She just wanted to die
Demons were the darkness in her eye
A flower plucked and left to die
I tried to save her
I really did
A home for a foster kid
I gave her dirt, water and a ***
Not enough sunshine
My efforts were in vain
I couldn't help her and remain sane
I'm so scared to leave
Her dead spirit haunts me
The sun hides behind the clouds
Aren't I lucky?

Shattered
Stuck in oblivion
Naive girl
Unprepared for the world

You know what hurts
That we ignore all the wrong things
Nothing is real until It effects us personally
Society is so messed up
But why complain
What will it change?
Nothing
In a way we're all the same
They try to separate us
You wanna be different sure
But you aren't
Every feeling you have has already been felt
All the rotten tragedies and the historical comedies have been acted out
You know what hurts
How everyone I know
Doesn't know me
Guess staying in a shell has some consequences
But when you're outgoing you are desperate
How do you win
What is the point of all of this
Who will stay strong and who will give in
You know what hurts
How lonely people feel like they only exist when somebody else needs something and the one person who wasn't trying to use them gets pushed away
You know what hurts
How we will chase somebody who doesn't love us back ignoring the person who will treat us way better
You know what hurts
Life
Experiences with desire
Also strife
Cold nights
Warm days
Sweet Champagne
Wine
Sour grapes

Laughs and giggles
You're to weird to be anything but happy
They depict me as a fool
To them I'm just a tool
Why do I care
They act like I'm not there
Guess I'm a shadow
A ghost
They say it is what you make it
But I didn't make anything
Clear my name
**** my pain
I'm going insane
I hate to be used
Especially abused
But to them I'm a carpet with the words
A woe muse
I'm their stepping stone
But in the end they'll forget about me
Because I'm only an insignificant being
Just a source of entertainment
I'm not their tv's
It's not fair
Yes I am goofy but I'm also smart and dark
Honestly, a piece of art
You messed up my target
When your darts took flight
Never get to know me
Words roll
Your tongue cuts like a blade
Razor sharp
You always have a comeback
Being positive is the ability you lack
I'm too weird to be anything but happy
You're the fool
Anyone can play pretend
And I happen to be good at acting
Because I fooled you

Empty bottomless pit
The death wish
This feeling really won't end.

Have I relapsed into my depression?
Does everything I say have a dark expression?
Am I sleeping too much and not eating enough?

I force a smile and say I'm fine
Oh how I wish truth seeped from my lips
But it's all lie

Empty bottomless pit
My life is full of nothingness
If I vanished no one would notice
Even my soul does not want me

Bless you
I sneezed

Feel the cool breeze
Just what I need to mock my feelings

Haven't talked for six days
So long to be cut off from the person you love the most
But even when their around the distance can be felt
The air is coated with awkwardness
What are we doing
All of this is pointless
We're both loners who fell in love just to fall out
We both know but in the communication department we are slow
It's just not working out he let me know
It's too hard
His perseverance is all for show
So conceited
He dropped me like trash
But littering isn't a felony
I over exaggerated
I tried to fix the broken but instead got embarrassed
Asked his best friend about him
He said he was just emo
But I'm the one on my period
How am I taking this better than him
I'm also all for show
Surprised I didn't snap
Oh crap it's really over
Told my "friend" but she says to let go of him
All these voices in my ear
None are his
Put my headphones in
The faucet runs through my eyes
My thoughts always have a twist
My brain is such a pessimist
All of this could've been solved
If communication was our resolve
It's over
That was all that needed to be said
No explanation
Everything we had is dead

Tears drop for the absence of my emotions
Unrequited love is a powerful potion

When I see them there is just this empty feeling
Lonliness gnaws at my pillow
Though I am willing

To find another love.

Sleepless nights wipe my eyes
I never had this problem before I knew what it was like

To have someone stand by my side.

No remedy found
There is no cure to this curse

To reverse the remains of a void.

She was a charlatan
An imposter
Her acting was exposed
Splattered on a roster

Clemency
They would pass no mercy
Life, bitter like a pickle
Sweet like a hershey

Culpable
Who is to blame
Such a thin line between crazy and sane

The culprit was caught in a swamp of guilt
The one thing the murderer could not ****

Exonerate my name
It's such a shame
They love to point fingers
Yet everyone did the same

You won't give me what I need
I'll extort
Donald trump deports
When will we even the score

The felony had been erased
Or so she thought
So long ago she had been caught
Opened up to one whom she thought she could talk
It was all a tale
Snakes once walked

She is incorrigible
Stuck in a lie
Denial was the gleam in her eye
To be defiled would be to lose her shine

She stole in pilfers
A ruse from her dealer
Anger flashed inside
She would make sure his death was worth every dime she never had,
At the ****** mess she made, she chimed
Then dined, drinking red wine

Reprobate
Reprimand
They just demanded obedience
But she doesn't answer to man

I think I hate myself because I unintentionally hurt everyone else
Who dealt me these cards
Wish they knew how I felt

I'm a sponge
I soak up so much
But after I'm used up
I dry out and start to stink
People get rid of me

Take my impaired soul apart
Til death do us part
Fill my heart with scars
You think I'm cute and smart
Preparing for the start
I know I stumble in the dark
I'm horrible
Look at my life
Look at how I spend my time
Judge til no anger flows
Hurt me til you feel the need to no more
Pour out my empty cup
I have nothing left to give
All I ever had was me
I'm never enough for anyone
It won't work out
Head filled with doubt
The inside will shout
Silence, you hear now
Listen to the wind whispering
You won't need me
No one wants you ugly
My bee sting
My eyes burning
My heart yearning
My brained abandoned
I think my plane has unvoluntarily landed
It crashed to the ground
And now I'm safe and sound
Buried so deep in dirt
Forget me
Or should I beg for your forgiveness
Just leave me
All you ever saw was desperate
Take my impaired soul apart
This mess of art
Unloved
Unknown
Stupid and slow
No boat afloat
Fill my heart with scars
I'm already broken
Life full of evaporated oceans
Should've came faster
You evil *******
Preparing for the start
Your the light by my side
But I stumble in the dark

Happiness is blinding
So many things above me
Hope you love me
I live in an unrealistic world
Asking myself questions no one knows the answers to
I am dying
And I'm tired of pretending
I just want help
It's not too late for me
I'm not all the way gone
This isn't the point of no return
It still hurts
Imma let it burn
The fire is churning
I'm learning
Lessons to be forgotten
I'm dashing
They're all laughing
My naiveness
They love to deceive
Take advantage
Bystanders appease bullies
"Friends" leave
Life drains me
I'm in a strainer
So dehydrated
I tried to find the water that'd evaporated
My head raised to the sky
It's just a drought
They said rain would come but it's all a lie

I was hoping time could heal my wounds
I thought asking for help would mend my pain
But impaired people like me push others away
Silence benefits the oppressors not the victims
Just like money is a rich man's love and a poor man's wishes
I was hoping time could heal my wounds
But I'm still the same
Seek a different way
They saw me as desperate but to be honest
We all have something we would drop everything for
Only my choices could even the score
And the thing I lacked
That I was desperate for
Could fix the core
Of every source
That has ever left me torn

I was hoping time could heal my wounds
I thought asking for help would mend my pain
But impaired people like me push others away
Silence benefits the oppressors not the victims
Just like money is a rich man's love and a poor man's wishes
I was hoping time could heal my wounds
But I'm still the same
Seek a different way
They saw me as desperate but to be honest
We all have something we would drop everything for
Only my choices could even the score
And the thing I lacked
That I was desperate for
Could fix the core
Of every source
That has ever left me torn

I don't travel much
But right now I'm on a journey
Hoping I can use it as a distraction to keep my soul from hurting
I just want to sleep
But slumber won't find me
I don't travel much
But I'm hoping to find myself
Because back at home the focus seems to be on everyone else

I sit alone
No one stands by my side
My mother left me
I'm waiting for my ride
One more service I tell myself again
It kills me inside
But it's a lost cause
Because I died so long ago
From feeling so alone

You don't know her
She is always forgotten

In your memories but soon your lips will only describe her as nondescript

The script of her life
How did she go from being so sweet to rotten
From just nightmares to sleep walking

Sweet ole her
Innocent and pure
Now she is impaired

In the need of refinement
But she doesn't have the strength to try it

You see she is chained to the past
Barely saw her dad
He was mean
Always got the last word

Drunk and abusive
Her mom was an unbloomed tulip
Looked kind but was bitter to her daughter

They'd fight and she would cry at night
She was ashamed of and had extreme anger for mother

How can you watch as she takes hits
Instead of intervening

Police bust down the doors and drag dad to jail
To the homeless shelter we go
No money, no home
It is cold

I barely knew what was going on around me
Refuse to talk to adults because they were all so confusing
And honestly my questions only led to answers that were lies

I had fear in my eye
The things that I had seen
The smoke filled air I'd breathe

Let's not forget the bullies
That talk stuff because I was so "imperfect"

Never had the latest brands
Because mom had no bands

Let's not forget how dad was back again
All hope was drained
She had thoughts of suicide and then a boy came

Walked his way in
She spilled her ink onto his page
He left anyways

Guess her story was too boring

You don't know her
You did at a time

She is nothing but rotten
And only meant to be forgotten

Why did God make life like this
I get that perfection is a delusion
And that eventually Jesus will come back for us
Destroying the earth
Ending the way it stared
With love having the last say
Back to darkness
Which was before the creation of day
Why did God make pain like this
How does he expect me to be happy living this way
All I find is misery
Maybe this religion isn't for me
But I do believe he is real
I just don't get why it takes my scars so long to heal
He breaks me down til' I am nothing
Gives me wisdom
Gives me strength
And when I start moving too fast
He takes it away
I just don't get why he made pain the way it is
Pictures of mournfulness
There has to be more than this
I know I'm not alone
But it feels that way
And when I talk
I feel like it's to myself
But then I remember sometimes the answers to prayers are no
Do this
Do that
To enter the kingdom of heaven
Sometimes I feel like life was given as a punishment for the crucification of his son
But God is too loving and merciful
Doesn't it also say vengeance belongs to God in the Bible

She is nice
She is kind
People walk on her all the time
When she gets mad
They  all laugh
It just makes her look cute
She doesn't like being a carpet
Appreciable
This problem needs to be noticed
She spoke out against their treatment
They spat in her face
She turned the other cheek
Now she is mean
They surrounded her with bad
She tried to stay sweet
But bitterness did now cower
It devoured
Darkness invaded the light
Why would we walk over somebody who treats us kind
And give so much attention to those who irk us
So many things in this world are backwards

Out on the dock
You asked for my heart
So many times it was torn apart
This one is different
I lied to myself but it was ok
Sometimes smiles minimize pain
Doubt in the back of my mind
I show you my scars
My ocean of secrets
My oasis of truth
My bottles full of past things I never let go
Reopen old wounds for you
Very unconventional
But it was you and you deserved to know
You broke bottle after bottle when I begged you to stop
Tore out my heart and left me dying on the dock
No tears fell from my eyes
You looked into mines, turned around and never took a second glance
But I begged for you to come back and help me
Screamed your name but you ignored
As my blood mixed with the salt in the ocean
I saw into the future
You with another girl
Where was I
Out on the dock
Waiting for something that wasn't going to happen
Unconventional and unintentionally
I cut off anything that could've healed me
Surrounded my self with glass
Bound by the past
Love I couldn't let go of held me back

I search for the things that don't exist
I went from an optimist dreamer to a skeptic pessimist
I went from being a caring activist to narcissistic and selfish
I went from being mute to everyone wishing I had a muzzle
I went from knowing what I wanted to being indecisive and puzzled
I went from going along with what they said
To questioning everything that we did
I went from sweet to cold
From honey to bitter like mold
My heart had been sold
Where was my soul going to go
I was stumbling in the dark
While others decided my fate
I went from restless to sleeping the day away
What had happened to me I don't know
At first it didn't show
No one knew
Barely anyone knows
I pretend to have a handle
A grip on my life
All this time I've been slipping
Trying to hold onto the edge of the cliff
It's just a matter of time before someone does me the way scar did to Mufasa
Put the clock back up
I can't change the past
Broken bones get put in a cast
Trying to find people to fill my gap
But the void won't leave
I search for the things that don't exist
I lost my hope
But somehow hope finds me
Pleading for me to reverse the damage
My casualties inflicted
Oppressing affliction
My heart keeps asking when I'll stop playing the victim

I'm done with life
Tired of hiding all my strife
Frowning hopefully somebody will notice or care
Sitting in my chair
A mouthful to say but the words are err
All the wrong thoughts going through my head
Wishing I was dead
Because I feel like I've lost all life
I hate when I'm there and I'm not here
Feeling so alone but so many others are near
I'll be fine as long as I don't resolve to tears

I can't take back something I couldn't do
And what I couldn't do 
Was tell the truth 
I was just protecting you
And I know your pressed because of my complicated ways
I still think about you everyday
And everyone thinks I'm over it 
But I still feel the same
Some things just aren't meant to be 
I feel that's how it is with you and me
And it hurts me to know that you wouldn't tell me the truth 
Because I never lied to you
My lies protected your life
But all your eyes saw was someone hiding the truth 
Something you so easily do 
And maybe I was wrong 
But I'd rather be a liar and not jeopardize your life
Although you ruined mines
Than to stay up every night with the brutal truth of knowing you lost your life
Because I couldn't tell a lie
All I did was protect you
I won't regret it
Even if it did hurt you
Which I never meant to do
I couldn't tell the truth
No what I mean to say
Is I chose not to

I keep trying to forget what we had
I'm done with my feelings
I'm not mad or sad
Kind of embarrassed but it won't show
You'll never know
How much I tried to forget
And trust me I do
Avoidance of memories is my goal
But the people you chill with won't leave me alone
I'm running home
Constant reminders
That your life is full of butterflies and all I have is spiders

You always leave when I need you the most
I fear that I'm just looking in the mirror
I wish I could say I loved myself
But how can I love someone I barely know
I'm here but I'm not
I hear but I'm not listening
I repeat but I'm not getting it
I explained the truth but tried my best to avoid reality
The sugarcoat on life is dreams
So when I stopped having them I felt dead to the world
A girl who closes her eyes and sees nothing but the darkness of another night
You always leave when I need you the most
I fear that I'm just looking into a mirror
Everything is so unclear
The person I once knew is nothing more than a blur
She disappeared
I'm a mere ghost
The one time I don't remember and it hurts

She is content with what she has but I always want more
I'm not myself
The poor are in need of necessities that will finally be enough
Dreams of being the next big thing
Fill my cup
Asking for more and more
But with wealth comes greed
These are the warnings we don't heed when asking for what we wanted

I am feeling very small
Like I don't need to feel at all
But numbness doesn't last
Only a step in my emotional fall
Give me the luxuries of a queen
And shower me with everything I could've wanted
And I still will not find my happiness
Because everything is as black as coal
As cold as a blizzard
That leaves 11 inches of snow
You can try
With material things
Buy me diamond necklaces and a ring
But it won't mean a thing
If you don't treat me as rare as the accessories and jewels
Money can't buy me love just materials
They have no heart
So you ask me if I'm happy
I reply with a thank you for all you have given
But I've been deprived of love
So my final answer is I'd rather have love than diamond rings
Because to me love is rarer than the most expensive items you can buy
Love is a jewel itself
Show me with actions not a stone
Because my heart is breaking
Due to feeling alone
It's only me and loads of cash
Wishing I had what I needed the most looking back

I was broke
I was down
There seemed to be no one around

I tell stories of my past
Foolish things I did
It's cool because I can look back and laugh

Some people I know get mad
I'm just glad
No longer naive

Lessons learned
I'm sure there are more ahead of me

I was broke
I was down
There seemed to be no one around

I ****** the things I need off the shelves
Put them in my baggy shirt and leave
Hands in the pockets of my jeans

Walking down the street
Cop sirens are all I'm hearing
Always looking back to make sure they aren't after me

I don't want to be charged for petty thief
Look people straight in the eye and lie to them

After a while of this
I couldn't feel guilt
I'm remorseless

I had a dream and the shoe didn't fit
I woke up and it did
My evil mothers magic
I was Cinderella
The one at the ball
Nah it was all a trick
When I came to realize
I was always the one who wanted the prince
But I never get him
I was the ugly face
That Disney made
They never do tell the whole thing
Like before that story
Because I was once sweet
But eventually my demons caught up to me
And jealousy fueled my hatred
I waited for him to save me
He never came
They call me evil but it's a mistake
Make up covers my face
But inside I know I'm a disgrace

Hole in the curtain
My father says keep the windows closed
The neighbors have cameras
What are they trying to expose
My father lies to find the truth
Eventually he stopped asking what was wrong
My mask was not coming off
He asks for lyrics
And I gave him a wordless song

I wonder what'd it be like to find my own body sprawled out in the kitchen
Another tragedy that could've been prevented
If the dumb girl had just vented
But honestly no one would listen
People would think she was crazy
And no one was guaranteed to keep her secrets
Too judge mental
She didn't need this
I wonder what'd it be like knowing the last thing you said was bye
And then find my slit wrists and blood on the floor tonight
I'm trying to stay strong
I know taking my life is wrong
Trying to convince myself I have too many reasons to live
But my brain is an active pessimist
It won't assist
She just wants to insist
My heart wants me to give in
My soul is trying to escape
She said that she wouldn't leave but it's too messy to stay
She needs to be cleansed
She is covered in dirt from being locked in the bin
Contemplating ending my own life
I hate pain but that'll end all
Watch my own body fall
Red rivers flow from my wrists
I wonder what'd it be like to find my own body sprawled out in the kitchen
Yet another tragedy that could've been prevented
But I don't want to talk
And they don't care enough to listen

My life had dissolved to meaningless
Trust issues don't ever end
Cautions
Every word is a lie
They were trying to find the truth I hide
A life with no thrills
Mysterious chills
My skin is cold
So skinny
I can see my own bones
All life was drained
A skeleton's pain
And nothing was working enough to take it away
So I wrote it down
The reason I like poetry so much now
It was the one way to tell the truth
And find out who felt the same as you
Whenever I'm blue
I grab paper and pencil
My barren slate
Vacant at the start
Filled with words before it gets dark
Poetry saved my life
The one way to vent
That I felt comfortable with

You come with the roast
Your big ego
I bring my pain
All my imperfections
Laid out on the table
There is no where else to hide
Forced into submission
Open your eyes
She says the roaches have finally come out
I say what do you mean
She points to the guys out on the street
Guy on the corner
Looking like trash
That's too bad I think in my head
She says that he is a roach
I said no, he is a human like you and me
Just because he isn't your definition of civilized,
doesn't mean a thing
You may have approached him at a time
And yes I don't know him
But I'm not blind
A broken soul knows those in the same boat
The window in their eyes
The spark that doesn't shine
She calls him a roach
I say don't
You may not know what it's like to live out of bags and not know when your next meal will be
Living off the streets
Bullets and sirens all over petty beef
Arrested by the police
For stealing the necessities of the day
Manipulated by the world to think all you need to be happy is money, drugs and hoes
You say you don't give because he'll just use it to smoke
But how can you look down upon them all when you really don't know
I was once like a roach
So please don't call them by that name
It's a shame
So easy to point fingers and pin blame
It's hard being a roach
You're just trying to crawl and they want you crushed
So you come out when it's dark
Hiding from all the scars and marks
Accepting rejection on a daily
Begging for money and clothes
Cused out for trying
Denying that you were ever that low
How do you know
You come with your roast
Your big ego
I bring my pain
All my imperfections
Laid out on the table
I remember when I was a roach
You approach me and have a conversation
He gets cut off though

Reading old text messages
That should've been deleted
My tears have finally depleted
Never got revenge on him
For all the pain he caused
Part of me still wishes
We were involved
Thinking of the past
Thinking of now
Reading old poems
Speaking my truth aloud
I am not still in love with him
I am in love with a memory
And I want what we used to be
Before the bitter things
I had a dream of fluffy blue and pink
Sweet and sticky
I had a cotton candy dream
Everything was fine until I woke up to reality
Thinking of the past
Thinking of now
Reading old poems
Speaking my truth aloud
I am not still in love with him
I am in love with a memory
I want what we used to be
Before the bitter things
Before I woke up from the cotton candy dream
When everything was still sweet

Blood sucker
Take my life
If I die
Will you be my ride
The ticket to lie down before the tide
Will you be my umbrella to hide from pain
Will you be my sunshine on cloudy days
Will you attend my funeral after I pass away
Blood sucker
Take my life
You were nothing more than a parasite
But you were mine
This caused me to give things a blind eye
You were nothing more than a parasite
But you were mines
That seemed to be enough to live life

Sometimes I think I hate them all
Sometimes I don't feel at all
I live and dwell in a dark space
I call this place home
Isolation is what I've resolved to
I'm better off alone
Although grieving and sad
It's better than being heart broken
The world doesn't need me
Millions of others that live and are breathing
Sometimes I hate them all
Sometimes I don't feel at all
It's nice to be happy
But I can't find the key
It's not like happiness will just land in my hands
I feel there is a hole where my heart used to be
Bad past experiences
I laugh at horrible things
Normal people would be mad or crying
Sometimes I hate them all
Sometimes I don't feel at all
I tried to grasp the thing I needed
But I just don't have the understanding
For showing so much sensitivity and weakness
Just opening your mind
Letting other people crawl inside

When the sun doesn't shine
And the rain won't oblige
And I've wasted my time

Feeling I've made a mistake
My heart can no longer take life

When my soul can't catch up to me anymore
And when I crash

When I dash past the warnings
And end up hurt

Where will you be?

You're disappearing
How can you expect me to call you a friend of mines
When you just turn a blind eye to all the troubles in my life

You reappear when the sky is clear
Yes you are loud
But your actions resound

Contradicting every word that comes out your mouth

Your first love will never be your only love
It echoes in my head
The truth is I can't heal this scar
Especially when he still has my heart

How do I get it back?
I really don't know
I've never been good at letting things go

I  feel what I feel and it's overwhelming,
I don't think I can take my emotions
Why are they so strong when I'm so weak,
And why does everything I touch break
Simply because it's me

She walks alone
No one knows her path
Confusion and uncertainty sit in her lap
The air is her acquaintance,
Feel the breeze
The weather is her comfort,
It never leaves
In need of inspiration,
She looks to the trees
They stand strong in the fall even though they lose their leafs
She writes poetry in hope one day the person it was written for will read
Friends has become nothing more than another meaningless word
She is a loner at heart
Her ways might not be the wisest
But she is still trying to play it smart
Why reopen a wound?
It will only be made deeper
With no bandaid to cover
The loss of another
Get an infection
That needs to be removed
And the reason she opened it will be only a mere memory
She needs a remedy
She walks alone
No one knows her path
She has no friends
Confusion and uncertainty sit in her lap
She is just another outcast

Play my card
Cut me up
Destroy me  
I'm already broken
Fill my void with lies
Smack me with insults please
Look me in the eye and tell me how much you hate me
Walking blind
Blood pours out
Losing life
I scream your name
All I hear is your laughs
I'm not angry
Deceit flowing from me
No refunds
So don't bring me a receipt of apologies
They mean nothing
Just take your blades and dice me
I'm just here to make you happy
And all you do is take your knife and stab me

I don't know what is honestly wrong with me
He said that's because there is nothing wrong
You're perfect
As much as I want to believe those words
I know it's not true
It hurts badly because if there was nothing wrong
What was his reason for leaving
It was completely by choice
And I feel like when people say they love me
They're just deceiving
That's why I can never make myself say it back
If I admit it that's proof I'm probably attached
Latched onto them
And then they leave
Where does that put me
I'm lost and I don't know where I'm headed
And it's all because I'm stuck in the question of
Will I ever have real love
Because what's love
When its one sided
It's nothing but pain
It's like you love but it's all in vain
I don't know what's honestly wrong with me
He said that's because there is nothing wrong
You're perfect
I love you
It was all just a ruse he used to trick me
But he didn't get what he wanted
And no matter how much he denies it
I know it's the truth
If there is nothing wrong with me
Why did he leave
And why can't he give me a real reason
I can never say I love you too
Because to me it's all one big lie
I tried to love
Even with broken pieces
But what good does it do
When the other person doesn't love you

He sought to fix me because I was broken
He convinced me that when I was around him
I could put my heart in the open

He noticed it had a hole in it
He sought to make me smile
Make me laugh

As the days passed he just thought I was mad
Honestly he did make me happy
But being cute and bubbly all the time isn't realistic

He told me that all he sought was me
Wether sweet or moody
But that was a lie

He went from adoration to trying to escape and avoid me
He sought to dig me out the dark
But he knew he might only lose himself

He wasn't ready to go that far
Said it was too hard
So he left

Our relationship had taken its toll
We both knew this
I just wasn't ready to let go

He decided to leave
And now I long for him to hold onto me

It's the little things we tend to take for granted

I have a plethora of pain
Although I am fortunate
That much is appreciable
I'm just trying not to use people for my own gain
People tend to take me as rude
I say I'm staying true
I keep telling them I can be cold and sweet
They can't see
Finite amounts of knowledge on me
Sometimes I wonder why God made life so fathomless
I believe everyone tries to understand
I don't think God will ever give answers to man
It's just a bunch of guesses
A bunch of twists and turns
My life is full of bruises and burns
Paltry is the perfect word to describe this
It's all in vain
What if none of this is real
And we wake up from a dream when we die
My accretion of worry increases by the day
The reason I play it safe
My mother thinks I'm selfish
I should be more thankful
Gratitude guide me
So I can be grateful
But I'm not satisfied with the way life is
My insatiableness
I just learned to cope with it
But this is all too copious

I tried to do what was right
But the rumors are just getting bigger
At first I was a *****
Now they think imma thief
What am I doing
I'm dying inside
Because every time I try to do what's right
I mess up it all
This stack of drama is getting tall
And maintaining my sanity seems to be losing its importance
I'm losing it
Everything I do just proves it
I don't think my peers or anyone would approve of this
Why am I doing this
Why do I even try
All I do is mess things up
When I tried so hard to make them right

I'm going to lose you
This isn't the first time
We never really had a stable relationship

I'm starting to think I'm a *******
I love someone who doesn't love me back
It's pointless but I can't help it

The truth smacks me in the face everyday
And I wake up to the weight on my heart
Thoughts race through my mind
Even when it's silent, I have no quiet time

I'm trying not to ignore it
But all my feelings just seem depressing
By the days that pass they lessen
It was always I'm going to lose you
I'll never see you again

And there is no risks now
Because I think he knows I still love him
I was so focused on losing him

But I lost something more valuable
I lost my sanity
I lost my grip on reality
I lost my hope
The spark in my eye
I lost myself
And I can't deny

At the end of the day it's only me
I'm the only one to blame for this
Pain is what I'm used to though
So even though I know I should
I won't let it go

I'm afraid of pain
And I thought that if I didn't run from it or avoid it or ignore it I'd be fine
But all facing it did was hurt me
Face your fears
I tried
I didn't even deny

And all it did was destroy me
So now I'm hiding from my problems
Not going to try to run
I'm lost
My heart feels done

Don't stop when life gives you the red light
Although it always depends on what the situation is
Hold on tight when you feel your motivation slip
Control your own life
Don't let others rule over it
Sometimes you'll think you're all alone
Or you feel that way
No friends
No fans
No supporters
Just no one there
In your mind it's like I'm done
I can't do this
But you can,
You choose not to
The first step is to believe
If you give up on yourself
No one else can really pull you out
Is this your underachievement scheme
Don't stop when life gives you red lights
And don't over do it
Hold onto your insight
When it appears everyone doubts you
And you have no clear path
Raise your head
Put a smile on your face
Embrace yourself
And don't look back
Say I am my own motivation today
Because that my friends is what self determination truly is

I need a way,
An escape
And I don't want to say that faith isn't enough for me
But, I feel myself choking up at the end of the day
I'm staring at blades
I fantasize about suicide
Dying will end it all
But it's such a selfish decision
And I could never carry it through
I have to much provision
I don't want to throw my life away
I know all it will do is cause my family to feel the same as I
Therefore the pain never ends
But I might not make it
Not sure how much longer I can take it
I need a way,
An escape,
Another life
Because I'm dying inside everytime I awake

I'm scared to love again
After what happened with me and him
What if the next boy is just the same
Oh how I feel my heart flip for him already and it shouldn't
There is no doubt in my mind that I'm not good at relationships
I'm not made for it
I'm too socially awkward
Give me an oscar
An award
I'm scarred for life
And I was barely in a war