Why wait in darkness and stillness I thought
When my mind is a garden waiting to see the thoughts that complot
As I stare into the void of colorless nothing
My mind is filled with gore vigor and cunning

Such purity flushed so swiftly into this abyss
Known not what horrible plots are amiss
I know that my thoughts can ****
So I tame my demons, hold my breath and sit still

My head is broken down; thoughts like a disease
Know not if I will survive to tell you this with ease
My mentality is everything but complete
The demons the haunt my mind are truly elite

My time is short and so ends my wait
This clock is dead and now approaches my fate
Shall I meet another come time to traverse
The answer lies within the poetic deadly verse

Now I know my purpose, my role
I must find within me the life that I stole
My demons rage on in this boxed crate
For I am the one who is stuck in the wait.

**** me softly stab me in the eye
whisper in my ear with a lie that I will not die
We had our differences and I will not lie
but when you left my life all I could do is cry

**** me softly stab me in the wrist
when we fought it was never with our fist
I know when I write poetry it is you I missed
but I realize that as a friend I am no longer on that list

**** me softly stab me in the heart
when we parted ways it thrashed me; tore me apart
you are a muse, a frail flower a true work of art
when I see you, a fight is the last thing that I want

**** me softly stab me in the head
you see my feelings poured out on the page as I bled
all I want is a new start, some traction with this tread
but if I were to go to war would you still cry if I were dead?

Help me be the soldier they need me to be
Help me be the soldier they expect me to be
Need not speak the words of the creed
But rather live under them subconsciously
Knowledge is power but not in greed
Let me see the light in thee
How can my mind be so clear yet so twisted
Mildew with the battle cries of the  missed enlisted.

**** the enemy but don't ask why
Know your values and watch the bullets fly
This is my Soldier side
And in my life I carry this burden till I die.

I wish that I
was filled with stars
intricate, intimate arrays
to guide me to the edge
of myself and beyond

my soul
the brightest
in a unique constellation
of my naming

my love
many-hued nebula
expanding
to fill the void

my losses
supernovas
both beautiful
and tragic

But I am not
celestial
earth-bound
I must navigate

by stroke of skin
whiff of memory
trace of sadness
night vision

rudimentary compasses
in a sea of misunderstanding.

Painful
Morning
Tomorrow's
Brilliant
Disaster

If only "sorry" where more than just letters.

My words are ignorant and invalid
Such as my life I flee from my self
I weep and cry but I know that I
Can never forgive my self
For that pain I have brought
Like snow fall cold and plentyful.