love freshly baked in the oven. filling made out of cherry jam and pretty hopes. does she ever get sick of pretending? genesis leaks out of her mouth and she smiles sweet. ****, she's so beautiful. angel with the stardust halo and ripped wings. she says what he wants to hear.
   i think she's tired. god, don't you think she's tired? she wants to love his scarred hands so bad. but every time they tremble, she grimaces. baby, wants a boy who can hold her with clean hands. a boy who doesn't love her so badly. the boy who lies right back. fishnet shredded sheets underneath secret pride. she wants to love him like he loves pills . but he's too sweet. too mean.

and the boy? god, he's tripping over himself. drug induced comas and love feel the same in his bloodstream. he's all jealousy and numb drilled eyes. he buries himself under the road and waits for the cars to come by. always felt bored of everyone and everything. except for her. she's what makes him feel alive. bringing shock into his system and spitting him out. oh, ****. hell.. that boy will never love anyone like he does her.

im the in between of everything. mildew heart made to be a pin pouch, kept for when i knit. fishnet curtains stitched with suicide attempts and fear. every crevice cased in hospital visits. the paramedics sigh when they see me. "not again?" they ask hungrily, as if my hollow drilled eyes can feed their paycheck and maybe their ego.
    kiddie technicolor walls drawn with the images of whales that the youth group scribbled. the whales are drowning now.. forgotten how to swim. choking on plastic bags made from arrogance and money. i want to be whole again. i'm so very tired of the cold air and my trembling knees. i gulp down the manic pills like the goldfish my ma kept in her fish tank. did my grandmother feel like this? love so deeply that they took her away to a place with pills kept up in locked spaces? shoe strings cut with safety scissors. i bet it was scarier. i hope that it wasn't.