Why is it so easy
to hate myself
then love myself?

Lessons in self love
were lacking
whereas lessons
in hurting myself
were bountiful

Better to hurt yourself
than others,
Yes, that was the motto
I grew up with

A lesson well learned
I have become an Artiste
in the lesson of self hatred

One lesson I pray to unlearn
but fear it is too ingrained

Words have power
They can reveal
our desires
They can be weapons
that tear another down
They can bring joy
and lift another's spirit
They can be used
to form laws
and bring justice
They can spread love
build empires
bring forth destruction
So choose your words wisely
Words have power

Strange
How little changes
Can bring about
A great divide

Once
Our humor was in sync
Now
Sometimes
I don't recognize you at all

I know we grow
and change
But...
I never thought
I would find
Your humor so repulsive

Funny
Queer even
How little changes
Can bring about
A great divide

As I ponder
This chasm
That has opened
Between us
I feel my heart
cracking
Well, maybe just a little

Dark Moments...
Sometimes I desire
the pain that
hurts sooo good
Illicit pleasure
runs through me
Intoxicated from it's
forbidden taste
I fear...
I'm too easily seduced

Empty, am I
The well
Has gone dry

Not empty,
You simply need to breathe
Maybe even cry

Black is the Silence
That fills me
Madness reigns

Not black, just hurt
You need to find words
To express the pains

And all is Lost
Hope has Flown

Never lost,
You've just grown

No light
Do I deserve

Brighten up,
Keep a smile in reserve..

Even the moonlight
runs and hides away

But my sunlight
Is forever here to stay

Scared, am I
of that forever night

Don't be scared,
Take my hand
Together we can fight

That empty place
that does devour
and holds me tight*

No, a special place
For only you and I
Where our smiles
Will shine bright

Sometimes
It is so easy
To fall
Allowing those dark feelings
To take root
Sometimes
It is so hard
To get up
And allow the sunshine in
Sometimes
A battle rages on
And on
Never ending
Leaving one Exhausted

Pain slices through his heart
As he watches her
Once again
Beat herself with that
Whip of Intolerance
Each time he is Stunned
By the Violence
She directs at herself
His heart bleeds
As he wonders....
          as he wonders
If she will ever find
Acceptance and Tolerance
Of her self
That she so freely gives to others

Rarely do I see myself...
As only the broken, damaged
     pieces seem to draw my attention

Is it any wonder that you
     take my breath away
You accept my
     broken, damaged pieces
And that is a wonder

But the greatest gift
     the greatest wonder
You have ever given me
     is looking at me in such a way
That now I too can see the
     pieces of me that are whole

Now I too know that
     I am more than the sum
     of those poor broken, damaged pieces

My only hope
     is that I return the gift

"I am not going to be the person
I am expected to be anymore"

I heard this thought and was
kind of blown away
Making me question
all sorts of things
like....

Who do I expect me to be?
Who do others expect me to be?
Am I
   daughter
      wife
         lover
Do I even care?
What do these labels even mean?
Why can I not label me Friend?
Is there anything expected of
    an acquaintance?
I am trying on new labels
    Poet
       Writer
Whatever the label
   poet, daughter, wife; maybe even friend
These masks sit uncomfortably upon me
And
What of the unspoken and often unseen labels
     Broken
          Weird
              Crazy
Do these fit me any better? --
I don't think I have ever been
The person others expected,
Certainly not myself

How extraordinary!
"I am not going to be the person
I am expected to be anymore"

My life story is nothing new
dysfunctional family
with scars upon my heart
mistakes I have made a plenty
still striving to know myself
dreaming dreams
while, not even knowing if dreams
really do come true
learning life lessons
trying to open up my heart
going forward even as I stumble
hoping to live each day
to its fullest
and that tomorrow brings
beauty, laughter, and love
in everything I do

Like I said, my life's story is nothing new
just slugging along trying to make some
dreams come true, aren't you?

With the cooling
of Summer days
I reflect upon
a mother's pain
at having to say
goodbye.

Loosing her daughter
to the deep dark depths
of the underworld
Demeter's tears and
sorrow forever changed
the weather into four differing seasons

Though I feel a mother's loss
I am so thankful
for Hades' Love
So Blinded was he
to True Love's call
He stole Persephone
for his own

Lost in despair
at the loss of her daughter
Winter ruled the realm
Feeling the bitterness
of Demeter's pain
the gods did come together
and a bargain was made

Three months of the year
would Persephone live with
her love, beneath the world
The other nine months
returned she will be
to her Mother's love

All four seasons
do I cherish
and isn't it strange
that without Hades
having fallen in Love
we might only know
unrelenting sameness
One season of never change....

Lost in contemplation
on this most
beautiful Autumn day
I marvel at how Love
gave us this wondrous gift
of beauty and
four seasons always changing

Shedding that
which
overwhelmed me
I found balance
between work and pleasure

Joy exploded
within her heart
Lightening her smile
She shined with beauty
All because....
    he finally understood!

If I had a grain of sand
for every tear drop
you made me shed
for every time you
yelled because of your unhappiness
I would have enough grains of sand
to fill an entire beach
no wonder I hate sand

I am the Pumpkin Pie
I rule....
Woofer drools with envy
Over the Pumpkin Pie
Oh, yeah he tries so hard
To Usurp me
But I grab that dude
by his ear
And drag his *** about
Cause that Fool
is no Pumpkin Pie
I rule the Roost.

Just a few words
by Pumpkin Pie
The most supreme
dog of the Land

***** and Pillaged
At a young age
A veil descended
Closing her heart to others
Yearning for love,
She understands not
That the veil must drop
For love to fill her heart

True Love Scorned

She scorned true love
betraying her soul mate
with another

Finding his lover
in Love's illicit embrace
a dark rage came upon him

When the dark cloud of rage cleared
he saw what his rage had
wrought

He left the bedroom
stained blood red

Just remember....
those who scorn true love
end up dead
                 or worse