i was greiving a person who hadnt died
but who forgot about my pressence
made me vanish from thier intrests

the twisted thing to this game that we played
you lost me with a sense of releif
i went away with lust for you
i wanted you back
i sat in my room awake until 4am writing about my insanity
soaked my sadness with *****

i sat on the roof in the cold twice bacause inside could not contain me
my music blasted at its highest dose of treatment but did not cure me

loneliness has sunk in like the sun sunk beneath the skyline at 7:30pm
like how your tounge sunk between my teeth when you wanted me for the night
my needy hands grabbed and tugged at you and your cold selfish hands needed them back for awhile
you got tired of me

our blood is warm
but the body still needs more heat to function
i needed the warmth of your hands to function
i needed the warm blanket grabbing my hips

too much heat could possibly burn the body

your hands touched my integumentary system time and time again
but i never knew the side effect of heat
your hands still warm and soft on my skin
grazed over my left lung
after so many times i experienced internal burning
your touch had caused me to burn inside out
this heat that i loved has turned into black burns all over my skin and insides
i keep this burning around because i love pain
and your hands did just that.

who is saving me from disease?
the doctors.
who is saving me from being homeless?
my mom.


but who is saving me from me?
nobody.
i was the one who tied the rock to my ankle and threw myself into the ocean
i know i could untie it
but i dont
i want to see how long i can stay under without coming back up for air

frankly I've been doing fine with my lungs filled with air from years ago

since then you've set fire to my lungs
they burn inside me

the rock and the knot has been tied too tight
i need someone to go under and with-go the autraucity that i call myself and cut me free.
how could god shove such an inpatient and anxious soul who has more peaks and valleys than it should into a red fluid and stuffed it into skin?
i can see the light abouve me
and all the people playing abouve me
taking in and out that precious air that i crave
new air
not air that is years old

im running out
but i still see the sun.

she felt useless
you were the best at that
making her feel like she was boring
not enough for you
but you took all you could from her
with your arms full, you left.

she felt useless
her eyes were burned red and rolled back when she took a sip
"where did i go wrong?" she asked herself
"why am i not good enough?"
soon her questions became burps oozing with ***** and coke

she looked useless
the way she laid on her back so easy
the way she arched her spine and clawed at your skin made her vulnerable

her red eyes shut as she tipped the glass of grey goose
the glass bottle is the only thing that kissed her and loved her back in months.
the bubbles of her jar of dispar float up as she chugs without showing she was hurt.
she stumbles and falls up the stairs to wallow in her self loathing that she called carpet.
she stays up with a drunk heart going over all the things wrong with her
she thinks if she could change you would love her again

you felt useless
staying up all night
telling yourself "i ****** up"

its too late

she had someone to pick her up from her clumsy falls
she only drinks water now
sometimes
she'll stay up asking herself
"whats wrong with me?"

she didn't feel useless
you were always the worst at that.