A month from now i will barely remember his name. i won't think about how he tastes or how his body moves above mine. A month from now i would have replaced him with a man whose face rivals his and whose tongue knows how I like my **** teased. A month from now his existence will mean nothing but a month before that his existence means something.

I don't like this.. I don't want this... Waiting on your call, jumping for your text, craving your attention... Its not me and I don't want it... Please leave or know your place.

Open and alone.
Open and Lost.
Open and afraid.

It's not that I am afraid of commitment.... It's committing  to the wrong person, that scares me.

its so deep and so black and for once, for once, I can't breathe in it.

Its funny how I love poetry and inhale books and yet I don't believe in the power of words.                    Maybe its because so many words have been spoken to me and yet none have been acted on.

He was too young to love me the way I needed him too... I was too blind to see this.

I am warning you, stay away from me. I am no good for you, all I will do is make you fall in love with me, worship me and compare me to every being you set your gaze on.
I am the girl you swore you would have, the woman that has featured In every ******* you have ever had  and I am the soul your heart has nightmares about.
So i warn you, turn away, face away my love because the things I will make you go through will leave a bitter taste in every morrow of your bone.
Trust me I am not worth the trouble.

you don't marry the boys that set your heart on fire mama said.
you don't give yourself to the boy that makes you lose your mind she yelled.
you don't let him feel your head with ideas that could shuttle your world mama told me.
you don't let him have all the power she cried.
Because the day you do, is the day you destroy the life inside you my sweet.
That day your legs will open wide for him and your lips will stretch far for him and your soul baby, your soul will be eaten in ways that you never knew a man could crush a being.

He treats me better than you have ever done.
He knows my fears and and doesn't  make fun of them.

Ive been with you longer and you don not even know my favorite book.
You don't even remember our anniversary(02\05\2009) but he remembers the day we met(07\10\2012)

you tell me how beautiful i am and how much you want me
He makes me feel beautiful and wanted

He makes me a priority
You treat me like dating me is job

   Am starting to think i settled and forgot my worth.

At this point i want to be hit by a bus, i want to be hit by those terrible diseases that make you lose your mind and i mean literally lose your mind!
I want to forget you. How you look, what you do, how you smell,  all i know is that i must forget you!

It seems amnesia is my only solution because if i hear one more song that reminds me of you, i swear i will go but **** crazy!  You've ruined chocolate for me and now the sight of it makes me want to rip out your poor pathetic heart! trust me i will!

I cant stand the sight of happy people or things because they just remind me of what we were! you have turned me into a cynical psychotic *****! so if i remember one more thing about you, i will turn 50 shades of Leilah on you!

I am only afraid of three things in this world, God, The Russians and Jail! seeing that am ready to turn ****** ****** on your ***, pray i get amnesia!

big lips,small eyes,fat arms, love handles, short feet; that's me!    
big teeth, black spots, short legs,***** hair; i know!
      flawed, imperfect,loud,quite,brown,; you can tell!
but do i hate myself? no! do i sit wishing i could change everything i hate about me? i used to.
why have i changed my mind? i believe everything that is flawed about me is perfect. if i changed all that was flawed, i wouldn't be me and i love me.

i am perfectly flawed and i wouldn't have it any other way

FIDELITY?  I've always been a strong believer in fidelity until i met him.
He was nothing like the other men, there was an aura about him that pulled you to him, the man was an enigma, sexuality had never been so portrayed by a man but this man was special!
ADULTERY! This man had charmed his way into my life and boy did i not know what i was in for! He was married yes, i was entertaining young men yes but i was overwhelmed by my feelings for him that i embraced it and loved the fact that he was married and i had a man, men? i really didn't care.
*******! The first time he took me was on his office table, we didn't make love, all we did was ****, he was rough and would say the nastiest things, i felt like a ***** and i loved it. he wouldn't even bother closing the door, made it more intense. we would be at it for hours but still, i wanted his filthy **** after we were done, plunging in so deep, filling me with his seed, spending time in his office in the pretense of working. Well he was working me and i was rocking his ****.
LUST? Lust was all i felt for him, it wasn't love. i wasn't so gullible to think so because when i woke up i couldn't even remember his name. maybe it was a dream showing me how the other half lived.........

why does it hurt so bad at times.
Like little charms on a bracelet so are the scars engraved on heart.
                 I am tired of getting hurt or being the one everyone hurts.
You would think i would be used to it by now but no am not, the pain seems to get worse with each year.
                 I try to play cool, calm n collected, the young woman that deals                      
                 with it all but i can only carry on with the facades for so long.
Don't you ever stop to think that you destroy whats left of my goodness every time you harm me?
                  I just one an apology, is that so much to ask for?
Not an apology with an excuse but with sincerity, tell me am i asking for much or do i just want to feel human again...........................

I've watched you pass me by for weeks now.
i have even tried wearing colors and clothes i hope you would like.
but to no avail. you still ignore me.
Am hoping to see you today, I have waited for you to make the first move but baby i am impatient.
so when you see me today be ready to flirt and play.

its been years and i still cant comprehend how i was such a fool for you.
    you took everything i ever gave you and you played your part well.
            you made me cry, broke my heart and even after all that i was  still
                 in love with you.
                   i watched you take every piece of me and turn it into dust, you
                     cut through every barrier and when you were done you felt no
                        remorse whatsoever. every year you played a part that no
                          one could pull off.
                              i trusted you to take care of me, to be different from the        
                                rest but you the worst. Now i know i don't want to be
                                  with someone that makes me cry more than they make
                                     me laugh.
                                       So TAKE A BOW because the show is over. AM
                                        DONE!

"Dont ever leave me " he whispered
i will one day, somethings you can not help but do i told me.
"but i love you!" he shouted.
i walked up to him and told him " but death does not care."

I am a husk of man he yells!!! dont you see what i do to you? i have turned something beautiful into a tormented dom, and if i dont let you go, you will explode into stream of agonizing lava. But i am a selfish man,i can not let you go....
  i smile and mumur i know, i know...

you are beautiful he told me.
i looked at him with love sick eyes n whispered "i know"

it seems we lost our way. you couldnt handle the shades i had to me. so long gone you thought i was incorrigible. why couldnt i be like other girls you asked. why cudnt one simlpe thing satisfy me!!! you always questioned my moves. doubted if there was anything that pleased me!!! why was it so hard to get me? not once did i make it hard; i was an open book that you failed to read. made me wonder if you were iliterate. lost lovers we were whose spell was never ignited. i had shown you time and again but  you seemd to forget that i am nt the sun but a rain ball

it seems we lost our way. you couldnt handle the shades i had to me. so long gone you thought i was incorrigible. why couldnt i be like other girls you asked. why cudnt one simlpe thing satisfy me!!! you always questioned my moves. doubeted if there was anything that pleased me!!! why was it so hard to get me? not once did i make it hard; i was an open book that you failed to read. made me wonder if you were iliterate. lost lovers we were whose spell was never ignited. i had shown you time and again but  you seemd to forget that i am nt the sun but a rain ball

you told them you were diffrent.
that you were wat i needed!
you could tame me, make me submissive!
         So i let you. opend the door half way, known you would never want to leave.
i sat down watching you, slip lower and lower...... you had failed. just like the rest! you were my sub and i was your dom... never wanting to leave i watched you rote....
  i am a queen that can only be tamed by king not a slave.  
next please

i striped that night! let my soul out in the open! you wouldnt take your eyes off me.
you came closer! i felt your heart beat.
that night our spirits made love.
we turned the night into a endless nimble with the fire we made....
i let you sink in so deep inside, i could feel every inch of your frame. i was incorrigiblee,sealed with yo seed. intimacy was our epithet.
so insatiable for touch.
i was marked by your cognizance.
coming into me you whispered "mine"
you spoke with such conviction
then i knew i had cured you.

i dont hate u, just dont know how to love

its getting old talking about you
thinking about.
its getting odd missing you
monitering your life.
    its really getting odd.
i dont want you anymore, i dont hate you, u dont even appeal to me any more.
   its getting old. you are old.

i guess there is only so much a broken heart can take.

They asked me to wait, told me you would find me.
Like a lilly patiently waitn, i did what i was told.
So i waited, hoping you would find me. A year passd and you did not show, attempting to find some closeness, i entertained myself with them, gave them what was yours.
A decade passed and u did not show, thought it was the stench of them that drove you away, so i cleaned up my act, drenched my soul in spirits n let them go.
A year has passed and you have not shown up.
Am getting tired of waiting.
So sit where you are... You were never needed.

Am supposd to b rytn abt hm.
Wat i wnt hm to do to me
Do for me......
Bt the moment ths pen reachs th paper she comes out
Her tht little scared gal
She wnts hr pain bared to u
Shz troubld
Inside hr heart
She hates every1, mst especially hrself
Shz manipulative, shz th mothr of pain
Tormentd little brat
Not all wounds heal
Shz damagd, u cnt help hr, i wnt let u
You see shz th main personality n am hr strongest outer ego
Th othrz r weak
Am in charge, she creatd me to protect hr
Am doin js tht. U wnt her.
Yes i knw such a pretty gal n yet such an ugly soul

You held my hips n looked straight at me n smiled.
When you got home you sent me a text sayn 'you are beautiful'
I smilled like an idiot that night, cud not sleep, i cud still feel you deep inside me. I was so sore bt my core still cried for more.
I was insatiable now, longing for your  touch, knowing you wud tame this wanton creature you had awaken.
Diving in so deep, i wanted more, too afraid to show you how my inner godess had awaken. too terrified to let you see her, not coz i didnt love you.
You just werent man enough to satisfy her. She wanted a shade so dark bt you were too bright

Why you wont hold my hand i do not get.
Why you wont look into my eyes and say i love you i do not get.
Why you let her come between us i do not get.
Why i wont let go of you i do get.

Am that gal tht brightens yo day
Ever th bubbly, mercurial lass tht feels no pain
You say, i am always happy
Tht am gud at it
But wat u will never realise is that am a dam gud actress!
Reality is too painful to face
My bubble myt be a fantasy bt atlst safe
I knw wat its lyk to walk down an empty street
Listening to my demons torment me
Asking whr r u running to child?
Dnt u knw we r home

Follow me, push me, take me to heights unknown.
Why?
I ask myself the same thing..........

Touch me where no other has.
Fill me till i can't take it any more.
Mark me with your breath.
Let your love bites live on me.
Dominate my mind.
Let me be your art, submisive to you
alone